Yes it is very, very sad that it is so hard to connect with another person in a love relationship.   And one of the difficult things about it is that the only way to really learn how to do a relationship is in one.   We can have all the wonderful knowledge, counseling/therapy, healing work, etc. but until we really try it out in a relationship we don't get in touch with the gut level wounds/buttons that are so painful.   It takes a lot of courage to take the risk of embarking on a relationship - to say nothing of the time and energy it takes to get started getting to know someone.   Probably the hardest and most important part of   it is being able to communicate.   There are so many blocks to communication such as 1. words having different meanings, 2. certain words being emotional triggers - to say nothing of gestures, tone of voice, body language, etc., 3. hearing things through our emotional filter instead of hearing what the person is actually saying, 4. all of the people involved (both peoples parents - alive or dead - every other person they have ever been in relationship with, fantasy mates, etc.) and others.

Some of the things that I keep telling others (because I teach best what I need most to learn) is that:

1. We need to know and tell ourselves that it is truly better to love and lose than never love at all.
2. That there are no mistakes only lessons.
3. That everything is unfolding perfectly and there is a Loving Higher Power who is guiding the process.
4. That the right people come into my life at the right time (this does not necessarily mean a wonderful relationship - sometimes it means the right person to teach us how to set boundaries or defend ourselves or know when to walk away.)
5. That it is important to change our definition of a successful relationship - a successful relationship is not necessarily one that lasts for the rest of our lives, it is one that we learn and grow from.

It is a great risk to open up to and care about another person - and we will feel hurt at times because hurt is part of life - but it is a risk that is worth taking because if we never take the risk we can never be Truly alive.

"The chance of a relationship not only being an opportunity for growth but also supportive and nurturing increases greatly if the person we choose to get involved with is also on a Spiritual/healing path - because it makes it so much easier to communicate.   Doing the inner child healing work and learning how to have internal boundaries increases the potential of the relationship by a extraordinary percentage because the terrified part of us is our inner children who were so wounded by the ones they loved in early childhood - and the same is true of the other person.   If both people are working on their issues then there will be a much richer and more rewarding experience - but it will take a lot of work.   There is not going to be some fairy tale ending and that is sad and angering - but at least we have tools and knowledge now that can help us have a better shot at a Loving relationship."

"The Abundance of Love and Joy that you can help each other to feel by coming together - are vibrational levels that you then each will be able to access within yourself.   You are helping each other to remember how to access that Love - helping each other to remember what it feels like and that Yes you do deserve it.

It is very important to remember that so that you can Let Go.   Let Go of believing that the other person has to be in your life . . . ."

"The more you do your healing and follow your Spiritual path the more moments of each day you will have the choice to Truly be present in the moment.

And in the moment you can make a choice to embrace and feel the Joy fully and completely and with Gusto.

In any specific moment you will have the power to make a choice to feel the Love in that moment as if you have never been hurt and as if the Love will never go away.

Completely absolutely unconditionally with fearless abandon you can embrace the Love and Joy in the moment.

Glory in it!"

Wedding Prayer/Meditation on Romantic Commitment by Robert Burney

Codependence Recovery is not self-help.   We are being guided.   The Force is with us!   The Spirit is guiding us down our path. Romantic Relationships are one of the most important arenas of Spiritual growth available to us - it is important to our souls to be willing to take the risk of Loving and losing.

And what is vital to being willing to take the risk is take the shame and judgment of the process.   We were powerless over the choices we made in the past.

"As long as we are judging and shaming ourselves we are giving power to the disease.   We are feeding the monster that is devouring us.

We need to take responsibility without taking the blame.   We need to own and honor the feelings without being a victim of them.

We need to rescue and nurture and Love our inner children - and STOP them from controlling our lives.   STOP them from driving the bus!   Children are not supposed to drive, they are not supposed to be in control.

And they are not supposed to be abused and abandoned.   We have been doing it backwards.   We abandoned and abused our inner children.   Locked them in a dark place within us.   And at the same time let the children drive the bus - let the children's wounds dictate our lives.

We were powerless out of ego-self to do anything any different than we did it.   We are powerless out of ego-self to heal this disease.   Through Spiritual Self, through our Spiritual Connection, we have access to all the power in the Universe.

We need to have the willingness: willingness to get to a new level of self-honesty; willingness to start listening to the Loving inner voice instead of the shaming ones; willingness to face the terror of healing the emotional wounds"

next: The Great Quest

Interview with Judy Harper

I wept when I first read about Jason, and the pain intensified after making contact with his extraordinary mother, Judy Fuller Harper. I would like to share with you now an excerpt from our correspondence.

Tammie: Can you tell me about Jason. What was he like?

