Depression Can Drain You Of Your Will To Live

I've been wanting to kill myself for the past 3 years now and have tried mutliple times but I'm too afraid to seek help from my friends and family, I'm afriad of what they'll say if I tell them I want to die. Nothing makes sense to me anymore, I don't even have a will to eat or drink anymore.

I also don’t want to live. I can’t put things into words that make sense to anyone. I’ve just given up. I have 4 kids and I know in my heart I’m hurting them being here and would hurt them being gone. I hate my life. It feels like the largest chore just to be awake and survive.

I have been thinking of killing myself for the past 2 years now. However, everytime I am about to, I stop. Sometimes because I am afraid of the physical pain I would have to go through for hours before I succumb to the injuries. Sometimes it was my parents I thought about. How would they feel when they see my dead body. And sometimes, a voice from somewhere that said. Wait there is happiness just around the corner. Only if you walk a little more.
But somehow I am not able to reach that place. Not able to get the happiness I want. I dont know how long I can hold on. I am tired now. I just want someone to just take away all my emotions and feelings. This feeling of being unhappy, expectations, want of being valued, respected and being loved.
And if nobody can do that, then just take away my soul.

I can't find one reason to stay alive. I wish it was that easy. I have no family, no friends, I've been battling a terminal illness for years. I don't leave the house for weeks at a time, sometimes months. I live in extreme physical pain. For the last 2 years, I have added mental pain to that. People think that suicide is a cowards way out. I totally disagree! Every day I want to kill myself, but I don't have the guts.

Sure, I find little things here and there that bring me a slight level of pleasure and keep my mind off of how much I want my life to end, but I still feel hopeless about my long term prospects in life. I am 41, single, childless, and living at home. This is nothing like the life I desired. My inability to properly manage diabetes ruined my life over a ten year period. Now I just feel stuck. I am basically unhireable in my old industry (accounting) because I haven't done it in so long. The best paying job I can find around here is pizza delivery, which I had to leave because I couldn't stop eating the damn food.
I feel completely lost in life. I have no idea what direction to go to next or how on Earth I'm going to find a way to build enough value that someone is actually.going to pay me enough to get back on my own again. Ive been back living at home for two years now and I feel worse than ever. I tried turning my focus to God and that hasn't seemed to help. I feel a deep inability to connect with people anymore, which has led me to despise my local community and even my own family. No one seems to understand the difficulty of my situation. Diabetes destroyed my ability to focus and my psychological health. I had so many dreams in life of being successful and making a difference in this world, and now I just sit at home counting the days till my death. I realize people say suicide isn't the right answer, but in my situation I just see no hope in things ever getting any better, because I simply dont know how to make them better, and nobody else seems to know either. After all that hard worling getting good grades for daddy in high school and working hard to get a college degree in a major that daddy approved of and working to get a masters while working full time so daddy would see that i wasnt just a lazy bum, I still am here, a complete loser in life, because that is what society has dictated. A man who has no children who lives at home at 41 is a loser. Why would I want to keep living if I'm a loser?

Findibg those small things to motivate you step by step is great and all, but it it can also make you feel more like an empty shell seeking for something to fill that numb void, we were forced into these lives that we did not choose after all. Few years back i wanted to take my life same as many others that feel the same, but after about an hour kneeling on thr floor with a gun to my head, i though that maybe there is a happy version of me in the future that has found a something to fill this dark hole in my chest, and the only thing sitting between these versions of me is time. I spent the next few years of my life trying to wait out these hollow feelings, but ultinately this just left me numb and now incapable of communicating these feelings with other people.
Ultimately i am trapped in a dark cell wherein im both the afraid prisoner and the cruel warden.
... i guess 8 years wasnt enough... i need to wait more, till one day i can find that happiness that can make these years worth it. I have given up being suicidal and decided to be stubborn instead, no matter how much time i waste. This intovert will just have to sleep it off 1 night at a time.

I had the odd thought today, as I felt, to my core: "I have nothing to lose. Really, I could die right now and be okay with it." The subsequent thought: Well, if it's no great sacrifice, time to be a superhero. Risk everything doing something good, something that matters.
I guess I'm probably not going to pick out anything in spandex (I'm already wearing yoga pants, after all), but when I feel like I've got nothing to lose, maybe that's a potential position of strength.

