Learning how to make the shift from rigid to flexible behavior is a crucial part of eating disorder recovery. But I will be upfront about this: I am not a naturally adaptable or flexible person. I consider myself a creature of habit, someone who finds comfort in strict routines and stable environments. I structure my life in precise, meticulous detail—from the location in my house where I work, the times I eat and exercise, to the number of steps I take on a daily basis. Therefore, shifting from rigid to flexible behavior in eating disorder recovery is no simple task.
Precision creates a sense of order, which calms the anxious undercurrent humming in my brain. However, it also causes rigidity to the point where I feel wildly off-balance if a situation throws my routine for a loop. This lack of control can easily draw me into anorexia's orbit, so I recognize the need to shift from rigid to flexible behavior in eating disorder recovery.
Why It's Beneficial to Shift from Rigid to Flexible Behavior
Let's underscore this conversation with a story to help illustrate why making the shift from rigid to flexible behavior is so important for eating disorder recovery. The incident I will share in the following video is a recent example from my own life—and for the sake of honesty, I am not proud of it. But although I spectacularly fumbled this sequence of events, I do think it shows just how harmful rigidity can be. Not to mention, it reinforces the gifts of flexibility.
I'm Learning to Shift from Rigid to Flexible Behavior in My Recovery
Rigid behavioral patterns can offer an illusion of security, but where is the freedom in that? In my own experience, rigidity cements the foundation for an eating disorder to wreak havoc, whereas flexibility creates the space to flourish outside the limits of my comfort zone. So, I will take this lesson to heart as I move forward in the healing journey.
Comments about verbal abuse can help or hurt. People can be generally helpful, even when they hear of a verbally abusive relationship. They may offer words of support or advice they think are beneficial to the situation. Often, these people mean well, but sometimes, their comments about verbal abuse are not helpful or well-received. There can be a fine line between supporting a victim of verbal abuse and minimizing their experience.
Hurtful Comments About Verbal Abuse Disguised as Support
Unfortunately, not everyone can put themselves in your shoes when you are in a verbally abusive relationship. This lack of empathy can create tension between someone trying to be supportive of another. In some cases, an individual may offer advice or comments about verbal abuse that are unintentionally hurtful.
Some of the remarks I've heard from outsiders that didn't sit well with me were:
Every relationship has problems. You both need to work at it to make it work.
They never seemed verbally abusive when I met/worked/lived with them.
Why don't you stand up for yourself? I wouldn't let someone talk to me like that.
When I receive comments about verbal abuse like these, I feel more alone than ever. Common remarks like these show a lack of understanding of my situation. An outsider cannot fully comprehend how challenging it can be to try and work on a relationship with someone who is abusive or has no resources to change their situation.
Comments About Verbal Abuse that Are Supportive
Instead of making assumptions about an individual's verbally abusive situation, there are other ways to support them. Some things to remember when talking to a person who discloses verbal abuse to you include:
If you want to support a friend or loved one, try using these helpful comments about verbal abuse:
Thank you for telling me. I'd love to help you in any way I can.
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I'm here to talk anytime you need.
You aren't alone. I am here for you.
Verbal abuse is not okay. Did you need help finding local resources to help you through this?
You have a right to feel safe. Can I help you find support and resources in your area?
Being the target of verbal abuse is never easy or deserved. This behavior can slowly escalate over time, making it difficult for the victim to identify with a harmful situation until it's too late.
Remember that verbal abuse comes in many forms, and everyone may handle these circumstances differently. It's not a question of why the verbal abuse happened but how to stop it and heal from it.
Recently, I got my blood levels tested for a schizoaffective disorder medication I’m taking. My levels were slightly low. Let me tell you why it’s important that I get my blood levels tested regularly for this particular medication for my schizoaffective disorder.
This Medication for Schizoaffective Disorder Prevents Hearing Voices
Simply put, the worst thing that could happen if I’m on too high a dosage of this schizoaffective disorder medication is kidney failure. Other side effects include hand tremors and weight gain, and I’ve experienced both.
