I made up "Invalidation Anxiety" two weeks ago, as I wrote Too Anxious To Speak Up? And was fascinated how many people were sparked by my words and left a lively debate in the comment section. We seem to have all been in situations when people have ridiculed or downgraded us. Some readers were adamant that it is a must for our mental health that we should never allow anyone to be mean, take advantage, or criticize us without standing up for ourselves. I totally agree. But my definition of "allow" might be different!

One year anxiety almost undermined my life and panic almost had me missing the fireworks. I was so anxious that I took my son, who was then a baby, and left the rest of the family on the blanket we set up to watch the fireworks. I could not get out of there fast enough eager to reach the "safety" of my house. (Where I would continue to panic anyway.) I got to my car and was stuck in firework traffic, I could not leave.

Has any of you been too anxious to speak up? I have. So many times in my life! In the past, when I have spoken up for myself, I have been treated like I am overreacting. This has made me anxious to speak up the next time. People had called me crazy, critical, over-reactor, and ridiculous. They have told me to "calm down," and relax, making it look like my fault instead of acknowledging the injustice done to me. This is a tactic of power. It undermines the protests and does a great job of shutting me up. Exactly what that person wants. To ward off more resistance.

Anger is often anxiety's evil twin. We may express ourselves out of anger, but our problem is anxiety and all of its worries and fears. It can be very helpful to know when anxiety is behind anger; then we can address the right problem. So, do you have an anger problem or an anxiety issue?

Adults live with anxiety and fear everyday. Maybe not fear of dying, but fears that weigh us down and cause us to be tired. I'm not the only one who notices how tired we are collectively. Yesterday in a therapy session an eleven year old girl asked me if I was tired. Things have been extra busy around my house, I have been up late and up early. I said, "Yes." She said that whenever she asked a grown up if they are tired, they always say yes. This made me pause. All grown ups are tired? I could relate, I have noticed that, too. What are we doing to ourselves? Why are we all so tired?

How can coping tools help relieve panic attacks? Especially since most panic attacks feel like they come out of the blue, even though there is usually a trigger. The trigger is that you are scared of panic attacks. And why wouldn't you be? They are one of the most uncomfortable experiences on this planet. Having a list of tools can help reduce the number of panic attacks you experience and help you feel less afraid of the panic coming.

Externalizing Fears Lets face it, some fears are ridiculous.  Irrational, untrue and vague, they plague us anyway.  One of the best things you can do is externalize them: Name the fear and be specific. (Fears like to be vague about themselves, evasive they gain power over us. Exposed, we undermine that power.) Take the fear outside your identity, see it as a fear, and give it a name: (i.e., fear that you forgot the door unlocked, fear of not being cool enough, fear of spiders, fear of getting robbed, fear of a loved one leaving you, fear of looking fat).

One of the biggest myths (tricks) of the Anxiety is that it makes you think you are out of control. Anxiety loves to make people feel that they are out of control. Believing this is one of the biggest problems for anxious people.  If they knew they had control, they would not be anxious.  For family members, friends, and mental health professionals, it is important that we deconstruct the belief that the anxious person is "out of control" and help him or her see what control they have, thus helping the anxiety decrease.

Yes, control issues can cause anxiety, but it is much more complicated than that. Anxiety has us feel like we are “out of control.” This is one of its biggest tricks it has to stay in power over us. It is important for us to see how it makes us feel “out of control,” because once it is visible we can do something about it. 

"Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once." William Shakespeare, Julius Caeser It was February 1977.  We tumbled out of our wooden paneled station wagon, returning home from Indian Princesses, a YMCA craft and activity program to enhance relationships between fathers and daughters.