Blogs
Playing the piano affects my schizoaffective disorder in a very positive way. Let me tell you how my piano playing soothes my schizoaffective disorder.
I've noticed that slowing down helps my anxiety. When I am extremely busy, the pressures of having a demanding schedule and multiple deadlines begin to weigh on me and contribute to my anxiety. The busier my schedule gets, the more I feel anxious daily. Unfortunately, this becomes evident as I start having a hard time sleeping, concentrating, and focusing on day-to-day responsibilities. In these situations, I need to help my anxiety by slowing down.
Depression has affected my self-esteem lately, making me feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. These days, I often have this question at the top of my mind: Should I just stop trying and give up? Sometimes, I feel I should keep going anyway; at other times, I am convinced I need a break. Tired of this conflict, I decided to write about it. Here's what I realized about thinking nothing I do is good enough.
Managing finances when you have a mental illness can be complicated. The dreaded "your account is overdrawn" bank email and I were well acquainted while my mental health declined. I felt a heavy sense of guilt when it came to my finances. My reluctance to face my situation and the shame I felt asking for help created a snowball of dread. Mental illness can make managing finances more difficult, but it isn't a hopeless situation, and it shouldn't be a source of shame.
For me, self-esteem and Earth Day are connected. As someone who has experienced the ups and downs of a mental health condition, I understand the ongoing struggle to find ways to boost self-esteem and cultivate a sense of purpose. Amidst this journey, I stumbled upon a source of solace and empowerment that I did not anticipate when I was younger: Earth Day practices and sustainable living. Earth Day occurs on April 22 and is an annual celebration that reminds us of the importance of our only habitat. Earth Day can be used to cultivate improved self-esteem.
I should be able to fix my own depression -- or at least that's what the world keeps telling me. We have a lot of euphemisms for it: pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, walking it off, turning that frown upside down, and so on. And the Internet is full of New Age gurus (and lay people) claiming to know the secret of how to do it -- just buy my book and wave your depression goodbye. But if everyone says it's possible, why can't I fix my own depression?
The voice of my eating disorder (ED) often tries to influence what I think, feel, or believe about myself—but ED thoughts do not have to become actions, no matter how persuasive they sound. An ED thought only has power if I choose to accept its narrative and react accordingly.
Rebuilding relationships after a gambling addiction is a tall hill to climb. I know this too well because my gambling addiction left a trail of broken relationships. A few months into my recovery journey, it dawned on me how much I had lost—not only money but also valuable relationships that had taken me years to build. My actions had caused my loved ones so much hurt that they found it harder to trust me, which naturally built a wall between us. Today, I'll share what I have learned about rebuilding relationships after addiction.
Can you be manipulative without knowing it? Is such a thing even possible? My therapist says without knowing it, you can be manipulative. Read on to learn more about what she calls unintentional manipulation.
Understanding my adult separation anxiety in borderline personality disorder (BPD) involves delving into its complexities and origins. My adult separation anxiety in BPD is more than just feeling uneasy when separated from loved ones; it's a deep-seated fear of abandonment that I can trace back to childhood experiences of neglect, loss, or inconsistent caregiving. These early experiences created a heightened sensitivity to perceived threats of rejection or abandonment in my adult relationships.
Well, eventually, the depression demons took hold and he told me on August 5th 2023 that he decided he wanted to just move to MT and isolate himself from everyone. He had been offered a free place to stay if he did some maintenance. He is very handy and that type of situation was very ideal because it was flexible; he only worked on things on the days he was physically up to it.
We talked every night like "normal" up until he left on April 14th 2023. We had a long distance relationship then and so I didnt get to see him in person often and didnt see him that last week. He told me one last time that he loved me and he was sorry to hurt me and I have not heard from him since. He didnt even tell his parents or sister he was leaving.
I still love him as much as I ever have even though it has been over a year since we last spoke. I just had dinner with a close friend who was always very critical of him because often he would have to cancel plans last minute due to the Crohn's or because he would go dark for weeks at a time. She told me tonight that he is a selfish person and that if he truly loved me he would have gotten help for the depression. Oddly, she has been depressed before and suicidal which you would think would make her more understanding. I asked her if when she contiplated suicide was she selfish? She said yes. I said but are you a selfish person and she said no. I said that was the same for him. Sure him leaving me and his family was "selfish" but at his core, is he selfish? Absolutely not. She thinks because she was able to conquer her depression that if he really loved me, he would have fought his depression. It makes me sad to think she cant see the amazing guy that is buried under the depression. I know, without a doubt, if he did get a handle on the depression, that he would NOT be selfish at all. It is hard to understand why others cant see the true person under the depression.
I hope those that are struggling know that not everyone will abandon you in your time of suffering. There are people out there that see the real you and would do anything to help.
I encourage all those suffering from depression to not only tell your loved ones what you are going through, but also to seek professional help. And for those of you who love a person suffering from depression, have compassion and understanding for their struggle. Know they do not intentionally hurt you and deep down they still love you even if they cant show it.
Thanks for reading.
p.s. I also struggle with depression and anxiety but I did get help and between medication and coping techniques, I am able to be myself again.
From the story you told, it sounds like you know when your partner's alters switch.
I'm sorry this was written in the first/second person. But maybe apply this to your situation with a grain of salt.