Not Everyone Will Understand or Believe Your Abuse Experience
Not everyone will understand your experience with abuse or your process when you begin to heal. Of course, there will constantly be varying sides, but learning how to live with being okay with their opinions can be challenging. For example, not everyone agreed with my healing process or how I began to talk about my past trauma and my journey for better wellbeing. These opposing sides have been extremely difficult for me to deal with and accept over the last few years.
Trying to Find Understanding for My Abuse Experience
In the beginning, I had a deep-rooted sense of trying to make everyone understand my position and justify my feelings regarding my situation. My therapist told me that there would be people who don't understand, and unfortunately, I cannot make them see my side of the story if they are unwilling. I have to learn how to live with the idea that some people will not believe my story or will not see where I am coming from.
Some individuals in my family do not believe me, do not believe the story of my childhood abuse, or do not like how I have begun to heal. I do not have a problem with some of them not knowing or believing my side of the situation.
However, a small group of individuals voluntarily removed themselves from my life once I began to talk about my history. When this first happened, I took it very personally, and it has been extremely tough for me to understand why they reacted this way. I had an overcoming sense of being attacked.
Facing Dismissal and Rejection When Sharing Your Abuse Experience
It is not as if I would want those people to change their perception of my past and everyone involved or alter their current relationships with those other individuals. I know now that all I was seeking at that time was the feeling of validation in my emotions. Instead, by them removing themselves from my life, I felt dismissed after revealing the most vulnerable part of me.
For years afterward, I spiraled. After all, I really felt that they should not ignore or dismiss me because I did not do anything wrong to them. However, as I'm working through therapy and growing, I've realized that, unfortunately, there will be some people unable to understand or see my point of view on the situation. I have to learn how to be okay with these people removing themselves from my life. It does hurt, especially since I did have a personal relationship with these people until I began to talk about my past and trauma and how I am healing and becoming better.
I am trying not to take it personally, although it is difficult. It is almost as if those people have their own issues or situations that my circumstances ended up triggering them. This circumstance may have forced them to choose to remove themselves from my life.
Moving Forward with My Abuse Experience
Instead of making them understand my position, I have to try and understand that maybe there is something about them that I do not know that they aren't telling me. So I have to let these individuals work through that on their own.
Everyone has their own story and path, and sometimes if people remove themselves from your life, you have to look at it as if it is a benefit for you. They cannot support you because they do not honestly see you and how true you are to yourself. Therefore, it would be best to let them leave and not worry about trying to force them to stay in your life.
Wozny, C. (2022, April 7). Not Everyone Will Understand or Believe Your Abuse Experience, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, January 30 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2022/4/not-everyone-will-understand-or-believe-your-abuse-experience
Author: Cheryl Wozny
Sometimes, even though it is painful, we have to let people who step away from us go. Consider this...that upon hearing your story or your version of it, they recognized their own inability to undertand and instead of disagreeing with you and upsetting you further they left you to heal. Some people are aware on some level of their own toxicity and (even though it may be subconscious) seeing you begin a healing process prompted them to remove themselves in order to spare you of inevitably being hurt by them as well. Some people don't want to be held accountable for their actions or put effort into empathy for other people. Think of the space they have left in your life as room for the right people and trust that as you continue on this path towards health, the right people will enter into your life and bring you joy and peace.
Hello Lizanne, I am Cheryl Wozny, author of the Verbal Abuse in Relationships blog here at HealthyPlace. Thank you for your kind words. It is nice to have a different perspective on challenging situations. I will cherish your words and look back on them when I need to reflect on my position. Be well.