For many years I had wrongly believed that I was a bad person for having Schizoaffective disorder. Many people around me believed likewise. It was not until years later through treatment that I realized Schizoaffective disorder is something that I have, and not something that I am. This is probably why Schizophrenia and Schizoaffective disorder can be treated better than many other mental illnesses, and will be even more treatable in the future.

At nearly 300 pounds, psychotic and impoverished, many doctors and associates had written me off just seven years ago.  Getting back on top wasn’t easy.  It took a lot of work, help from a good doctor and a lot of determination on my part.  Through this I have discovered what I thought what was once impossible, that I could take control of my life despite having schizoaffective disorder.

Last year, a small ill kitten showed up at my front steps without a home in the middle of winter. Being allergic to cats I tried to chase him off of my porch, but he persisted to visit. The more often he visited, the more he reminded me of the homelessness that I had experienced years ago as a result of my illness, Schizoaffective Disorder. Twice in my life I was homeless for extensive periods and in need of help. I am aware of the suffering and humiliation that this can cause, therefore I felt it would not be right to allow him to suffer. Eventually, I took him in and gave him the name “Mr. Giggles”.

In the past, I had been unable to work because my mental and physical issues were not properly treated. Working, while living with schizophrenia, is a great challenge. Many are not at the point were having a job is a viable option. There are those, however, who could work, given a proper environment, workplace accommodations, good medical treatment and a supportive community.

I began writing neither for money nor fame, but simply because I thought I had a message to send to the world.  I believed that many of the horrible events that had transpired in my life, were not without purpose.  That my experiences with schizophrenia and homelessness were not in vain, but brought about with reason.  This is what brings me here to you now, as a writer and advocate, who knows what it is like to be neither here nor there, both materially and mentally.  What follows is the path I took to send this message.  Here are the publications I have written and my inspiration behind them.

In my exploration of the psychotic mind, I use poetry as a tool in conveying the terror, irrationality and subtle complexities of psychosis in schizophrenia. Some of this poetry has ended up in the confines of horror magazines, literary journals and street papers. These words are derived not from fictional tales nor lost love, but from true horror deep within my own mind. I bring you to them now in this article, dedicated to the millions with schizophrenia who are haunted by these terrors daily.

Building meaningful friendships is an important part of life, and it is no less true in people with Schizophrenia.  The illness itself can cause people to fear the outside world, which is why it is so important to overcome this and interact with people. Having someone that appreciates you despite your illness, can be difficult.  Many people are misinformed about Schizophrenia, and will choose not to associate with you. When you cross or meet someone like this, it is important to realize that such a person would probably not make a good friend to begin with.  Good friends are people who will judge you by your good deeds, and not by what your health issues are.  Though it may be hurtful when someone treats you unfairly because of your diagnosis, it is important to know that such stereotypes occur predominantly out of ignorance and misguidance.

Philip K Dick, one of the world’s greatest science fiction writers, unquestionably had periods during his lifetime that he had great difficulty determining reality.  At one point he had even been diagnosed with schizophrenia.  Today it is debated as to his exact condition, but what it is known is that he used his mental issues as a positive force in his writing. I am not an expert on Philip Dick, but I can easily see how my illness, schizophrenia, can be used as a positive force in writing.  The illness itself has a way of trapping you in an alternate universe, with strange plots and villains dancing about.  One only needs to transfer these places and enemies onto paper, in order to write interesting stories.

Schizophrenia is considered to be a disease of the mind, yet unlike a physical disease it can be difficult to determine when we are ill.  How then do we know when the disease is taking hold and what to do about it? For me there are warning signs before the onset of an episode.  One common sign is holding the belief that someone close to me wishes to harm me in some manner.  This idea can cause arguments, disagreement and irritability between myself and those around me.  It is at this point of time that I believe constructive intervention can help the most.

My name is Dan Hoeweler, and if you were to meet me in person, I would seem like your average eccentric artist.  I am in many ways undeniably ordinary.  I live in a house with my cat Mr Giggles, who I deeply love.  I have many friends and work as a janitor at an amusement park, and have been there for three years now without incident.  I, with the help of my family, have been purchasing and renovating houses together during the winter time.  I blend in fairly well in most situations, and if you were to talk to me you might find me somewhat intelligent and charming.