However, if I’m on too low a dosage of this schizoaffective disorder medication, I have psychotic episodes and hear voices once again. These episodes aren’t dangerous, and they don’t make me violent. But they are very painful and distressing. If I am out of our apartment when they come on, I must go home and rest. If I am already at home when they come on, I have to stop whatever I’m doing and take steps to calm down.
I didn’t hear voices even though the schizoaffective disorder medication levels were low, but my main concern still was that my psychiatric nurse practitioner would want to increase my dosage. I had a feeling that she wouldn’t because medication levels that are too high are generally worse than too low. But I was still worried–I don’t want hand tremors and I don’t want to gain more weight than I already have because of medication for my schizoaffective disorder. Luckily, my nurse practitioner saw no reason to increase the dosage.
Why Am I On a Schizoaffective Disorder Medication with Such Bad Side Effects?
Here's a good question: why am I even on a medication with such drastic, potentially deadly side effects? It’s just that I’ve been on it for over 20 years, and it helps with my schizoaffective symptoms. Most importantly, this schizoaffective disorder medication stops the voices. So, that’s why I take it.
By far, the worst side effect I’ve personally experienced from medication for my schizoaffective disorder is weight gain. Heart disease runs in my family, so I’m trying to lose some weight without changing my medications. That’s an uphill battle. In the past, I’ve changed around my schizoaffective medications to lose weight, and I’ve lost weight, but I’ve always found that the medications that cause weight gain are better for my mental health. I’ve tried the new weight loss prescriptions, but they make me seriously nauseous.
I’ve got a lot going on right now. I’m trying to lose weight, and I’m going back on birth control pills, which are messing with my hormones. But since I’m on a good medication cocktail, even though I hate weight gain, and I have the support of my family, I think I’ll be okay.
In this video, I talk more about medication for schizoaffective disorder and wanting to lose the weight it can cause.
Living with mental illness doesn't make you weak. If anything, it requires immense strength to fight a war in your mind, one that nobody can see. It's stigma that reinforces the idea that mental illness makes you weak.
Mental Illness Does Not Make You Weak, But Stigma Persists
It's 2024, yet many people still believe that mental illness is the result of weakness or a character flaw. In fact, there are a variety of wrongly held beliefs when it comes to mental health. For example, one stigma I routinely deal with is related to my age. Whenever I tell people I have depression, I get told off for being "too young to be depressed." In reality, mental illness does not discriminate -- it can affect anyone irrespective of age, gender, race, socioeconomic status, or any other factor you can think of. But I digress. It's high time we rewrite the narrative.
Mental Illness Doesn't Make You Weak, It Makes You Strong
First off, know that I am not romanticizing mental illness. Irrespective of ignorant popular culture portrayals, there is nothing beautiful about mental illness. If I had a choice, I would always choose good mental health over mental illness. That said, I believe it is crucial to challenge the misconception that those who live with a mental illness are weak.
Living with mental illness requires strength, and there is no one definition of strength. Strength looks like accepting your struggles and asking for help, even though you know you will be judged. Sometimes, strength is speaking your truth even when your voice trembles because the repercussions may be severe. Strength is standing up for yourself and asking for what is yours, like equal access to opportunities. And sometimes, strength is about doing whatever it takes to get through the day. Strength comes in these and many more forms, so how can anyone say that those who live with mental illness are weak? You can have a mental disorder and still be a strong individual.
Mental Illness Doesn't Make You Weak -- Celebrate Your Unique Strength
Life with mental illness is hard enough without dealing with stigma from people and ourselves. So, if you're living with a mental illness, know this: you are not weak. You are a warrior, fighting battles others may never see or understand. The world may not appreciate your strength, but I do. And honestly, so should you. It's high time we neurodivergent folks celebrate our unique strengths and embrace a culture of empathy, compassion, and inclusivity. Remember, mental strength and mental illness are not mutually exclusive. Those of us with mental illness have to work harder to function in a world built for the able-minded and able-bodied. If that doesn't make us strong, what does?
When I'm anxious, one of the hardest things to do is to stop overthinking. After all, this seems to be what anxiety is about, beyond, of course, the physical symptoms. Anxiety causes you to worry about what you are experiencing stress about. Therefore, you end up overthinking about the situation and about various scenarios. It's hard to stop overthinking.
