Lately, I have been thinking about what it looks like when someone experiences mostly invisible illnesses, like anxiety and depression, and feels suicidal. Depression and anxiety are not always visible. People have expressed to me their surprise that I have dealt with chronic anxiety for a long time. But it's true, and I guess at some point I became really good at always acting like everything was fine. (Note: this post contains a trigger warning.)
Anxiety and Depression
Is anxiety affecting your concentration? If you suffer from anxiety, you likely know that a common anxiety symptom is difficulty in concentration. Anxiety can send us into a true tailspin of disruptive and irrational thinking that can affect our ability to focus.
I experience seasonal anxiety, so naturally I expect it--but never as soon as it appears. Today I peered out the window, and there it was. A wave of anxiety rolled through my body. It was a familiar jolt that reacted to a common anxiety trigger—a cold, blustery day with a sky darker than my favorite charcoal gray t-shirt. Autumn is here and winter is coming. Naturally, seasonal anxiety is too.
Does your anxiety ever make you feel like a failure? Does it ever make you feel stupid? A reader's comment on my post, Top 10 Anxiety-Friendly Jobs really got me thinking about this issue. They indicated that anxiety at work had caused them to exhibit some of the common signs of low self-esteem, including difficulty holding down a job, and becoming easily confused and forgetful. Because I've struggled mightily with these same issues at work, it also got me thinking about other reasons why anxiety makes you feel stupid and like a failure.
Living with mental health issues means there will be days where you feel paralyzed by anxiety and depression. Because comorbid depression and anxiety are so common with different mental illnesses, nearly everyone who struggles with mental health will have to get through a day feeling paralyzed by anxiety and depression. I had one today, and man, it was rough. But, the good news is, I got through it.
Fake concern about anxiety and depression has probably been with us since homo sapiens first swung out of the trees around 200,000 years ago. Humans with depression, anxiety and panic, mental illness, and mood disorders have always been discriminated against, in virtually every society in history. That said, great strides have been made to end mental health stigma, and portray people with mental health issues as just that: ordinary people. However, some of the concern certain people express about depression and anxiety is actually little more than a smokescreen for more discrimination. In other words, it's a fake out. Here's how to spot fake concerns about anxiety and depression and protect yourself against it.
This week, the walls of anxiety are closing in. The world appears absolutely insane, and I feel like a dog in a plastic kennel that's too small, pacing and turning in an ever-tightening circle. I have no anxiety tips, tricks, or techniques for you this week, because I feel like absolute crap. I seem to always make videos or audio posts when I'm in crisis too. I don't know why that is.
Is your anxiety worse in the morning? Do you think, 'why can't I just get out bed'? I'm rarely on speaking terms with breakfast. The thought of getting up, a whole new day, it can be paralyzing. I'm told it isn't this way for everyone. Nor does a cup of coffee fix it, would that it could. If you have an anxiety disorder, or experience panic, it's not uncommon to find mornings particularly tough.
Anger can be the match that sparks a dip in your mood or a bout with anxiety, and according to what I've been reading recently this is because the part of your brain that normally keeps a lid on angry feelings is impaired when you're depressed.
As a friend of mine pointed out, there was a weird thing happening in cyberspace this week: People were rationing grief. Portioning it up like that really can be done, like any of us could put a cap on sadness, anger, denial, fear.