After I've done the relaxation thing, settled into the new day, or the new year (yikes! already??), sometimes I'll feel like I'm just left hanging. Wondering, what next in some sort of weird limbo state that's neither here nor there. Not exactly anywhere. And seriously, what's next? Today. Tomorrow. Next year. Live in the moment: It’s the only one you have

or, why I should've gone to Hawaii The amount of time I spend watching films that feature Colin Firth and/or Sandra Bullock to offset the moodiness and irritability ignited by the festive season - whilst paying for wholly unnecessary items on my Ebay account. The pressure to invest in one day of no-regrets, wholehearted good cheer and joy. It doesn't come naturally to those of us who spend most of the year dealing with the symptoms of anxiety and depression.I love Christmas. I just don't buy into the myth that it's the one perfect day of the year.

...and it costs lives I just read an article in the Sydney Morning Herald which says that, "THE loss of life deemed attributable to depression has been cut by half in new government statistics after a change to the counting method which a leading expert says forms part of a systematic effort to downplay the mental illness toll." (bold added) Nice that they can just magically make unpleasant facts go away like that, isn't it? If only the realities of mental health were that simple.

...you don't notice it's there, until you're falling. That's the experience of mental illness - in a nutshell: You're either flying, or falling. It's hard to stay in one place, difficult to nail down exactly what's wrong because it's such a core thing. So much the experience of the world, rather than the experience of one symptom or other. My illness may be invisible, but that doesn't mean I have to be. Let me repeat that. Give you time to catch up: Your illness may be invisible, but you don't have to be.

or, How Not to Mistake Phish Food for Your Self-Esteem You're Not An Idiot Trying Harder Doesn't Always Work There's a lot of talk about positive thinking and its links with self-esteem but little that talks about tone. This made me feel really stupid, when I couldn't seem to think my way out of my mental illness. Tone Matters

...and similar ideas with which I struggle. Sometimes, I struggle. I feel so far away. From everything, especially mental health. Getting up, getting ready to face the world, wondering just how close the edge is, today. It all takes patience. When you're dealing with anxiety and depression, when thoughts will barely stay in your head, let alone make sense, when the fog sets in...It takes patience. Inhuman, incalculable patience. Fighting the good fight sometimes means losing your way

Nobody can tell me precisely when I got ill, nor why. This seems odd. Shouldn't there be nice neat 'Before' and 'After' shots to go with this anxiety/depression thing? What I wouldn't give for something - for a point, a moment that tipped the balance. Thing is, we don't know enough. The best available treatment is all too often necessary, but not sufficient. Yes, it works. For some. But not for nearly enough of us: 1 in 4. High expectations? Absolutely! -It's my brain, not a jar of Playdoh sponsored by Pfizer.

Crazy isn't always crazy, but I wonder if I'm lost, or if I'm found. I wonder if I'm halfway gone and nobody has bothered to tell me yet. It's a fine line, this sanity thing. Supposedly you either have it, or you don't. But I don't entirely trust this theory. And it is just a theory. Truthfully, they can't tell you what sanity is for sure except that it's something you probably can't ever be sure of. Crazy isn't always crazy.

Anxiety and depression often go together. It's called comorbidity (Relationship Between Depression and Anxiety). Not only does suffering from the one make it more likely you'll have to deal with the other at some point, it also means that, baseline, emotions are more of a challenge. Comorbid anxiety and depression bounce your emotions around, making you feel hopeless and scared at the same time.