Overthinking, though, doesn't make anything better. If anything, it just makes me feel worse. Any physical symptoms that I experience, like a racing heart and shakiness, end up getting worse instead of getting better when I overthink. In other words, my anxiety turns into a downward spiral where I am experiencing both physical and psychological symptoms.
Strategies I Use to Stop Overthinking
At some point, I realized that this was no way to live. Since I often dealt with anxiety, this also meant that I spent much of my time overthinking about things, which would make it difficult to concentrate, sleep, and relax, especially during times when I needed to. Also, I would find that my thoughts would become chaotic and uncontrollable, and then my feelings would follow, and sometimes I would end up feeling depressed because of those troublesome, racing thoughts.
So, I started taking steps to stop overthinking. Using what I learned about anxiety, I started to put a lot of effort into using strategies to calm those thoughts and to calm myself overall. These strategies have included:
Deep breathing -- Focusing on my breathing helps me to slow my heart rate, so it helps to calm the physical symptoms of anxiety. Also, it requires me to focus on my breath, which helps to draw my attention away from what I am overthinking about, and it becomes calming. Additionally, deep breathing is something I can do in any setting. So, if I find myself overthinking in a situation that isn't ideal, I know I can still focus on my breathing because it is always there.
Mindfulness meditation -- I have found that practicing mindfulness meditation in an area that is free of distractions in my environment helps to calm me. Mindfulness meditation involves focusing on what I am sensing in the present moment and doing so without judgment. This also helps me relax my mind, and guided imagery can help achieve relaxation as well.
Distraction -- Sometimes, distraction can be extremely helpful in reducing those racing thoughts and anxious feelings. While distraction is not always the best strategy for coping with every situation, if there is nothing you can do to change a situation in the moment and you feel anxious, distraction can sometimes be the best way to deal with it.
These are the main strategies I use to help stop myself from overthinking. While I wouldn't say that I am always completely successful or that it isn't something I still struggle with, I have experienced significant improvements in this area over the years.
What strategies to stop overthinking do you use? Share them in the comments below.
Masking depression is something many people do. I tell people when I discuss living with major depressive disorder that I am the queen of masks. And it's true; I can smile when I need to. I became such a perfectionist at masking my depression that I could even fool my closest friends. Yet, when I am alone or turn around, my smile disappears from my face quicker than a scared jackrabbit.
Masking depression is one of my favorite coping skills. Even though it is not genuinely coping, it is like putting a loose band-aid on a wound that won't clot. I know it isn't healthy to mask my emotions constantly, but even today, I will still take out my mask and put it on at work or an important social function.
How Often Do I Mask My Depression?
In my video post, I discuss a meme sent to me. It certainly made me chuckle, but it also got me to reflect on how often I wear a mask. Those around me think I am laid-back and don't get upset. Truth be told, I can't let myself get upset because that is when the dam breaks. Therefore, I can't show the sadness, frustration, and anger I feel inside.
Do you all mask your depression or wear a mask to hide your depression from others?
I've recently undergone a routine change with my bipolar disorder. This has been harder to adapt to than you might think. I find doing the same thing every day has a protective effect on bipolar disorder, so removing that rhythm can do the opposite. A change in my bipolar routine has officially thrown me off my game.
My Bipolar Routine Change
About a month ago, there was a fire in my building. I'm fine; my kitties are fine; my apartment is fine. Unfortunately, the building is not fine. I've been displaced ever since. I have insurance, and it has been paying for accommodations (less a deductible), and while staying in Airbnbs has been a lifesaver, it has disrupted my bipolar routine dramatically.
Why Does It Matter If a Bipolar Routine Changes?
It varies from person to person, but a bipolar routine is what helps me get things done. It's what helps me get my writing done. It's what ensures I'm taking my medications as prescribed. It's what makes sure I get the proper sleep. While I can, in theory, do any of those things without a routine in place, I'm more likely to veer off course and forget to do what I need to do when I need to do it without a routine. (More on bipolar routines here.)
