I've recently undergone a routine change with my bipolar disorder. This has been harder to adapt to than you might think. I find doing the same thing every day has a protective effect on bipolar disorder, so removing that rhythm can do the opposite. A change in my bipolar routine has officially thrown me off my game.
My Bipolar Routine Change
About a month ago, there was a fire in my building. I'm fine; my kitties are fine; my apartment is fine. Unfortunately, the building is not fine. I've been displaced ever since. I have insurance, and it has been paying for accommodations (less a deductible), and while staying in Airbnbs has been a lifesaver, it has disrupted my bipolar routine dramatically.
Why Does It Matter If a Bipolar Routine Changes?
It varies from person to person, but a bipolar routine is what helps me get things done. It's what helps me get my writing done. It's what ensures I'm taking my medications as prescribed. It's what makes sure I get the proper sleep. While I can, in theory, do any of those things without a routine in place, I'm more likely to veer off course and forget to do what I need to do when I need to do it without a routine. (More on bipolar routines here.)
How to Deal with a Change in Your Bipolar Routine
In my new accommodations, I'm trying to deal with the change in my bipolar routine by doing the following:
I've implemented as much of my routine as possible in my new environment. Sleep is the most critical component, meaning sleep hygiene is a priority. Nothing is quite the same, but I'm doing my best. (I brought my own pillow, which I've found comforting and helpful.)
I've set things up in my new space in a way that facilitates what I need to do.
I've left physical reminders of what to do in my environment. For example, my medications are kept in divided containers beside the fridge, so I remember to take them on schedule.
I've written notes for myself and created reminders on my phone.
I've continued to get my meal prep deliveries in my new accommodation.
I'm trying to maintain the same routine with my cats (feeding times, medication administration, etc.). Keeping them on schedule helps keep me on schedule, too.
I've not enjoyed having my bipolar routine changed. That said, I'm trying to mitigate it the best ways I know how.
How do you keep yourself on track when your bipolar routine changes?
I used to think I was bad at meditation. I had poured myself into books, podcasts, and media that revolved around self-improvement and noticed a common theme: meditation. The problem was that I had already convinced myself that I was bad at meditation. After years of trying, I felt discouraged that I couldn't grasp this seemingly magic tool praised by many. I had almost given up, but instead, I turned to the question, "Is it possible to be bad at meditating?"
Being 'Bad' at Meditation
I would get all geared up, sit down, and close my eyes, and after a few minutes, I would already be in a high-speed game of mental ping-pong; thoughts were flying everywhere. Half the time, I would feel more discouraged at the end of the session because I was telling myself, "You're not disciplined enough," or "How are you not able to just sit in silence for 10 minutes?"
For years, I've created goals around ramping up my meditative practices, and I've continuously let myself down. I started avoiding meditating out of frustration and also because I kept telling myself it was "boring."
I'm Not Bad at Meditation, It's New and Uncomfortable
Sitting in silence isn't exactly a party, but meditation isn't boring -- at least, it doesn't have to be. It's easy to assign the label "boring" to meditation because it's new and, honestly, it's uncomfortable. I often avoid sitting in silence in most parts of my life, including while driving, working, and cleaning. So, having forced silence time is a new concept.
But uncomfortable isn't the same as boring, and there are ways to mix it up. I share more here:
You Can't Be Bad at Meditating
After reading more about meditating, I've learned a lot. The most impactful piece of knowledge is that there is no being "bad" at meditation. It is called a practice because it takes practice. Doing meditation repeatedly will eventually shake that "I'm not good enough" feeling.
It's hard to empty the mind. With so much going on in everyone's lives, it feels impossible, and it is impossible. That's why the whole point of meditation is not to reach this perfect blank space for an hour; it's about taking a moment for yourself. It's about noticing a thought, acknowledging it, and then letting it go without attaching emotion to it.
