"I'll sleep when I'm dead" is a line my former self fully embraced before learning more about sleeping for mental health. If others didn't need sleep, I thought I didn't either. That thought process took a nasty toll on my mental health. Sleeping is essential for mental health and shouldn't be put on the back burner.

How Sleeping for Mental Health Faded for Me

I had gotten used to seeing media normalizing, even glamorizing, not sleeping for mental health. How often does a hot-shot TV character, maybe a doctor, lawyer, or detective, mention that they had "spent all night working" with a coffee in their hand? In my head, successful people didn't waste time sleeping.

Beyond this incorrect sentiment about success, I just frankly didn't like sleep in general. The idea of losing eight to nine hours of a day is quite frankly terrifying. In a world where I'm torn between "I need to be productive" and "I want to disengage," sleep didn't fit into the picture.

After calculating the time between work, the commute, making meals, and running errands, I wanted some time for myself (at least that's what I told myself). The late nights scrolling or watching TV was "me time." And it was, technically, but it wasn't time well spent. Those hours didn't make me feel more rested or myself; they were a way to avoid the inevitable.

The truth is that I was scared of my thoughts, and I resented having to wake up and face another full day (a day that would have been much more enjoyable had I gotten enough sleep.)

Why Sleeping for Mental Health Is Important

Even though I didn't think (or want to think) that my sleep schedule mattered, it did. After days or weeks of skimping on sleep, my mental state noticeably worsened. I became more sensitive, irritable, and prone to depressive episodes and anxious thoughts. My memory declined, focusing was harder, and I was more likely to give in to unhealthy habits (such as excessive phone scrolling).

It's not uncommon to hear about the benefits of eight hours of sleep on the body, but the brain needs sleep, too—it craves it.

The mind needs rest, especially frantic ones caught up in worries like mine. My days felt like a mental marathon, and no wonder sleep deprivation made it worse. I didn't give my mind enough time to reset and restore itself. I had been ignoring one of the biggest basics of recovery: sleeping for mental health.

Sleeping for Mental Health Education

To start caring about sleeping for mental health, I had to accept how serious it was. I firmly believe it is not talked about enough. Sure, it's no hidden secret that sleep is good for you, but I didn't understand how bad it was for you not to sleep. 

Sleep education was the first step I had to take to start prioritizing sleep, and here's how I learned: 

Sleep is a huge part of the human experience. It's not glamorous, fun, or exciting, but it is necessary. To keep a mind stable and sharp, sleep is essential. I regret the years I didn't let my mind rest. I no longer feel I am losing hours of my day sleeping; instead, I am now able to fully enjoy the moments I am awake because I did sleep for my mental health.

New beginnings can be powerful tools for building self-esteem, especially for those of us with mental health conditions. When you are struggling with your mental health, it can feel like you are stuck in a cycle of negativity and self-doubt However, embracing new beginnings offers an opportunity to break free from that cycle and embark on a journey of self-discovery, growth, and improved self-esteem. 

The Solar Eclipse as a Potent New Beginning

One particularly potent new beginning on the horizon is the upcoming solar eclipse and new moon. These celestial events symbolize renewal and transformation, making them ideal opportunities to set intentions and initiate positive changes in your life. Harnessing the energy of the solar eclipse and new moon can serve as a catalyst for boosting self-esteem and embracing new possibilities. 

However, new beginnings are not limited to celestial phenomena. They can take many forms, each offering its own unique benefits for improving self-esteem. One powerful way to kickstart a new beginning is through self-care practices. Whether it's dedicating time each day to mindfulness meditation, treating yourself to a relaxing bath, or engaging in activities that bring you joy, prioritizing self-care can help you feel more confident and worthy of love and attention. 

Creative Expression Can Boost Self-Esteem

Another avenue for fostering new beginnings is through creative expression. Whether you're painting, writing, dancing, or making music, engaging in creative pursuits allows you to tap into your innermost thoughts and emotions, fostering a sense of self-expression and empowerment. Through creativity, you can explore new facets of your identity and develop a deeper appreciation for your unique talents and abilities. 