Judy: Jason was almost 10 pounds at birth, a big happy baby. When he was three months old, we discovered he had serious asthma. His health was frail for years, but Jason was a typical little boy, bright, kind and very inquisitive. He had big, blue, piercing eyes, he always drew people to him. He could look at you as if he understood everything and accepted everyone. He had a wonderful contagious laugh. He loved people and had a warm accepting way about him. Jason was a joyful child even when he was sick, he often continued to play and laugh. He learned to read at age three and was fascinated by science fiction. He loved robots and those transformer toys, and he had hundreds of them. He was almost 5' 9" when he died, and he was going to be a big man. He had just surpassed his older brother who is only 5' 7" at 18, and he got a real kick out of that. He always hugged me hard as though he might not get to again; that part still rips my heart out when I realize that he had hugged me so hard the last time I saw him.

Tammie: Can you share with me what happened the day Jason died?

Judy: February 12, 1987, a Thursday. Jason died around 7:00 p.m. that day. Jason was at his father's house (we were divorced). His Dad and his stepmother had gone to have her hair done. Jason was left alone at home until they returned around 7:30 p.m. My ex-husband found him. All of the details of the actual incident are what I've been told or what the coroner's investigation indicated happened.

Jason was found sitting in a recliner just inside the door of the house, in the living room. He had a gunshot wound to his right temple. The weapon was found in his lap, butt up. No fingerprints were distinguishable on the weapon. Jason did have powder burns on one of his hands. The police found that several of the weapons in the house had been fired recently and/or handled by Jason.

At the coroner's inquest, Jason's death was ruled an "accident", self-inflicted. The conjecture was that he was playing with the gun and the cat jumped in his lap and it must have caused the weapon to be discharged. The weapon in question was a 38-special, with chrome plating and scrolling. All the guns in the house (there were many types, handguns, rifles, a shotgun, etc.) were loaded. I have asked my ex-husband and his wife several times if I could have the gun to destroy it, but they could not do that. My ex-husband gave no explanation, he just said, "they could not do that."

How I found out--I got a call from my son Eddie around 10:30 p.m. that night. My ex-husband had called him at work around 8:00 p.m. telling him that his brother was dead, and Eddie went immediately to his Dad's home. It took hours for the police and the GBI to investigate.

When Eddie called, he sounded funny and asked to speak to my boyfriend first, which seemed odd. He apparently told him that Jason had died. Then I was handed the phone. All he said was, "Mom, Jason is dead." That's all I remember. I think I screamed out-of-control for some time. They told me later that I went into shock. I must have because the next several days are a blank or a blur, almost dreamlike. I remember the funeral, February 15th, but not much more. I even had to ask where he was buried, because I was so out of it. My doctor put me on a sedative, which I remained on for almost a year.

It took six weeks for the coroner to tell me my son did not commit suicide. I never imagined that he had, but the circumstances of his death were so confusing: the gun upside down in his lap, the lights were off in the house, the television was on, and they found no evidence that he was upset or depressed about anything, no note. So my son died because a gun owner didn't realize that a 13-year-old boy (left alone) would play with guns even though he was told not to.

Tammie: What happened to your world when Jason physically was no longer a part of it?

Judy: My world shattered into ten million pieces. When I reached the point where I realized Jason was dead, it was like someone blasted me into fragments. It still does sometimes. You never get over a child's death, especially a senseless and preventable death, you learn to cope.

In some ways, I was a zombie for two years, functioning, going to work, eating, but no one was home. Every time I would see a child that reminded me of Jason, I would fall apart. Why my child, why not some one else's? I felt anger, frustration, and chaos had taken over my life. I called my other child twice-a-day for over a year. I had to know where he was, when he would be back. If I could not reach him, I would panic.

I got some psychiatric help and joined a group called Compassionate Friends, it helped to be with people who really understood what it was like. To see that they went on with their lives, even though I could not see how, at the time, that I would ever be able to do this. I still go out behind my house here in Athens and scream sometimes, just to relieve the ache in my heart, especially on his birthday. Holidays and special events have never been the same. You see Jason never got his first kiss, he never had a date or a girlfriend. It's all the little things that he never got to do that haunt me.

Tammie: Will you share your message with me, as well as the process that led up to your delivering your message?

Judy: My Message: Gun ownership is a responsibility! If you own a gun, secure it. Use a trigger lock, a pad lock, or a gun box. Never leave a weapon accessible to children, the next person to die because of your unsecured gun could be your own child!

My message came out of frustration. First I joined Handgun Control, Inc. as Sarah Brady offered me a way to help. Then, there was the shooting at Perimeter Park in Atlanta. I was called on to speak before the legislature along with the survivors. In October of 1991, I began my crusade to educate the public. I did a Public Service Announcement via Handgun Control for North Carolina. This is when I began to accept Jason's death, but only after I found something that made me feel I could "do" something about it.