I see each practice session and each thought as an indicator. Was this session harder than yesterday? Maybe the day has been stressful, and I need to take some tasks off my plate. Do thoughts about an upcoming trip keep popping up? Well, maybe I should address those concerns later today and put my mind at peace. Even a harder session is successful because I learn more about my current mental state of being. It helps me check in and make sure my mental health progress is kept on track.
Releasing the pressure to be "good" at meditating is the first step to a great practice. There is no perfect way to meditate. Everyone is different and will have easier and harder days. The ultimate goal is to learn patience and mindfulness, not to learn how to be empty for hours. The only way to be "bad" at meditation is not to meditate at all.
As I sit down to reflect on the therapeutic power of spring cleaning and self-esteem, I am drawn into a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. Growing up, I never realized the profound impact that tidying my space could have on my mental wellbeing and self-esteem. However, as I have navigated through life's challenges, I have gradually uncovered the transformative effects of decluttering and organizing my surroundings. In short, your self-esteem can be affected by spring cleaning.
For many individuals like myself, living with a mental health condition can sometimes feel like navigating a storm of chaos and uncertainty. These internal fluctuations cast shadows of doubt and insecurity over daily life. Amidst this tumultuous internal landscape, my external environment often mirrored the chaos within. Cluttered spaces became a physical manifestation of my overwhelmed mind, exacerbating negative thoughts and emotional states.
How Spring Cleaning Lifts Your Self-Esteem
It was not until I incorporated spring cleaning into my life that I began to fully appreciate the potential for growth and healing that comes with the simple act of tidying up. Inspired by the changing seasons and the promise of renewal, I decided to embark on a journey to reclaim control over my surroundings and, in turn, my mental wellbeing and self-esteem through spring cleaning.
As I delved into the process of decluttering, I was met with a myriad of emotions ranging from frustration to liberation. Sorting through years of accumulated possessions felt like sifting through the layers of my own psyche, confronting buried memories and unresolved emotions along the way. Yet, with each discarded item and organized space, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, as if I were shedding the burdens of the past and making room for new beginnings.
Spring Cleaning and Help Your Self-Esteem by Creating an Organized Mind
One of the most striking revelations I encountered during my spring cleaning journey was the profound impact that an organized environment had on my sense of self-esteem. As I transformed cluttered spaces into serene sanctuaries, I found myself standing a little taller, with a newfound sense of pride and accomplishment. The simple act of creating order out of chaos became a tangible reminder of my ability to overcome and effect positive change in my life.
Moreover, as I surrounded myself with clean, clutter-free spaces, I noticed a remarkable improvement in my ability to think clearly and focus on the tasks at hand. This newfound clarity of mind enabled me to approach challenges with greater resilience and confidence, empowering me to tackle even the most daunting of obstacles with renewed vigor. Spring cleaning had improved my self-esteem.
In essence, spring cleaning has become far more than just a seasonal chore for me; it has evolved into a powerful tool for self-care and personal growth. Through the process of decluttering and organizing my surroundings, I have learned to cultivate a sense of inner peace and resilience that transcends the chaos of everyday life. Each dusted shelf and neatly arranged drawer serves as a testament to my strength and determination to thrive despite the challenges I face.
As I look back on my journey, I am filled with gratitude for the transformative power of spring cleaning on my self-esteem. In embracing the art of tidying up, I have discovered a path to healing and empowerment that continues to guide me toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.
Early this week at my meeting, we shared some of the toughest hurdles we've faced on our journey to gambling addiction recovery, and I couldn't help but notice that budgeting and debt managing emerged as a key theme. It's difficult to dig yourself out of debt and regain financial stability, especially if you don't know much about finance management. There are also limited resources on the topic aimed at recovering gamblers. This inspired me to delve deeper into the topic, as rebuilding finances was also one of my biggest challenges on my journey to recovery.
