Social anxiety: we hear the term with increasing frequency. Formerly known as social phobia, it involves the experience of heightened anxiety in social situations. That description, though, barely touches the surface of what social anxiety truly is. Social anxiety relates to thoughts and feelings inside of us as they correspond to people and settings outside of us. Indeed, with social anxiety, both our inner world and our outer one contribute to the feelings of worry, unease, and even fear that can almost paralyze us.

Anxiety is a great obstacle, a jagged rock in the lives of tens of millions of human beings. Anxiety definitely isn't a state of being that most of us would describe as pleasant. It worms its way into our thoughts, tricking us into believing that there’s a lot to fear and to worry about, that we are ruining all sorts of things. Anxiety makes us feel sad, afraid, choked and crushed. It makes us feel miserable in countless ways, and because of that, we want it to vanish from our lives without a trace. But one way to deal with anxiety is to think of life like a Zen garden.

Anxiety isn't funny. It is, instead, rather humorless. When my head pounds and spins, when my chest constricts and spasms in a fit of coughing, when I feel worried and afraid for reasons too vague to wrap my mind around -- and simultaneously too specific to pull my mind out of-- the last thing I feel like doing is laughing. Nothing seems remotely funny. Finding humor can be difficult when we live with anxiety; however, if we can begin to look for humor, we can find that laughter can be a great coping skill. 

Since the beginning of time, people have used objects, people, food, and the like to distract themselves from uncomfortable situations. Children are the masters of this, using their favorite blanket or stuffed animal to reduce their anxiety about pretty much everything. Clearly, the average adult doesn’t want to wander around with a stuffed tiger, but what healthy things can we put in an anxiety toolbox and why should we bother in the first place?

“I want to break free from anxiety!” It’s a common cry, and for good reason. Anxiety, no matter the type of anxiety, can be miserable to live with day in and day out. Frequently, anxiety is a cruel warden, keeping us locked tightly behind bars, veritable prisoners of worry, fear, and guilt. Thankfully, it is indeed possible to break free from anxiety. One of the keys to doing so is to find something to replace the anxiety.

Anxiety can grip us like a vice. Once the worry sets in, the body reacts with a host of anxiety symptoms that vary from person to person. Headaches, pain, stomach trouble, sweating, trembling, and breathing difficulties are some common ways anxiety makes itself known from head to toe, inside and out. Intertwined with the worry and the physical sensations, and an integral component of anxiety is, often, fear. What, exactly, is the meaning fear? And if we deconstruct it, can we reduce our anxiety?

Finding a therapist to help you with anxiety is easily done by opening the phone book or doing a quick Internet search. The difficult part is finding the right therapist, especially if you aren’t sure what to look for. There are many different types of therapists. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the most common type of therapy offered. More important than the type, though, is your personal connection with the therapist.

Anxiety affects us in profound ways. It colors the way we think, feel, and act. Anxiety, once it takes root (Anxiety in Our Brains), it becomes a lens through which we view the world. Our interpretation of what is happening in our lives is filtered through the anxiety disorder with which we live. To be sure, it’s uncomfortable at best to experience a world colored by our own anxiety, but thankfully, we can clean that lens. After all, as Marcus Aurelius wisely observed, “Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”

Feeling delusional and suicidal doesn’t lend itself to stable relationships of any sort, especially those of a romantic variety. Many people with mental illness, including me, describe a loss of friends, alienation from family, and a general sense of loneliness. The stigma of mental illness is very real and people tend to avoid us, rather than date us. Many people with mental illness, though, do reach recovery and lead relatively normal lives – including dating and marriage. What is the secret to finding love and disclosing mental illness to a love interest?

One of the many annoying things about anxiety and anxiety disorders is that they are almost always there. Whatever we do, wherever we go, there it is. Another irksome thing is that sometimes it feels even bigger than we are, dominating our entire being. Fortunately, no matter where we are, what we’re doing or how big anxiety feels, we can shrink it.