Additionally, seeking out new experiences and challenges can be instrumental in building self-esteem. Stepping outside of your comfort zone and trying something new can be intimidating, but it can also be incredibly rewarding. Whether it's learning a new skill, traveling to a new destination, or meeting new people, embracing new experiences expands your horizons and reminds you of your resilience and adaptability. 

Furthermore, cultivating meaningful connections with others can serve as a powerful catalyst for personal growth and self-esteem. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and loved ones who uplift and encourage you can help you feel valued and accepted as you are. Additionally, participating in support groups or therapy can provide a safe space to share your struggles and receive validation and guidance from others who understand what you're going through. 

In conclusion, new beginnings offer myriad opportunities for those of us with mental health conditions to improve self-esteem and cultivate a greater sense of self-worth. Whether it is harnessing the energy of celestial events like the solar eclipse and new moon, prioritizing self-care, exploring creative expression, seeking out new experiences, or fostering meaningful connections with others, embracing new beginnings can lead to profound personal growth and transformation. Remember, you are worthy of love, acceptance, and happiness; new beginnings can help you realize your full potential. 

In today's video, I identify various types of new beginnings that can be harnessed to improve self-esteem. 

For seven years, I was privileged to contribute to the Getting Through Tough Times blog on HealthyPlace, but now this author is saying goodbye. This mental health community has been my home. It was a safe place to share my journey through difficult times. I am very sad to be leaving. But before I do, I would like to share this post expressing what HealthyPlace has meant to me.

An Author Saying Goodbye Finds Hope Amid Dark Times

Before I started blogging for HealthyPlace, I was lost. Working overnights in an abusive work environment caused my mental health to plummet. I went to work, cried, slept, ate lunch, slept some more, cried, and repeated the routine for months. At times, the physical and emotional stress led me to have suicidal ideations.

In the fall of 2016, a college friend knew I was struggling. Knowing I wanted to do something with my college degree, he told me HealthyPlace was looking for bloggers. I was grateful to find a place where my voice would be heard. But I was also terrified of revealing my greatest vulnerabilities to the public. What if potential employers would read my posts and stigmatize me? What if people would think less of me for sharing my issues with anxiety and depression?

After writing for HealthyPlace for a few weeks, I realized that everyone will have an opinion about something. It is not my job to get people to like me. As a mental health advocate, my mission is to show people that they do not need to be ashamed of having a mental health condition.

The Getting Through Tough Times blog was not just a place for me to talk about my struggles; it was a place to share the coping skills that helped me navigate life through anxiety and depression. I enjoyed writing about the power of affirmations, meditation, support systems, and creativity. Through the writing process, I reminded myself that life gets better even during the most challenging times. Little moments of happiness make the difficulties worth it. I hope my writing also helped others struggling to find the light.

Expanding the Journey as This Author Says Goodbye

I am terrible with goodbyes. It's hard to leave something that was such a big part of my life for so long. Now that I have said what I needed to say here, I feel like it's time to take my writing elsewhere. It's time to focus more of my energy on finding new paths.

No matter where I go from here, HealthyPlace will forever hold a place in my heart. I will continue to read the blogs by other writers so that they may help me continue on my journey.

Thank you very much for reading my content. Please take care of yourselves. Practice self-love and compassion. Reach out for help when you need to. Remember that you are stronger than you realize. Also, you are never truly alone. You are loved.

Developing intimate relationships when you have posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can feel heavy, confusing, and downright terrifying at times. Growing up, I was a hypervigilant child, always trying to keep everyone safe. I didn't feel like I could trust anyone — especially not myself — and so I developed compulsions to forge a sense of control. I'd lock the door several times before bed, sometimes racing downstairs at 2 a.m. to check it was still locked. I'd turn down invites to sleepovers because I felt like I had to be with my parents in order to protect them (from what, I'm not sure). I'd ruminate for hours about the betrayals I'd faced and the roles I played in them. Posttraumatic stress disorder was making itself known in my relationships early.

As I got older, I began to notice how misunderstood and unseen I felt. I wondered how I could convince someone to see my side of the story — to get to the core of who I was and why I was acting in these ways. Perhaps that's why I started writing and sharing so openly.

When I started dating, I thought maybe this was it. Maybe someone really could see all of me — and not only see me but also love me. 