Debt Management and Budgeting in Gambling Addiction Recovery
Here are some tips that deal with budgeting and debt management in addiction that helped me along the way:
Create a budget — Having a budget in gambling addiction recovery helped guide my spending decisions and keep me accountable. It provided a clear picture of my financial situation, allowing me to better understand how much money I have coming in, how much is going out, and what I need to do to grow my finances.
Prioritize debt repayment — If you have debt from your gambling days, prioritize paying it. Many finance experts advise paying off high-interest-rate debts first — the debt avalanche approach. This approach reduces the total interest you pay in the long term and the amount of time it will take you to get out of debt.
Track your expenses — The aim is to start and grow your savings and minimize your debts. To achieve this, keeping track of your expenses and identifying areas you can cut back is essential. Various apps help with tracking expenses. You can also use a spreadsheet.
Build an emergency fund — Having a safety net meant I could breathe a little easier. I knew that in an emergency, I could cover unexpected expenses without relying on loans. I suggest you aim to save at least three to six months of living expenses.
Increase your income — Look for opportunities to increase your income, such as freelancing.
Seek professional help — Finance can be challenging, and some approaches may need to be reviewed. Financial advisors and credit consultants can provide valuable guidance and support tailored to your situation to facilitate debt management in addiction recovery. They can help you develop a solid financial plan, negotiate with creditors, and offer strategies for long-term financial stability.
Budgeting and debt management in gambling addiction recovery can be challenging, but it is possible. With determination and discipline, you can regain control of your finances and pave the way for a brighter future.
Use Budgeting and Debt Management in Gambling Addiction Recovery to Rebuild Your Finances
Handling others' reactions to verbal abuse can be challenging. Managing a verbally abusive relationship is difficult, especially when an outsider provides their opinion on the situation. Listening to reactions from others dismissing the severity of the problem can cause feelings of anger and resentment. Someone who is the regular target of verbal abuse may seek out support from others only to face avoidance or skepticism.
I've found that often, those who've experienced verbal abuse will unnecessarily assume responsibility for other people's feelings. This behavior is just one of the side effects that can occur from trying to live in a verbally abusive relationship. Unfortunately, I understand this scenario all too well. My abusers would make me feel like their negative emotions were the result of my actions, placing the blame on me.
You Have No Control Over People's Reactions to Verbal Abuse
As a target of verbal abuse, I've spent many years trying to control negative situations and keep them from escalating. I tried my best to manage external factors so other people wouldn't get upset with me. This people-pleasing behavior not only hindered my coping skills but didn't generate the result I wanted.
The reactions to my verbal abuse story have sometimes been negative. These reactions have included feedback like:
You weren't abused. You were a happy child. I never saw any abuse in your home.
Are you sure he meant it that way? Maybe he was just having a bad day.
I can't see that happening at all.
Can you block your post so (a particular person) can't see it? I don't want them to view (the abuser) in a bad light.
You must be remembering things from a past life.
I became upset and frustrated when people didn't react to verbal abuse as I expected or wanted. I would try harder to prove my point of view and justify my actions. I thought I had to make everyone understand my position because they were making me out to be the bad guy instead of the abuser.
People's Reactions to Verbal Abuse Isn't Your Responsibility
It took me years of therapy to realize that I have no control over other people's reactions to verbal abuse. I cannot make someone believe me or support me if they don't want to. I have had to learn how to grieve these relationships and move forward without these people in my life.
Although having people around who believe in and support you is ideal for healing, not everyone will be on board with your healing journey. People will take sides in every situation, regardless of the facts. It may hurt to realize that a loved one is someone with a negative reaction to your verbal abuse story. You may not be able to trust and confide in them, but others can fill that role for you.
Your healing journey begins once you stop trying to convince others of your worth. No one should have to prove themselves worthy or right when it comes to a verbally abusive relationship. So, if your loved ones don't believe you or want to support you as you build a life away from verbal abuse, it's time to find ones that do. You'll be better off as you navigate life and build healthy relationships.
