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Is It Depression? Is It Self-Pity? Here's the Difference

February 24, 2021 Mahevash Shaikh

Have you ever noticed that when you are feeling depressed, at least one person in your life tells you to "stop feeling sorry for yourself?" Depression and self-pity seem to go hand in hand, but they are not the same thing. Experiencing self-pity is significantly different from being blue. Here's how you can tell the difference.

How Depression Is Different from Self-Pity

A person with depression is more likely to engage in self-pity, and a person who often wallows in self-pity may have depression. In my experience, both depression and self-pity are undesirable mental states that negatively impact one's quality of life and self-esteem. So, how are they different from each other?

According to the National Institute of Mental Health,

"depression [major depressive disorder or clinical depression] is a common but serious mood disorder. It causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and handle daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working. To be diagnosed with depression, the symptoms must be present for at least two weeks."1

Psychotherapist Amy Morin explains why self-pity is unnecessary and pointless.

"It goes beyond healthy sadness. When you feel sorry for yourself, you'll exaggerate your misfortune and experience a sense of hopelessness and helplessness."2 

Basically, self-pity is a choice. Depression isn't. The former tends to stem from a pessimistic outlook on life and is often seen in people who are so self-absorbed that their own troubles are all they see. It makes one oblivious of the good in life because they are so busy focusing on the bad. As destructive as self-pity is, I have it on good authority (mine) that it can be controlled. 

From Self-Pity to Depression and Vice Versa

It's perfectly normal and okay to feel sorry for yourself from time to time. Life is hard and unfair, after all. But if you often find yourself down the rabbit hole of self-pity, you need to work on it. Trust me, throwing yourself one pity party after another is one of the quickest ways to get depressed, especially if you are already vulnerable to the black dog. 

To stop feeling sorry for yourself or to prevent depression from causing self-pity, you need to be mindful of what you think. Counter negative thoughts with reality checks. And most importantly, ensure you don't have a case of victim mentality.

How do you deal with self-pity to reduce or prevent depression? Please let me know in the comments section below. 

Sources

  1. National Institute of Mental Health, "Depression." Accessed February 24, 2021.
  2. Morin, A., "2 Psychological Tricks That Will Help You Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself.", Inc., Accessed February 24, 2021

APA Reference
Shaikh, M. (2021, February 24). Is It Depression? Is It Self-Pity? Here's the Difference, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2021, April 20 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/copingwithdepression/2021/2/is-it-depression-is-it-self-pity-heres-the-difference



Author: Mahevash Shaikh

Mahevash Shaikh is a millennial blogger, author, and poet who writes about mental health, culture, and society. She lives to question convention and redefine normal. You can find her at her blog and on Instagram and Facebook.

Fighting Depression
February, 24 2021 at 9:21 pm

I think being aware there's a problem is the first step. Then, as you're able (be patient with yourself), you can explore ways to fix it and find a couple that work for you.

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