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Family and Mentally Ill Children

My sister and (soon-to-be-ex) brother-in-law told their oldest daughter, my 9-year-old niece, they are getting a divorce. My sister and the girls will move into a duplex; their dad will stay in the house. It's an amicable situation (at least, as amicable as it can be)--no custody battles, no front-lawn fights, no holidays ending in thrown dishes. And my niece, who has always had problems with anxiety, is apparently taking it about as well as...whatever the opposite of "well" is.
Early last week, while picking up Bob from school, I was stopped by one of the after-school program teachers. "Summer enrollment is this week," she warned me. "Make sure you fill out the form before Friday afternoon." Thus began a several-day period of stressing, obsessing and plea-bargaining.
It has come to our attention recently that our child is kind of a brat. I'm not talking about Bob--I'm talking about his younger brother, "Two." It seems we pay such close attention to Bob (particularly this time of year), we've completely failed to notice the other little monster we're creating.
One of the things I have tried hardest to avoid is having a house divided. Regardless of the differences in our DNA, I wanted our family to function as one cohesive unit. But lately, despite my best efforts, one of the sheep is doing his best to separate himself from the flock. And it's driving me nuts.
You know the feeling. You're tired--no, make that exhausted, your head hurts, your stomach hurts, and you just can't seem to be able to get with the program. And you haven't had a drop to drink. Then you look at the calendar and realize it's the first week of January. Welcome to the "Holiday Hangover."
I wanted to write a thoughtful, informed piece on parent blame as it pertains to mental illness. So I went to the Internet to research. My first search of the words "parents" and "blame" came back with a staggering number of results. It's obvious parents get the lion's share of blame for the mental health issues of their offspring. The question is--why?
"Why do my kids always turn into complete monsters during the holidays?" If you have ears, you've heard it; if you're a parent, you've said it. The "most wonderful time of the year" often seems like anything but for multiple reasons--not the least of which being our precious little angels usually seem to think they've already secured their position on either the "naughty" or "nice" list. Dealing with them, whether at home or away, can turn even Jolly Old St. Nick into Scrooge.
A Respite From My Bipolar Child Bob has been at his father's house since Friday evening for the first half of his winter school break. He won't be home until next Sunday--meaning nine days of life without Bob for us. Of course, I miss him--but truthfully, it couldn't have come at a better time.
There are some issues surrounding children with mental illness, their parents, blame and anger, I want to explore. While I'm collecting my thoughts, however, I ask you to consider this, originally posted on my personal blog in July, 2007. Kindergarten starts August 20, 2007. Bob is registered. He's had his tour of the school. He can't wait. Me? I'm freaking out.
(cont. from part 1 of story) My son’s bipolar disorder and ADHD treatment has been a constant source of conflict between his father and I. Non-compliance with Bob’s prescribed medication regimen has been an ongoing problem for years, and has once again become a problem following a frightening drug reaction. Despite the devastating effects bipolar medication non-compliance could have on Bob’s physical and emotional health, there are sadly few resources I can go to for help.