Life has changed drastically since the COVID-19 pandemic; it's why the term "new normal" was used to describe the post-pandemic world. From work and education to social interactions and healthcare, virtually every aspect of life was affected. Although the World Health Organization declared the end of COVID-19 as a public health emergency on May 11, 20231, many of these aspects never returned to normal. In fact, the disease is around to date, which is why some people still wear masks in public spaces. Since the world went into survival mode for a couple of years, we didn't have time to process the monumental changes we were going through. But now that we are no longer in a crisis, I wonder if we have mentally adjusted to the new normal.
How Normal Is the New Normal?
Generally speaking, what we consider normal today would have been labeled weird in a pre-COVID world. Take the case of remote work. I knew very few people who worked from home before the pandemic, and they often got judged for it. Today, however, working from home is not only considered normal, it is seen as a perk. Many of us now prefer remote or hybrid jobs to full-time office jobs.
While this may seem like we have exposure to a lot more opportunities, I feel that the trend of remote work has only made it harder to seek employment. While remote work makes it possible to work from anywhere, it also hinders employment because candidates from anywhere can apply for the same job. Previously, one had to contend with local talent, whereas now, the competition is global. I believe getting hired has become harder than ever, and the recent developments in artificial intelligence have only complicated matters. If you are lucky not to be in this position, check in with your family and friends struggling to find a job. Only a job seeker knows the mental health challenges that come with being unable to secure employment and having money troubles. And if you are a job seeker, remember to go easy on yourself.
The new normal also involves coping with the sudden deaths of all the loved ones we lost in the pandemic. People didn't even get to say their goodbyes to loved ones, seeing as there were restrictions like limited visitation in hospitals and restrictions on gatherings and funeral services. All of this has complicated the already intricate grieving process, leaving many of us with unresolved feelings of guilt, regret, and anger, and a lack of closure. I lost a few relatives to the coronavirus, and even though I knew it wasn't possible at the time, a part of me blames myself for not seeing them one last time. I can only imagine the grief of the countless children orphaned by this disease. Besides revolutionizing work-life and unexpected deaths, COVID-19 changed the world in too many ways to list.
Is It Possible to Adjust to the New Normal?
I don't know if adjusting to the new normal is possible because it hasn't settled down and is still evolving. All we can do is try our best to roll with the punches. Check out my video below, where I talk about some ways to adjust to the challenges of the post-pandemic world.
Source
WHO chief declares end to COVID-19 as a global health emergency. (2023, May 6). UN News. https://news.un.org/en/story/2023/05/1136367
I've found that self-care for premenstrual syndrome is critical. Hormonal changes from premenstrual syndrome (PMS) cause me to feel tired, bloated, sore, depressed, and sometimes angry. There are days when I can barely get out of bed. During this time, I feel guilty for not being productive. However, to manage, it is important to be kind to myself and practice self-care for PMS symptoms. Here are six ways I take care of myself during my period.
6 Ways to Practice Self-Care for PMS Symptoms
I manage my PMS using these self-care methods:
I seek support from my female friends. Talking to people who understand my struggle with PMS helps me feel less alone. My girlfriends share things that help them during their periods, such as baths, tea, dark chocolate, and heating pads. In addition to getting helpful tips from friends, we can joke about our periods. As they say, laughter is one of the best medicines.
I engage in creative hobbies. Light exercise is important, but sometimes my cramps are excruciating. Pain medicine does not always help. Creative hobbies like coloring, diamond painting, and writing relax me, which helps me feel better physically and mentally.
I practice thought reframing. Every month during my period, bloating makes me feel terrible about my body image. So, I often label myself negatively, which makes my depression worse. I reframe my thoughts by reminding myself that bloating is a natural part of the hormonal changes during my period. It will go away in a few days.
