I have never been thin. Nor overly large (I hate the word "fat"). I'm 49 years old, I'm in perimenopause and lately, it seems like everything I put in my mouth ends up as another half pound on the scale. It's so depressing!
Depression Symptoms
As a person who suffers from chronic depression, I know when depression is looming. And when depression looms, I've learned to go easy on myself. If I don't, a day or two of symptoms may turn into a major depressive episode.
It's the end of another year. I am happy to say that I had no major depressive episodes in 2013. Rather, I was able to manage my depression through, among other things, practicing positivity and gratitude.
But the truth is, no manner of gratitude or positivity will fix depression. When you have depression, gratitude and positivity are two concepts that are simply too far out of reach. You know that there are an abundance of things to be grateful for, and that, if you could only remember them, things would seem far more positive. But, you simply haven't the energy or the frame of mind to list, count or comprehend what they are. That's why we need to cultivate gratitude and positivity during the good times.
A dismal day, especially around the holidays, can be a sure trigger for depression. Here in southern Ontario (Canada), where I live, we are having an ice storm. It's been freezing rain and ice pellets for over 24 hours and boy... is it ever dismal. But, even though winter can be so depressing, I've decided that I'm not going to let this cold, wet, treacherous weather trigger my depression or dampen my holiday spirit.
Low self-esteem can bring on depression. Having said that, depression also lowers self-esteem. It truly is a vicious cycle, one that I am trying very hard to manage.
The catalyst to my first bout of depression was almost thirteen years ago. That's when the official depression diagnosis was, anyway. That's not to say that I wasn't depressed before that. If I was, I didn't know I was. But that date marked the beginning of my journey to getting treatment for my depression.
Birthdays don't have to be depressing, do they? I celebrated my 49th birthday this past week and while I enjoyed a plethora of happy birthday wishes, I also dealt with an unexpected drop in my mood. It may be perfectly normal to be introspective around your birthday, to examine your life and consider your future options, but when those thoughts become repetitive and persistent, that's when you have to do something to break the cycle. (Depression Fuels Itself Through Negative Thoughts)
When a depression trigger sneaks up on you, there is no time at all to prepare yourself. I suffered such a depression trigger this past week that sent me down a very dark rabbit hole, very fast.
We've just turned our clocks back marking the end of daylight savings time. While the nights will be darker sooner, the mornings will be brighter. For a short while. The truth is, with the end of DST comes the season for Seasonal Affective Disorder (winter depression).
Winter can be so depressing, can't it? I live in the great Canadian north. Well, not too far north. In fact, I live near Toronto, which is just one hour north of Buffalo. Still, in the winter, the nights get pretty darn long and the often times below zero days, are gray and snowy and downright depressing.