Accepting Responsibility for Your Self-Esteem

May 26, 2015 Fay Agathangelou

Accepting responsibility for your self-esteem is crucial for overcoming low self-esteem. That means taking ownership and being accountable for your own life. If you don’t take responsibility, you’re disempowering yourself. You may be self-sabotaging your self-esteem by your words, thoughts and actions that effectively shift the responsibility elsewhere. You may not even realise it. However, you have the power to change that. Accepting responsibility for your self-esteem is the key to moving forwards with your life.

Signs that You're Not Accepting Responsibility for Your Self-Esteem

Blame, excuses and denial (sometimes called BED-time stories) are general signs that you’re not accepting responsibility for your self-esteem. These are stories that you tell yourself that prevent you from taking action, as if you were in bed. You may believe them to be true, however, they're a distorted picture. Specific signs of not accepting responsibility include, but are not limited to:

  • Blaming other people, your current circumstances or your past
  • Being overly focused on, or dwelling on the past
  • Being resistant to change
  • Making excuses. E.g. “too hard”, "too busy" or "no money”
  • Having a victim mentality; believing, thinking or talking like you're a victim
  • Denial of issues
  • Basing your self-esteem on something external to yourself, or subject to condition
  • Disempowering thoughts or words

Specific words or thoughts that may be warning signs are:

  • "If only”
  • “I can’t”
  • “Life’s not fair”
  • “I would if”
  • “I’m useless”
  • “I will when”
  • “It’s their fault”
  • “Later”

These are just a few examples and you probably have your own warning signs. You may not even be aware of them and it’s important to develop that awareness. Be honest with yourself. You may initially need someone else to help point those out to you. It can help to get an honest, unbiased opinion.

Tips on Accepting Responsibility for Your Self-Esteem

A critical step to building self-esteem is making the decision to accept responsibility. Take ownership and be accountable for your own life, and commit to it. Change the BED-time stories to OAR-some stories (where OAR-some means taking ownership, accountability and responsibility). That is your choice. Your self-esteem is your own perception of yourself and only you can change your thoughts and behaviours. Be aware of your own warning signs and understand how you’re disempowering yourself. Work on changing your destructive thoughts and behaviours. Get help if you need it. Realise that your power is in the present moment and it’s up to you to take action now.

Accepting responsibility for your self-esteem is crucial for beating low self-esteem. Learn how to accept responsibility for your self-esteem with these tips.

Even with good intention, you will probably find yourself repeating old thoughts or behaviours, blaming or making excuses. You may be resistant to change or have trouble letting go of the past. That’s to be expected as habits are hard to break. However, you need to make the effort and persevere. Know that unless you stay committed to changing your destructive habits, you will stay exactly where you are now. To move forwards, you need to let go of the blame and excuses, and commit to doing so.

It’s very important to be kind to yourself, particularly if you’re finding it hard to take responsibility. There might be mental barriers getting in your way. Deeply ingrained patterns can be challenging to change and there is a reason for resistance. If you are having trouble letting go, it’s okay to seek mental health help. Wanting to change, and believing that you can makes all the difference. Know that you are never alone.

As with everything, change does require time and effort, and it does require you to step outside of your comfort zone. It’s not always easy but well worth the effort. Accepting responsibility for your self-esteem is crucial step in your journey to a healthy self-esteem.

Accepting Responsibility for Your Self-Esteem to Overcome Low Self-Esteem

In this self-esteem video, I talk about overcoming low self-esteem by accepting responsibility.

You can find Fay Agathangelou on Facebook, Google+, Twitter, Pinterest and her website.

APA Reference
Agathangelou, F. (2015, May 26). Accepting Responsibility for Your Self-Esteem, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 19 from

Author: Fay Agathangelou

John Narayan
June, 19 2015 at 6:09 pm

Good video. We need to teach this in our schools.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Fay Agathangelou
June, 19 2015 at 6:33 pm

Hi John,
Thanks for your comment, I agree. Teaching this at a young age would make huge difference to so many lives.
Glad you like the video.

June, 1 2015 at 3:26 pm

So resonate with this <3 #WUVIP

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Fay Agathangelou
June, 1 2015 at 4:42 pm

Hi Srimanju,
Glad this resonates with you. Thanks for your comment.

Michelle R. Gould
May, 31 2015 at 10:44 pm

Great piece. Tweeting and sharing on my FB recovery page.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Fay Agathangelou
June, 1 2015 at 4:16 am

Hi Michelle,
Thank you so much, I'm grateful for your share. Glad you like the article.

May, 31 2015 at 7:46 am

LOVE this article. Going to share on both my face book pages so more can see it. Thanks so much

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Fay Agathangelou
May, 31 2015 at 6:18 pm

Hi Kay,
Thanks very much for the share, that made my day. I'm glad you like the article.

Richard B. McHenry
May, 26 2015 at 11:19 am

There's a room for everything.. God relieves us from our everyday heartaches and mental stress so box-out all your frustrations! We can learn how to make choices thru life coaching. It creates life balances for a better living.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Fay Agathangelou
May, 28 2015 at 3:12 am

Hi Richard,
Thanks for your comment. We can certainly learn to make better choices for ourselves and live a more fulfilling life. The power is within us.

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