Find Your Hidden Trauma Triggers Caused by Domestic Abuse

I was emotionally and physically abused from 5 years old on by my father. Then 17 years by my ex husband. I have been divorced for 10 years and away from my father for longer than that. I have come a long way in my recovery but still encounter triggers. I have been in a loving, supportive relationship for 4 years with my husband. These triggers are irrational. My husband asked me recently when I had a trigger why I would want to live with triggers that question his feelings for me. I realize and explained that I DON'T! My question is how do I work through these triggers?

How did you make the memories stop?
Its 10 yrs since I was abused. I was beaten multiple times a week and even had the bones in my face shattered. I cant stop reliving the images, sounds, memory of the intense physical pain. Its like a movie that plays in my mind. There are times I push it to the side, because I have to to live life. However, sometimea things happen and it starts that movie playing in my mind again. I just want it to stop playing.

Twenty-three years later, and in my first relationship with anyone. Being a single mom, I decided not to date....I didn't realize how much the abuse played into the decision. Now it seems I have periods where I am filled with joy....and then a deep bereft takes over....doesn't last more than a week. But it consumes and twice now I've left the relationship....He's been really patient....reading these articles have helped immensely in seeing the why of my running. Oh my, 23 years later and I still...thank you.

First off I want to say excellent blog! I had a quick question in which I'd like to ask if you do not mind.
I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear
your thoughts prior to writing. I've had a difficult time clearing
my thoughts in getting my ideas out there. I do take pleasure in writing but it just seems
like the first 10 to 15 minutes are usually lost just trying to figure out how to begin. Any ideas or tips?
Cheers!

it is not allowing me to go to other articles. :-( This article was great thanks so helpful

I have been out of my emotional and sexual abusive relationship for almost 2 years. I recently have discovered I am no longer scared of him and that gave me alot of myself back. But I recently watched a newer episode of law and order svu (I've watched them before since the abuse and been fine) but in this episode it focused on the controlling and emotional aspect more and it showed the confrontation go from the women trying to break up with her abuser and it ended with him hitting her which is where the scene ends. I left my abuser before it got to that severity but that scene in the show keeps replaying in my mind and made me feel uncomfortable and sick and I can't stop thinking about how that could have been me. I don't know why it's bugging me. I thought I was over this it's been two years....

Leave in your mind. Not physically. Start with your mind.

Hello my name is Heather i have neen in a relationship for 8 yrs now and when it get bad it gets ugly i have been emotionally abandoned and verbally abused most days. I know i deservere better than this i have done everything i can possibly do and im whore out it feels as if he sucks my good energy out for himself. Like a vampire. Mr x i will call him has been a very self centered and narcissist in every way my question is this is there any hope at all is this the true him i stood by him thick and thin and he cant even have the simple respect to be a decent person to me .he puts a fake front in companey i mean its rediculious hes not fun at all but for what ever reason i keep staying i made him leave 3 times and it was better for a min then it changed i cant even enjoy my life anymore he lives in my home and it seems like im the stranger he cobstantly ignores me eats everyyhing in the house with no respect for me he uses so much stuff and dont replace it ever HELP i feel like the biggest fool ever and i really dont know what to do.

I was also in a long term abusive relationship, 16 years long. I have two boys 13 and 3 who have spent their lives growing up in a household full of lies, deceit, betrayal, verbal out bursts, physical contact, tears shed, emotional-physical-mental-emotional and verbal abuse was of the normalcy. Where the love, laughter and family times and values slowly became engulfed in this evil, cruel, dark n scary plague that only seemed to target the weak which in this case myself and my 13 year old. Coming from a physical and verbal abusive childhood, the statistics that bet all odds that once I entered adulthood, chances were that I would seek and gravitate towards the more unhealthy relationships than healthy ones. Those odds and statistics were 100%correct in my circumstance. Why? You ask? What ppl don't truly realize and understand or they do but choose not believe and/or admit to it is when u spend majority of your life suffereing from any form of abuse or maybe it was just a brief time frame but the abuse was so severe it triggered various emotions within ourselves which ultimately left a lot of its victims fragile, weak, easily manipulated, unable to see our true worth, depressed, afraid, secluded, humiliated, angry, sad, hurt, ashamed etc. So with that said, those different emotions we were left with just opened the gates for what type of relationships? We as humans will tend to veer towards what we already know, what we are accustomed to rather than veer towards something new, something out of our comfort level. So we enter these relationships already defeated which takes away our power, strength and ability to take charge of our lives and determine what we will n what we won't stand for. It breaks my heart because I can relate to every last one of you but it fills my heart with hope because I am a survivor and I am here to tell anyone willing to listen n believe me when I say you will be okay. You have so much life to live that u had no idea even existed. But only you know when enough is enough but try and realize it before enough turns into suicidal addeations. Like my many failed attempts. Your worth so much more. And anyone's far anyone's the kids get them out of the situation fast because we as parents are the ones responsible for raising, shaping, and teaching our kids right from wrong, life's many valuable lessons and own experiences to hopefully empower them to become a respectable decent human being when we let them enter this roller coaster of a place we call life. So don't set them up for failure right off the bat how unfair is that to them. Surround yourself with positive supports and set boundaries for those who are negative attributes in your life. It's time start taking care of YOU and YOUR journey to your new life that awaits u. And there are many resources for victims of abuse. Assisted living programs, work force programs, free child car, counseling, even someone to guide you n help get ur life back on track. So hold ur head high and when u look at ur self in the mirror remember this saying I often repeat on a daily basis..." I wasn't given this life to lead I was chosen to lead this life. I was tested mentally, physically, emotionally and pulled every direction before I was hand selected by a greater power not because I failed or portrayed weakness, but because I possessed strength, courage and wisdom needed to live the life that was chosen specifically for me to lead. Only the strong survive. So reach deep within ur self and pull out what your positive supports and ppl who love you knew u had all along and take life head on....it's time we put wasted years fighting our way to our own demise to fighting years to come for a chance at life. Do you truly know how blessed you are? And what a huge compliment to know u were selected out of many to lead a life a lot of ppl couldnt. That God or whom ever u believe in or don't had and still has that much faith and belief that everything good or bad that comes ur way u can handle it...now pat ur self on the back

Margo, please look up the Domestic Violence Coalition for your state. They should have a toll free number to call and can connect you to a program close to you. The local DV program should offer free services such as crisis line support, counseling, shelter and other resources to help you plan a way to exit the abuse. Always call the police if you are in imminent danger. Stay safe and best wishes

I left, 10yrs of hell followed (family court, social stigma, decline in health & loneliness), it ended with the sudden death of our youngest.
You can't do this alone, move close to 'REAL' supporters - family & friends, under the guise of 'holiday' Get Child Safety & Women's DV services involved - & FIGHT!

I am in a relationship that the abuse has gone from just me to my children, if we leave we are leaving everything I have. this home and everything in it is MINE and my kids the only thing that isnt is the land. I do not have the money to move the home, my family has disowned me for staying with him and I have no money, im not allowed to work and I try to make money online and I start to then he tells me I never will so I quit. I need help real help not someone telling me to leave everything that is mine and my kids,..i cant hurt my kids more than I have.