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and My Relationships

As a woman in her late 20s, I've had my fair share of romantic relationships — some beautiful and healing, others gut-wrenching and damaging. Because of my trauma, I've struggled with trust (in myself and in my partners), intimacy, and authentic communication. When I say "trust," I don't mean that I fear someone will be disloyal and cheat on me. No, my fears are much deeper than that. I worry someone will put me in danger, manipulate me, take advantage of me, or even lie to me and compromise my sexual health. This is a vulnerable thing to admit, but it's simply part of dating after being sexually assaulted.

In high school, the first man I truly opened up to ended up using my childhood sexual assault as blackmail during a fight. He told me no one could ever love me, that I was damaged, and that my story was "embarrassing." I believed him. I carried that with me for quite some time. It's no wonder I never feel good enough in relationships, even to this day. (It's something I'm working on and, thankfully, have been making progress.)

This type of trauma and abuse has led me to compromise my values and often seek love in the wrong places. Then, when I end up getting hurt or acting in ways I'm not proud of, I shame myself so deeply that I end up worse off than before. The effects of PTSD on a relationship have become a vicious cycle at times.

But it's true what they say: what happened to you is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to heal. I cannot — and will not — use my childhood assault as an excuse to allow myself to accumulate even more trauma. Relationships with PTSD are difficult but not impossible. It just takes a certain type of partner to support and love you through your healing.

Thankfully, over time, I have also attracted good people and positive experiences. But when those relationships didn't work out, it felt like my world was crumbling. It felt like all my safety — my sense of home — was ripped away from me.

Loving and Losing Relationships with PTSD

Losing someone you love from a breakup is its own kind of torture. While heartbreak is painful for anyone, regardless of their history with trauma, it's especially confusing and harrowing for someone with PTSD.

It's hard for me to connect with someone fully, so when I do, it's usually a deep emotional bond. I'm not someone who can do "casual" dynamics or give myself away physically unless I am in love and feel 100 percent safe with the person. In other words, when I fall — which really isn't often — I fall hard.

All the loneliness, self-hatred, and shame from my childhood momentarily dissolve when I look into someone else's eyes and see my own grief on their face. But what happens when that love is taken away? What happens when a person decides to leave? What happens when I'm left only with myself — alone again?

In the past, I've viewed breakups as confirmation that everyone will betray or abandon me. The little girl inside of me tells me that person never loved or cared about me — that they only wanted one thing, or perhaps they saw me fully and decided I actually wasn't what they wanted. It feeds narratives that confirm how unloveable I am, just like that high-school crush told me.

These old beliefs do not serve me, and I've been working to release them. I've noticed my progress, but I've also noticed my inner critic will raise its voice any opportunity it has. It feels impossible to break the cycle sometimes, but I know healing isn't linear, and you don't need to be fully healed to be loved.

Forming Relationships with PTSD

To anyone who is dating and forming relationships with PTSD, know that you're not alone. Your thoughts might be powerful and loud, but they don't define you or your future. They're simply not true.

Loving and losing is a part of life. While some people might experience more heartbreak than others, I like to view my adversities as opportunities. Maybe I went through all of this for a reason, and maybe that reason is to share my experiences (like I am right now) with other people who are suffering. 

Opening your heart after trauma takes courage, and mending a broken heart by yourself takes real strength and power. These human experiences are reminders that we are still alive — still trying. How beautiful is that? 

I hope you never give up. I hope you know you are worthy of love despite what you've been through and what your brain is telling you. I hope you find true love — and I hope you find it in yourself first.

Have you heard of "main character energy?" It's something that I recently remembered and found useful. I often feel powerless, as if I am a spectator of my own life. This isn't out of the blue: a recent series of events has shown me how cruel life can be for no reason. However, last night, I set aside some thinking time to try and resolve this issue. That's when I remembered main character energy, a social media term coined in 2020. It's a concept that deeply resonated with me, so I revisited it online and spoke about it with my therapist. Here's what I discovered. 

What Is 'Main Character Energy?' 

My therapist clarified that there are various negative traits associated with this term, such as narcissism and a sense of entitlement. However, in this post, I will only focus on the positives of main character energy (MCE).

According to VeryWell Mind, it is defined as follows. 