My opinion is like: Continue living so you can change things. There are plenty of reasons to live on and love and try. If there is pain or if there are problems, as long as we live, we can fix it. Taking your life will hurt others whether you recognize it or not. If you've held on for this long, then you have enough strength. Seek help and cast out the demon of depression. If you take your life you can lose things that you don't know about yet. You can not meet people you need. You cannot meet the people that will need you in the future that can make your life beautiful and vice versa. Good luck everybody and hold on. [Edited]

Yes i believe that. Many times I want to end my life. I am so sick and tired of living in the dark place. I want my emotional pain to end. Yes, when I think about singing because it is my passion to sing one day in front of a big audience. To be recognize with such talent.
I will always keep that in mind. When the whispers of suicide knocks on me again.
Thanks you.

Damn son, you really are good at writting. Thanks for this great article.

My wife has had m.e/chronic fatigue syndrome for 3 years now, lately she told me that she reserves all her energy for our daughter, and that she has nothing left for me. I dont have any friends and my family live overseas. I have chronic back pain and now can't go back to work. Without any income now, we are having to sell our house. I really miss initimisy, even a cuddle would be nice. I love my wife and daughter. I am trying to live. I should be grateful. I guess I'm venting because I have no one to talk too. Honestly, I don't want to live any more, but I can't give up for my daughter. [moderated] Sorry, I'm such a mess. But I have to endure. I feel for all of you. Best of luck. Does anyone else feel like earth is hell and we are here to be punished?

I agree with Peter, I'm not suicidal but I am exhausted and overwhelmed by a life that's just too hard. There aren't many nights that my last waking thought isn't the hope that I don't wake up and have to do it all again.

I feel like nobody cares and that I'm faking it. I've lost a daughter, I've been deployed, I lost both grandfather's in one year, I was hollered at a lot growing up and started fist fighting my stepdad at age 8, I got beaten until almost dead in my second marriage, he put a gun to my head and shot a round next to my head, I've tried asking for help, I've gone to the VA, I've gone to counseling, I've taken pills prescribed, talked to a grieving counselor, I almost died because I attempted suicide, I've been in the hospital, it's all the same textbook stuff, everyone looks at me like I'm a monster, I don't fit in anywhere, people talk over me or they ignore me, I'm angry all the time, when I'm alone I have punched holes in the wall. I'm ready to just go to sleep, I'm tired of this life so tired of it, I force myself to do every day things and I fake it good, I just hate everything about this world and I'm better off dead.

I have been through counselling, antidepressants and nothing seems to be working. I pretend I am OK and things are helping out of embarrassment and not wanting my privacy invaded anymore. I have a beautiful 18 month old daughter but I can't enjoy her because I'm so sad and hurt inside. I have had a difficult time through my life, my father died suddenly when I was 9, I was raped at university, things spiralled down then. I thought I had everything together after coming out of post natal depression with a new baby and a husband who loved me. That was all false hope, my mother got diagnosed with a terminal illness, I found messages between my husband and other women on his phone. He has reassured me it was nothing. My mother has been dead for a year, I don't trust my husband. I feel like I have nothing but hurt left.

Hi its been a year since i found my dad commit suside and i dont now how too deal whith my self any more where do i begin feel hope less

Life sucks and then you die. I am not suicidal, but I have no will to live, life has just completely drained me. Too many struggles, just plain tired.

This is my first time on a blog. I feel like I am in a vortex of water swirling, swirling, swirling and slowing sinking. I can't take this depression anymore. I thought i won the fight.

I have come across this page looking for something to help me from taking my life. I was blissfully happy until 7 months ago my youngest child started having problems with his walking, and after many months of investigations and hundreds of tests the conclusion is it is some genetic condition for which there is no cure at present, and he will most likely become disabled. The thought of watching my baby deteriorate like that is do unbearable that I do not want to carry on living. I have lost interest in everything, including my other child and husband, and my mind is one dark place. I don't know how to carry on. I will never be happy again so there is no point in carrying on. I know o have to be there for my children, but I can't live with this pain and misery for the rest of my life.