How to Deal with a Change in Your Bipolar Routine
In my new accommodations, I'm trying to deal with the change in my bipolar routine by doing the following:
I've implemented as much of my routine as possible in my new environment. Sleep is the most critical component, meaning sleep hygiene is a priority. Nothing is quite the same, but I'm doing my best. (I brought my own pillow, which I've found comforting and helpful.)
I've set things up in my new space in a way that facilitates what I need to do.
I've left physical reminders of what to do in my environment. For example, my medications are kept in divided containers beside the fridge, so I remember to take them on schedule.
I've written notes for myself and created reminders on my phone.
I've continued to get my meal prep deliveries in my new accommodation.
I'm trying to maintain the same routine with my cats (feeding times, medication administration, etc.). Keeping them on schedule helps keep me on schedule, too.
I've not enjoyed having my bipolar routine changed. That said, I'm trying to mitigate it the best ways I know how.
How do you keep yourself on track when your bipolar routine changes?
I used to think I was bad at meditation. I had poured myself into books, podcasts, and media that revolved around self-improvement and noticed a common theme: meditation. The problem was that I had already convinced myself that I was bad at meditation. After years of trying, I felt discouraged that I couldn't grasp this seemingly magic tool praised by many. I had almost given up, but instead, I turned to the question, "Is it possible to be bad at meditating?"
Being 'Bad' at Meditation
I would get all geared up, sit down, and close my eyes, and after a few minutes, I would already be in a high-speed game of mental ping-pong; thoughts were flying everywhere. Half the time, I would feel more discouraged at the end of the session because I was telling myself, "You're not disciplined enough," or "How are you not able to just sit in silence for 10 minutes?"
For years, I've created goals around ramping up my meditative practices, and I've continuously let myself down. I started avoiding meditating out of frustration and also because I kept telling myself it was "boring."
I'm Not Bad at Meditation, It's New and Uncomfortable
Sitting in silence isn't exactly a party, but meditation isn't boring -- at least, it doesn't have to be. It's easy to assign the label "boring" to meditation because it's new and, honestly, it's uncomfortable. I often avoid sitting in silence in most parts of my life, including while driving, working, and cleaning. So, having forced silence time is a new concept.
But uncomfortable isn't the same as boring, and there are ways to mix it up. I share more here:
You Can't Be Bad at Meditating
After reading more about meditating, I've learned a lot. The most impactful piece of knowledge is that there is no being "bad" at meditation. It is called a practice because it takes practice. Doing meditation repeatedly will eventually shake that "I'm not good enough" feeling.
It's hard to empty the mind. With so much going on in everyone's lives, it feels impossible, and it is impossible. That's why the whole point of meditation is not to reach this perfect blank space for an hour; it's about taking a moment for yourself. It's about noticing a thought, acknowledging it, and then letting it go without attaching emotion to it.
I see each practice session and each thought as an indicator. Was this session harder than yesterday? Maybe the day has been stressful, and I need to take some tasks off my plate. Do thoughts about an upcoming trip keep popping up? Well, maybe I should address those concerns later today and put my mind at peace. Even a harder session is successful because I learn more about my current mental state of being. It helps me check in and make sure my mental health progress is kept on track.
Releasing the pressure to be "good" at meditating is the first step to a great practice. There is no perfect way to meditate. Everyone is different and will have easier and harder days. The ultimate goal is to learn patience and mindfulness, not to learn how to be empty for hours. The only way to be "bad" at meditation is not to meditate at all.
As I sit down to reflect on the therapeutic power of spring cleaning and self-esteem, I am drawn into a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. Growing up, I never realized the profound impact that tidying my space could have on my mental wellbeing and self-esteem. However, as I have navigated through life's challenges, I have gradually uncovered the transformative effects of decluttering and organizing my surroundings. In short, your self-esteem can be affected by spring cleaning.
For many individuals like myself, living with a mental health condition can sometimes feel like navigating a storm of chaos and uncertainty. These internal fluctuations cast shadows of doubt and insecurity over daily life. Amidst this tumultuous internal landscape, my external environment often mirrored the chaos within. Cluttered spaces became a physical manifestation of my overwhelmed mind, exacerbating negative thoughts and emotional states.