"Main character energy describes a person who lives life as if they're the main character of a novel or movie. It refers to an attitude toward life in which you invest in yourself and put yourself first. That can be a good thing if it's used in a way that prioritizes self-care, and many people mean it this way, but it can be a bad thing if taken too far."¹ 

I would say MCE is about treating yourself as the most important person in your life, knowing your worth, and owning your choices. 

How Can You Embrace Main Character Energy?

It's one thing to say I'm going to embrace MCE and another thing to do it. When you live with a mental illness like anxiety or depression, it is difficult to see yourself as the protagonist of your life. These conditions tend to flare up at the worst possible time and prevent one from getting things done. But I believe MCE is not about hiding your imperfections; it is about owning them and doing the best you can anyway. It is also about taking care of yourself and personalizing social definitions of success and normalcy.

Remember, when you focus on the things you can control, it gets a little easier to let go of the things you have no control over. When you accept who you are, work on what you can, and give yourself grace when things aren't going your way, give yourself a pat on the back because you, my friend, have become the main character of your life. 

Source

1. Vinney, C., PhD. (2024, February 1). Main character energy: being the hero of your own story. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/main-character-energy-8550923

Recovering from gambling addiction throws a lot your way, including coping with triggers. You're constantly dodging old habits and navigating a world that sometimes seems designed to trigger cravings. From the countless betting advertisements on your screen to casinos on almost every block, there are so many triggers, and it is so easy to feel overwhelmed. For a long time, these triggers proved too strong for me to overcome. I found myself repeatedly drawn back to gambling, each time promising myself that it was the last. In this article, I'll be sharing some of the strategies that have helped me manage my triggers in gambling addiction recovery.

Triggers and Recovering from Gambling Addiction

Here are some of the ways I handle triggers in gambling addiction recovery:

• Knowing my triggers — What are your triggers during gambling addiction recovery? Is it feeling stressed about money or work, the social atmosphere of a bar, or the adrenaline rush you used to get from placing a bet? Once you identify your triggers, developing a plan to address them becomes easier. 
• Practicing self-care and mindfulness — Find something you enjoy to keep your mind occupied. For me, a quick jog, a high-energy workout class, or even just some brisk walking can completely shift my mood. Mindfulness practices like meditation and deep breathing techniques are also a great way to clear your head and detach from the emotional pull of a gambling addiction trigger.
• Taking away the bait — Sometimes, the most effective way to manage a trigger in gambling addiction recovery is to avoid it. If walking past a casino is a major challenge, try taking a different route. Unsubscribe from all gambling-related emails and texts and anything else that can be a trigger. You can also use website blocker tools to restrict access to risky sites.
• Remembering why you started — When cravings get intense, it's easy to forget the progress you have made. In those moments, I remind myself why I started this journey in the first place. I visualize the life I'm building for myself, free from the destructive cycle of gambling addiction.
• Joining support groups or finding people you can share your journey with — It is easy to feel like you can't make it, especially when you don't have someone to walk the journey with you. Sharing your struggles with a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or sponsor can help you develop strategies to resist the urge to gamble.

Handling triggers in gambling addiction recovery is not a sprint. It takes time, and there will be setbacks along the way. However, with dedication and the right tools, you can overcome these obstacles. Remember, there are many resources available, and a supportive community awaits. Keep moving forward, one step at a time. You've got this.

I live with major depressive disorder. Much like any diagnosis, disability, disorder, illness, and so on, there is a politically correct way to discuss those who have a mental health disorder. Through my research and curriculum development at my job, I learned that the people-first language for mental health uses the phrase "living with." For example, I would say that I am living with major depressive disorder, not that I suffer from major depressive disorder. This is a more appropriate way to describe ourselves and others. 

Acceptance of Living with Major Depressive Disorder

As I said previously, I am living with major depressive disorder. If you have read my other posts or my blog, you may have noticed a common theme to my coping with depression. My motto is to take life one day at a time. This is all I can ask of myself, and all others can ask of me.