I listen to autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR) sounds. Sometimes, brain fog makes it difficult to practice thought reformation and positive affirmations. So, I listen to soothing sounds and voices from ASMR artists. Some audio recordings are specifically tailored for PMS relief.
I try to stay hydrated. During my period, I often get migraines. When pain medicine does not help, I assume that they are caused by dehydration. While drinking water is critical, I do not like the lack of flavor. So I drink chamomile tea and hot chocolate. The warmth relieves my headaches and my cramps.
I allow my body to rest. Losing a lot of blood during my period depletes my energy levels. So when I feel significantly more tired some days, I remind myself that something isn't necessarily wrong with me. This is a natural part of having my period. So, it is okay to sleep more some days. By allowing myself to rest, I recover faster.
Those are just some self-care techniques for PMS. I will practice self-care in many more ways in the future, such as changing my diet and taking daily vitamins. Do you have any PMS self-care during tips? Please share them in the comments.
Improving interpersonal communication with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be a lifelong task. For me, interpersonal communication with BPD becomes a battleground where the stakes are high. One misstep could lead to unintended consequences, exacerbating my BPD symptoms.
Interpersonal Communication with Borderline PD: Passivity Versus Hostility
The inability to maintain harmony in interpersonal communication with borderline PD often comes at a cost: sacrificing one's true self. Over the years, I've found myself caught in a cycle of people pleasing, molding my responses to appease others at the expense of my integrity and authenticity. As a former chronic people-pleaser, I was bending over backward to accommodate others, suppressing my own needs and desires in the process. The facade of congeniality I presented masked the turmoil brewing beneath the surface.
On the flip side, there's this inclination with me, this urge to unleash my inner storm upon those closest to me. When angry enough, I would abandon the pretense and let words fly like sharp-edged arrows without a second thought. Rather than cultivating authentic bonds, my timidity in expressing myself and my penchant for fervent self-defense only led to strained relationships. I'd feel a sense of disconnect from everyone around me. I was teetering on the precipice of aggression, blurring the line between passivity and hostility.
Interpersonal Communication with Borderline PD: Assertiveness
It wasn't until I surrendered to the guidance of professional support a decade ago that I untangled the threads of interpersonal communication with BPD. With therapy as my compass and mindfulness as my anchor, I learned to champion my own needs while honoring others' boundaries. However, this transformation was no mere flick of a switch. Navigating emotionally charged dialogs felt akin to the sorcery of Doctor Strange, where time itself seemed to slow. This time gap gifted me the precious space to deliberate and intuit my responses.
Experiencing mindfulness in the middle of a BPD trigger felt like exercising a muscle I didn't know I had. Slowly but surely, I found myself immersed in it more deeply, even in the middle of my most turbulent moments, whether it was delving into eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, or confronting the truth during a heart-wrenching breakup, owning up to my flaws along the way.
Sometimes, this meant crying and experiencing the discomfort of showing sadness for once. Other times, it demanded the courageous act of excising toxic people from my life. Yet, through it all, I embarked on the sacred mission of fostering authentic connections and nurturing the seeds of genuine intimacy. My interpersonal communication with borderline PD improved. Ultimately, assertiveness empowered me to emerge stronger, braver, and infinitely more whole.
Learning to trust yourself after trauma can feel like walking through a minefield. In my experience, if I take one wrong step, I fear my entire life will somehow implode. Even the most minor decisions send me into a fight-or-flight spiral. I deny my intuition and operate out of fear, craving a sense of security and certainty one simply cannot have in life. Learning to trust myself after trauma has been difficult.
It's been a challenge for me to feel fully present without this gnawing feeling in my gut. Am I heading in the right direction? Am I making the right choices? What if I screw up and somehow sabotage my entire future, unable to get what I so desperately want out of life?
These questions often keep me up at night. Learning to trust yourself after trauma is not an easy feat, and it's one I am still navigating.
