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Breaking Bipolar

I was thinking about adrenaline rushes and bipolar disorder the other day after I got to hang off the side of the CN Tower, the tallest, freestanding structure in the Western Hemisphere. Taking the Edge Walk, as they call it, around the outside of the building, 1168 feet in the air, led to a huge adrenaline rush (Bipolar Treatment and Risk Tolerance). So what is the effect of an adrenaline rush on bipolar disorder?
Last time I talked about why it’s so hard to plan ahead and stick to plans with bipolar disorder. Today’s article is devoted to tips that may help with planning and bipolar disorder.
People with bipolar have a hard time planning ahead. I know it seems like it would be easy: “Want to go to lunch Tuesday?” “Sounds like fun. Sure!” but it isn’t (How To Be Bipolar And High Functioning). And the reason is because bipolar disorder is highly unpredictable. Yes, I might feel fine right now but I literally have no idea what tomorrow will bring (Using Bipolar As An Excuse). This is why planning ahead with bipolar is really tough.
I’ve talked about bipolar and travel before but mostly I’ve talked about how to not let bipolar ruin your vacation – but what if it does anyway? What if, in spite of your best efforts to avoid bipolar triggers, bipolar ruins your vacation?
I’ve written a lot about bipolar triggers over the years and usually I write about bipolar triggers you can control (Pushing Aside Daily Mental Health Triggers is Tough). But, as we all know, there are some bipolar triggers you can’t control. I’m dealing with one right now: the death of my father. His death was very inconvenient to me in that I certainly had no time for it. I have no time for a memorial, I have no time to write a eulogy and I certainly have no time (or brain space) to grieve (Coping With Loss: Bereavement and Grief). But, of course, no one asks for permission to die and no one does it on a schedule. His death happened and I have to deal with it and it’s definitely a bipolar trigger I can’t control.
It’s critical to know how not to take your bipolar hypomania irritability out on others, if that is one of your symptoms of hypomania (What's The Difference Between Bipolar Mania and Hypomania?). I wish I was one of those people for whom hypomania is a party, but I’m not. For me, I’m highly irritable, annoyed, anxious and agitated. But I know that this is part of my bipolar disorder so I try not to take my bipolar hypomania irritability out on others.
I have found that I have to ask for help because of bipolar. It’s not really an option not to. It’s really a requirement. And right now, it’s even more so. My father died about a week-and-a-half ago and that makes me less high-functioning than usual. And I have to ask for help, no matter how much I really don’t want to. I have to ask for help because of bipolar.
I’m sitting here feeling like dreck, and for the millionth time this lifetime I ask myself, “When will I feel better from bipolar depression?” This is such a common question from me and so many others. We all want to know when this magical time will occur. When will the pain stop? When will I stop feeling like such crap? When can I get back to my life? When will I feel better from bipolar depression?
I realized the other night that I am scared of hypomania. Some of you may remember that a little while ago I suffered a particularly notable hypomania and it was then followed up by a huge, debilitating depression. And last night I realized that while hypomania for me, is not necessarily, always unpleasant, I’m actually scared of hypomania.
I admit it; I’m a bit of a people pleaser because of bipolar disorder. How is this possible? Well, I suppose I have a bit of a fear of abandonment – as most people with bipolar disorder do. This isn’t an irrational, “please don’t leave me” kind of a thing, it’s the experience of having had people leave my life because of bipolar and not wanting that to happen again. So I try people pleasing because of bipolar.