My son owns a tee shirt that says, "When life hands you lemons, keep them. Because, you know, free lemons!" I like to keep life light. But sometimes crises happen and they can set our anxiety on overdrive. Once panic sets it, it takes all of our energy. Energy that we need to handle the situation! On the other hand, if we used that energy to handle the situation. It would make our anxiety go down! Really! Read on for Five Things To Do When You are In A Crisis:

Are you afraid to be needy? Why is that? Many people have neediness anxiety: aka “worry about being too needy.” Being “too needy” is generally frowned upon in our individualistic culture. And when we--the appropriate, regular human beings we are--desire some help or company, we mistakenly think something is way wrong with us. We make all kinds of excuses why the other person can't handle our problem on top of theirs; they are too busy or too important to care about us. These are all made up in our mind.

Anxiety is worse than wasted time. Wasted time is just lost time, but anxiety is suffering time. Much worse.

Both of my kids get nervous. Yet all too often, they don't use nervous-describing words to state that they are nervous. Instead, they say, "I don't want to." And when asked why, they say, "I just don't want to."  No reason. Or else they say "I can't." And then, deparately try to convince me that they can't. When they say, "I don't want to" do a chore, I get that there is a reason. I can agree. I don't like doing chores either. But when they say, "I just don't want to" go to a party when I know they always enjoy themselves at parties, this "I don't want to" is a telltale sign that they are nervous.

Do you want a quick way to take anxiety down a notch? Would you like to undermine the power anxiety has over you by sweeping its feet out from under it? When I feel it intensely, I certainly would! You can take anxiety down a notch before it undermines you!

The very first assistant I hired never made a mistake on my schedule, and my clients loved her because she was so kind with them on the phone. She had great ideas and an ability to find the answer to a problem no matter how long it took. The problem was that it took forever. Everything took forever. Nothing was ever done because she did it over and over to get it just right.  At the same time, she had trouble showing up. Yes, I mean she often didn't come to work. If she couldn't come on time and perfectly ready to work, she didn't come. And anything and everything was an excuse. Her perfectionism made her unable to function. Let go of perfectionism: it is grossly inefficient and could get you fired.

High expectations of yourself and others (and situations!) can keep you anxious by telling you you are inadequate, that things are out of control, and that you cannot handle them. This will start the spin cycle of anxiety. You will get anxious, anxiety will say "See I told you you couldn't do this!" and then more anxiety ensues feeding even more negative self talk. Your confidence goes in the toilet and which gives you more evidence you are a failure at life. Do you want to stop this spin cycle?

Fear deconstructs. Fear is not a marriage builder. Actually, not much messes a marriage up more than fear. Fear has partners withdrawing from each other, getting defensive, talking themselves out of making effort, being down right mean to each other, and looking for love in all the wrong places (What Is a Healthy Relationship?). It can ruin a good thing and make a not so good thing much, much worse.

I was afraid of the dark when I was little, and when I am vulnerable, I still feel the same way. Light gives me the sense that there is hope. It connects me to reality when I feel out of control. Because I can see. And seeing is power.

Last night I woke at 2:45 AM from a nightmare drenched in a cold sweat. In the dream, I was trapped at home with my kids, while something strange was going on outside. We had to hide, lest we be shot at through the windows. The worse part was we weren't quite sure what was happening, so we did not know what to do to stop it. All of my nightmares are similar to this one.  I am in the middle of a war zone, hiding-- knowing that at any minute, I will be found by the enemy.