How Trauma Making It Difficult to Trust Yourself
In my experience, I've carried a lot of self-blame and victimization for the roles I've played in my traumas. While my first trauma as a child was not my fault, I still struggled with shame, thinking I could have handled the situation better. I ridiculed myself for the ways I've coped with the pain and the patterns I've carried out. To this day, I sometimes still tell myself I'll be punished with more trauma if I make the wrong choice. I need to trust myself after trauma, but it feels like I can't.
Trauma has a way of keeping me small. It tells me I'm incapable of making my own decisions and tries to find proof that I cannot trust myself. However, I've learned the more I search for such "proof," the more I'll find. It's like a never-ending self-doubt spiral and a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How to Trust Yourself After Trauma
Learning to trust yourself after trauma might feel uncomfortable at first. In my case, I looked to others for reassurance that I was making the right choices — that I was safe. While a healthy dose of validation was helpful in many instances, it also took my power away at times. I've noticed the best results when I sought objective insight from those I loved and valued — those who empower me to trust myself after trauma. On the other hand, I felt less empowered when I blindly followed the advice of those who simply told me exactly what I should and shouldn't do. Understanding the difference between the two is crucial.
Sitting in silence with myself has gifted me the greatest sense of peace and self-trust. If you're wondering about the best course of action or decision to make, take a moment to close your eyes and breathe deeply. Propose the question at hand — what comes up? What are your instincts telling you? These should surface without fear, as anxiety can certainly cloud judgment. Focus on the calm thoughts that arise, and know that you are in control. Even if you know something intuitively but are not yet ready to trust it, give yourself time to process the information that comes up. This will help you build trust in yourself without a sense of urgency or panic.
Only you know what is best for you, and learning to trust yourself after trauma is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself and your recovery.
Learn more about how I learned to trust myself after my trauma by watching the video below.
Looking for a new job is never easy, but depression while job hunting is even worse. Being unemployed at the same time is terrible, too. Unfortunately, I have experienced that in the last couple of years. Getting lost in the cumbersome tasks of revamping my resume and applying for jobs is dispiriting. Thus, it becomes easy for job hunting to cause my depression to set in quickly.
Depression Affects My Job-Hunting
The depression that is fueled by rejection and the monotony of job hunting is a deep-rooted one. Until I am offered a job, as hard as I fight off the defeated feelings, depression still lingers like a little devil on my shoulder, similar to the ones in cartoons.
Once the depression sets in, I experience a flippant attitude and feeling of hopelessness that tend to co-exist with my depression. I do not care about perfecting my applications or motivating myself to apply for jobs. Yet, in the back of my mind, I know that if I don't submit multiple applications, I will never find new employment. As a result, I would not be able to support myself and my kids with even the basic needs.
These thoughts then push me over the edge, and I begin my spiral into a dark space that is even more difficult to climb out of. Some of my lowest of lows have been precipitated by job hunting. Avoiding depression while job-hunting is tough.
Coping Skills for Depression Caused by Job Hunting
One of the most important things to remember when searching for a job is to be proactive with coping skills. Admittedly, I need to remind myself of this at least once a week. It is easy to get lost in the virtual world of job boards. I have been down many rabbit holes when scrolling through employment postings.
My coping skills for job-seeking while depressed have to be strong. For instance, I will play relaxing music in the background while I work. Other examples are taking short breaks throughout the process or having sweet snacks on hand while sprucing up my resume.
Regardless, there are times when even my most solid coping skills are not enough. This is when I need to be mindful and know I must walk away. I must close the laptop and put it away for the rest of the day to recalibrate my emotional energy.
All in all, one of the most humbling experiences of my 40s has been job hunting with depression. My age is a factor, and the skills I thought I excelled at need improvement. I sometimes look back at my education and skills experience and wonder why I am not getting interviews. Job hunting has tested my coping skills. Some days are better than others.
I would love to hear if any of you have advice or coping skills you have used to avoid becoming depressed when job hunting.