Its sad but at the same time relieving to know im not alone. I just feel sp worthless and cant stop the thoughts that it would be better without me here. I used to drink to mask feelings which ended me with a dui and crash that led me to trouble and now here i am still feeling the same way with no masking and wondering why i am here. I cant seem to get a grip. I try to stay positive and to kill the negative thoughts but they return everytime.

I Suffer from Depression, Mikaela. It started late last year. At first, It terrified me, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders while ALL the emotions and feelings were drained out of me. I started losing interest in EVERYTHING that used to make me happy. Friends, Family, Music, Everything. Happiness was just absent, I found everything pointless cos it doesn't make me feel any better, all I feel is sadness. I find it pointless to get out of bed in the Morning. I have NO REASON to smile, I look foward to nothing. But I had surrounded myself with so many friends already, I felt so disconnected from them. Everything we used to do together was just dull and grey for me. I see them smile and laugh but to me it's all the same, just sadness throughout my day.
I don't want anyone to feel like I'm abandoning them or I'm distancing myself from them so I fake it, I put on a smile everyday, almost a mask, I drag myself out of bed and do my daily routines although it's hard, almost impossible, in fact cos I feel so empty. I go to school, I go out, I hang out with friends, everyday i constantly drag myself to do things cos it's what normal people do and it's what Society expects from me but I have no interest in any of it, What I really want is to be alone, crying on my bed as I do every night cos I can't sleep. I just lay there and surrender myself to my thoughts.
I feel dead, Mikaela. I'm totally disconnected from the rest of the world emotionally. My body is the only attachment I still have in the world. I can't be happy, I can't be angry, I can't feel anything, I don't find anything funny anymore. I'm just dragging my body along as hours pass.
I have so many people looking up to me, Mikaela. I have people who love me, Friends and family who care about me, A girlfriend who adores me yet I can't receive what they're giving, nor can I give it back. These people see me as a normal person yet I feel like a mere corpse. I don't want to hurt anybody, I don't want them to see what im going through. I find it a lot easier to stay in bed all day, reading articles about other people suffering from this darkness, At least I can relate with them. At Least they know how it is for me.
Depression, I've learned, isn't caused by sadness or being alone. In Varsity, I have people who think we're friends, best friends even, yet I barely remember their names. I'm doing great academically, In fact, when I'm in class is the only time I see colour. Otherwise my entire life is grey and my comfort zone is in utter solitude, painted black with a pool of tears.
I love my girlfriend so much. I've told her about it but she's overly optimistic about it. She tells me it'll all be fine, telling me I must pray, Her optimism keeps me alive really but it's only limited in facilitating my survival.
I like to think I have a strong relationship with God, I pray twiice a day and I am unashamed about my faith in HiM but... I see no change, Mikaela. I've given HiM all I can, God knows my intentions and my purpose in this world but I can't even find a purpose for the day. I'm drifting deeper and deeper out of the real world. Too often for my own good, I think I've reached my time-span In this world, seeing as I'm so disconnected from it, I feel like emotionally i died sometime last year but God forgot to take the life out of my body, it comes with no saying that I always think about doing it myself instead.
I'm sorry to bother you with my shit. But my story has to be told.
And please talk to me as a normal teenager. No amount of asking me to pray, go to church or strengthen my relationship with God will make a difference cos trust me, I've done all the above to the best of my abilities but I'm still right where I started.

I have been the hospital with a mini stroke because my landlord has been attempting to destroy me and has succeeded because she won an eviction. I also suffer with Bi Polar and been abandon by all my family . I have lost my will to live.

I've been touched by reading how so many people are struggling with so many different issues, it brought tears to my eyes. We are all human beings created for a purpose. Just reading how some people are coping and not giving up is up lifting in itself. The pain of suffering is real. Life moves quickly with no regard to emotions. I pray to God that everyone who is in that blackness of hopelessness will find the strength to hold on. I believe in the power of prayer. I hope that all of us will gather hope through each of our stories. Hope, compassion, love, concern. We have to believe in God and one another. God Bless you all.

But my one thing is thinking about a woman who will never ever love me, so I'm really starting to lose the will.

There is so much pain in this page. I came here looking for support..i am early 40s n had anxiety n panic attack severe 3 months ago..now im on medication but the side effects are terrible..i was told to resign from job...my body is in pain all the time..