How Spring Cleaning Lifts Your Self-Esteem
It was not until I incorporated spring cleaning into my life that I began to fully appreciate the potential for growth and healing that comes with the simple act of tidying up. Inspired by the changing seasons and the promise of renewal, I decided to embark on a journey to reclaim control over my surroundings and, in turn, my mental wellbeing and self-esteem through spring cleaning.
As I delved into the process of decluttering, I was met with a myriad of emotions ranging from frustration to liberation. Sorting through years of accumulated possessions felt like sifting through the layers of my own psyche, confronting buried memories and unresolved emotions along the way. Yet, with each discarded item and organized space, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, as if I were shedding the burdens of the past and making room for new beginnings.
Spring Cleaning and Help Your Self-Esteem by Creating an Organized Mind
One of the most striking revelations I encountered during my spring cleaning journey was the profound impact that an organized environment had on my sense of self-esteem. As I transformed cluttered spaces into serene sanctuaries, I found myself standing a little taller, with a newfound sense of pride and accomplishment. The simple act of creating order out of chaos became a tangible reminder of my ability to overcome and effect positive change in my life.
Moreover, as I surrounded myself with clean, clutter-free spaces, I noticed a remarkable improvement in my ability to think clearly and focus on the tasks at hand. This newfound clarity of mind enabled me to approach challenges with greater resilience and confidence, empowering me to tackle even the most daunting of obstacles with renewed vigor. Spring cleaning had improved my self-esteem.
In essence, spring cleaning has become far more than just a seasonal chore for me; it has evolved into a powerful tool for self-care and personal growth. Through the process of decluttering and organizing my surroundings, I have learned to cultivate a sense of inner peace and resilience that transcends the chaos of everyday life. Each dusted shelf and neatly arranged drawer serves as a testament to my strength and determination to thrive despite the challenges I face.
As I look back on my journey, I am filled with gratitude for the transformative power of spring cleaning on my self-esteem. In embracing the art of tidying up, I have discovered a path to healing and empowerment that continues to guide me toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.
Early this week at my meeting, we shared some of the toughest hurdles we've faced on our journey to gambling addiction recovery, and I couldn't help but notice that budgeting and debt managing emerged as a key theme. It's difficult to dig yourself out of debt and regain financial stability, especially if you don't know much about finance management. There are also limited resources on the topic aimed at recovering gamblers. This inspired me to delve deeper into the topic, as rebuilding finances was also one of my biggest challenges on my journey to recovery.
Debt Management and Budgeting in Gambling Addiction Recovery
Here are some tips that deal with budgeting and debt management in addiction that helped me along the way:
Create a budget — Having a budget in gambling addiction recovery helped guide my spending decisions and keep me accountable. It provided a clear picture of my financial situation, allowing me to better understand how much money I have coming in, how much is going out, and what I need to do to grow my finances.
Prioritize debt repayment — If you have debt from your gambling days, prioritize paying it. Many finance experts advise paying off high-interest-rate debts first — the debt avalanche approach. This approach reduces the total interest you pay in the long term and the amount of time it will take you to get out of debt.
Track your expenses — The aim is to start and grow your savings and minimize your debts. To achieve this, keeping track of your expenses and identifying areas you can cut back is essential. Various apps help with tracking expenses. You can also use a spreadsheet.
Build an emergency fund — Having a safety net meant I could breathe a little easier. I knew that in an emergency, I could cover unexpected expenses without relying on loans. I suggest you aim to save at least three to six months of living expenses.
Increase your income — Look for opportunities to increase your income, such as freelancing.
Seek professional help — Finance can be challenging, and some approaches may need to be reviewed. Financial advisors and credit consultants can provide valuable guidance and support tailored to your situation to facilitate debt management in addiction recovery. They can help you develop a solid financial plan, negotiate with creditors, and offer strategies for long-term financial stability.
Budgeting and debt management in gambling addiction recovery can be challenging, but it is possible. With determination and discipline, you can regain control of your finances and pave the way for a brighter future.
Use Budgeting and Debt Management in Gambling Addiction Recovery to Rebuild Your Finances