Two years ago, I experienced my most intense suicidal ideation and intent crisis. As I was recovering, I realized that I needed to take smaller steps in life and not take on more than I could handle. Hence, I am living one day at a time. I wear a bracelet daily to remind me of my new outlook on life. I also came to terms with the fact that I need to accept that I am living with major depressive disorder truly, and it is a lifelong journey. Recovery is not an end state or finish line; it is a daily journey that will last for the rest of my life. Consequently, some days are better than others. 

Living with Major Depressive Disorder

So here we are. I do agree that the phrasing of a person living with a disorder is appropriate and more realistic. When I was first diagnosed with depression in my mid-30s, I figured I could take an antidepressant and be good to go. I was wrong. I went back to the doctor and asked for a supplement to my antidepressant. At no point did I think that I should have coping skills or other ways to deal with my depression along with the medication I was taking. I was ignorant of the fact that depression is not curable; it may go into remission, but it is not curable. 

It wasn't until recently that I came to terms with the fact that my depression will always be with me. How I live and cope with major depressive disorder makes each day a good or not-so-good one. Think of it this way: if I were diagnosed with chronic arthritis, I would say that I am living with arthritis in my knee. There is no cure for arthritis, but there are ways to manage and cope with the pain and stiffness. For instance, I may take an anti-inflammatory and do physical therapy exercises to keep the stiffness at bay. Then, I may begin to avoid staircases because they could trigger the pain in my knee. 

Living with major depression is similar. I take medications, but I also practice mindfulness and use my coping skills daily. Practice makes perfect, right? I have also recognized some of the external triggers that could cause me to head towards a depressive episode. Thus, I avoid them if possible, or I have developed specific coping skills to deal with those particular triggers. Additionally, because I am living with, not suffering from, depression, my coping skills are constantly evolving because as life goes on, I am also changing. 

All in all, acknowledging that I am living with major depressive disorder and will always live with major depressive disorder has helped me learn to cope and continue my journey of recovery one day at a time. 

For someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD), a complex emotion like jealousy in relationships can be particularly intense and pervasive. I'm afraid of how jealousy tends to impact my relationships and self-perception. But these days, I strive to question its origins and implications. Here's how I've handled jealousy in relationships with borderline personality disorder.

Jealousy in Borderline Relationships: Identity Formation and Fear of Abandonment

Exploring the roots of jealousy in BPD relationships sheds light on its connection to identity formation and interpersonal dynamics. When freshly diagnosed with BPD, I'd often grapple with a fragile sense of self, marked by feelings of emptiness and instability. This lack of a solid identity fueled a constant need for validation and approval from others. As a result, the idea of sharing the affection and attention of my loved ones triggered intense feelings of loss. 

The fear of abandonment led to a constant state of vigilance and insecurity. The closer the bond, the more acute the jealousy became as the fear of losing that connection intensified. Reflecting on personal experiences, jealousy in BPD relationships felt like a persistent sense of competition for love and acceptance. 

Jealousy in Borderline Relationships: The Quest for Validation

Without a firm anchor in my own identity, I relied heavily on mirroring others to define myself. This tendency to emulate external personalities can blur the lines between my own desires and those of others, leading to a sense of emptiness and confusion.

As a result, jealousy in BPD relationships led to anger that served as a means of asserting control and reaffirming my existence in the face of perceived threats to my identity. The pangs of fear and jealousy were so sharp I justified passive-aggressively fighting for what was mine. I'd counterintuitively start fights to make my partners prove their love and affection to me so I wouldn't have to feel insecure. Of course, that only pushed them further away.

Jealousy in Borderline Relationships: Managing Emotions

When considering how to manage jealousy in BPD relationships, the importance of validating my feelings stands out. It's tempting to let jealousy morph into indignation, yet if my loved ones aren't intentionally harming or betraying me, these accusations aren't justified. Accepting my uncomfortable emotions allows for meaningful dialog. While it may not always feel instinctive, prioritizing honesty in my relationships is needed for growth and understanding. Once I started digging into my insecurities, it was like stepping into a whole new world. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) techniques helped me challenge irrational beliefs, and I soon began developing coping strategies to manage intense emotions like jealousy in BPD relationships. 

The resiliency I've gained through DBT has given me the ability to face past traumas head-on. In my 30s, I pursued somatic therapies, like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), to help me uncover where my fragile sense of self came from. This psychotherapy helped me process traumatic memories, unlocking profound levels of emotional healing.

While fear and jealousy in BPD relationships still lingers today, it now feels more like a subtle prick rather than a devastating blow. 

Learning how to make the shift from rigid to flexible behavior is a crucial part of eating disorder recovery. But I will be upfront about this: I am not a naturally adaptable or flexible person. I consider myself a creature of habit, someone who finds comfort in strict routines and stable environments. I structure my life in precise, meticulous detail—from the location in my house where I work, the times I eat and exercise, to the number of steps I take on a daily basis. Therefore, shifting from rigid to flexible behavior in eating disorder recovery is no simple task.

Precision creates a sense of order, which calms the anxious undercurrent humming in my brain. However, it also causes rigidity to the point where I feel wildly off-balance if a situation throws my routine for a loop. This lack of control can easily draw me into anorexia's orbit, so I recognize the need to shift from rigid to flexible behavior in eating disorder recovery.

Why It's Beneficial to Shift from Rigid to Flexible Behavior

Let's underscore this conversation with a story to help illustrate why making the shift from rigid to flexible behavior is so important for eating disorder recovery. The incident I will share in the following video is a recent example from my own life—and for the sake of honesty, I am not proud of it. But although I spectacularly fumbled this sequence of events, I do think it shows just how harmful rigidity can be. Not to mention, it reinforces the gifts of flexibility.

I'm Learning to Shift from Rigid to Flexible Behavior in My Recovery

Rigid behavioral patterns can offer an illusion of security, but where is the freedom in that? In my own experience, rigidity cements the foundation for an eating disorder to wreak havoc, whereas flexibility creates the space to flourish outside the limits of my comfort zone. So, I will take this lesson to heart as I move forward in the healing journey. 

See Also

• Eating Disorder Behaviors Are Adaptive Functions
• Symptom Switching: When Your Eating Disorder Wears A Costume

Comments about verbal abuse can help or hurt. People can be generally helpful, even when they hear of a verbally abusive relationship. They may offer words of support or advice they think are beneficial to the situation. Often, these people mean well, but sometimes, their comments about verbal abuse are not helpful or well-received. There can be a fine line between supporting a victim of verbal abuse and minimizing their experience. 

Hurtful Comments About Verbal Abuse Disguised as Support

Unfortunately, not everyone can put themselves in your shoes when you are in a verbally abusive relationship. This lack of empathy can create tension between someone trying to be supportive of another. In some cases, an individual may offer advice or comments about verbal abuse that are unintentionally hurtful.

Some of the remarks I've heard from outsiders that didn't sit well with me were: 

• Every relationship has problems. You both need to work at it to make it work. 
• They never seemed verbally abusive when I met/worked/lived with them.
• Why don't you stand up for yourself? I wouldn't let someone talk to me like that.
• If it's as bad as you say, just leave. 
• I warned you about them. 

When I receive comments about verbal abuse like these, I feel more alone than ever. Common remarks like these show a lack of understanding of my situation. An outsider cannot fully comprehend how challenging it can be to try and work on a relationship with someone who is abusive or has no resources to change their situation.  

Comments About Verbal Abuse that Are Supportive

Instead of making assumptions about an individual's verbally abusive situation, there are other ways to support them. Some things to remember when talking to a person who discloses verbal abuse to you include: 

• No one ever deserves abuse for any reason. 
• Everyone should feel safe.
• There isn't a one-size-fits-all solution to every problem.
• It can take time and courage to face a verbally abusive situation.
• Verbal abuse is more common than you think. 

If you want to support a friend or loved one, try using these helpful comments about verbal abuse:

• Thank you for telling me. I'd love to help you in any way I can. 
• I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I'm here to talk anytime you need. 
• You aren't alone. I am here for you. 
• Verbal abuse is not okay. Did you need help finding local resources to help you through this? 
• You have a right to feel safe. Can I help you find support and resources in your area? 

Being the target of verbal abuse is never easy or deserved. This behavior can slowly escalate over time, making it difficult for the victim to identify with a harmful situation until it's too late.

Remember that verbal abuse comes in many forms, and everyone may handle these circumstances differently. It's not a question of why the verbal abuse happened but how to stop it and heal from it.