One question that rings in my mind that I have been asked over-and-over, what would I do to prevent such a thing? "Anything. I'd give my life it that would help get gun owners to acknowledge the problem, not to mention accept their responsibility," is my response. I made speeches, written newsletters, and joined Georgian's Against Gun Violence. I still make speeches to civic groups, schools, etc. and I still put my two cents in when I hear the NRA raging about their rights, and shout that, "Guns don't kill people...People kill people!" If that is a truth, then gun owners are responsible even in the eyes of the NRA!

In 1995, I found Tom Golden on the Internet and he published a page honoring my darling Jason. This has helped me to cope and offers me contact with world to warn/educate people about guns and the responsibility.

Tammie: How has Jason's death impacted how you think about and experience your life?

Judy: I've become much more vocal. Less of a victim and more of an advocate of victims. You see, Jason has no voice, I have to be that for him. I NEED to tell people his story to give me a sense that his life has had some impact on this world.

It seemed so strange for the world to continue just as it had before he died, as it still does. I almost want to say, "his life was more important than his death, but that is not the case." Jason's 13 years, 7 months 15 days of life did little to impact the world outside of his family. His death impacted his brother, his father, his aunts, uncles, friends at school, their parents, and me.

Since his death, as part of my therapy, I began to sculpt. I dedicate all my finished work to his memory and attach a little card explaining and asking people to be aware and take responsibility for their gun ownership. I sign my art work with "JGF" Jason's initials, and mine before I remarried in 1992. I create dragons and such things. Jason adored dragons. It's not much, but as I see it, the art will exist on long after I'm gone and a part of him will remain to remind people. Each life I touch gives meaning to his life, at least to me it does.

They say "what does not destroy you makes you stronger." This was a horrible way to learn that truth.

Editor Note: I was so profoundly touched by Jason's death, Judy's pain, and the enormous strength of this amazing woman, that I was in a daze after our contact. I couldn't think, I could only feel. I felt the agony of what it must be like for a mother to lose her child to such a senseless death, and eventually I felt the awe of coming into contact with a spirit that could be shattered, but not destroyed.

A Bio on Judy Tanner (Fuller) Harper

"I was born December 26, 1945 in Atlanta, Georgia. I was born into a six-generation Atlanta family with four siblings, two brothers, and two sisters; I was the middle child. Attended Oglethorpe University and accomplished a BS in Art. Married in 1964 to Mr. Fuller and had two sons, Eddie born in 1968 and Jason born in 1973. In 1981, I divorced Mr. Fuller.

In 1986, my son Eddie won a scholarship to Georgia Institute of Technology. In 198,7 my son Jason died. I joined Handgun Control, Inc. in 1987, as well as Georgian's Against Gun Violence, and other public service groups. In 1991 I made a Public Service Announcement for North Carolina telling my story about Jason and giving a message to families about the dangers of handguns. In 1992, I continued my crusade against gun violence and cosponsored a bill in the Georgia Legislature, which was ultimately defeated. I remarried in 1992 and moved to Athens, Georgia. In 1993, I appeared on "Sonja Live," a CNN program and debated with the NRA. I remain an active advocate for the education of gun owners and still present my story, concerns and advice at local civic groups.

As an artist, and for therapy, I began to create sculptures in 1988 and dedicate all my work to the memory of my son Jason whose light shown so brightly and briefly. It is my way of having his memory live on.

Judy Harper, Administrative Secretary
Hazardous Materials Treatment Facility
Public Safety Division
Will Hunter Road
Athens, GA 30602-5681
(706) 369-5706

You can e-mail Judy at: jharper@www.ps.uga.edu

next:Interviews: Tom Daly: On the Shadow

ADHD medications are effective, but study reveals long-term use of medications to treat ADHD can stunt growth.

ADHD medications effective, but may also stunt growth

Treating attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) with medication and behavioral therapy can provide lasting results, but the risks and benefits of those treatments may vary substantially over time, according to new research.

In a follow-up to a large study comparing ADHD treatments, researchers found that the initial edge that medications had over other forms of treatment, such as behavioral therapy, leveled off over time while the benefits of behavioral therapy remained relatively constant.

"Medication is still better in terms of ADHD symptom reduction than being assigned to behavioral treatment, but the large difference that we reported before has now shrunk by 50%," says researcher James Swanson, PhD, of the University of California Irvine.

In addition, the study showed that long-term use of medications commonly used to treat ADHD, such as stimulants, appeared to mildly stunt growth. Children on medication therapy may grow almost a half-inch per year slower than those children not on medication. Researchers aren't sure if the mild growth suppression is permanent. The authors say that children treated with medication may catch up over a period of time.

But researchers say those numbers don't tell the whole story. In fact, they published a second report in the April issue of the journal Pediatrics in order to explain their findings published in the same journal.

Explaining the Truth Behind the Numbers

In the study, researchers followed 540 of the original 579 children who participated in the National Institute of Mental Health Multimodal Treatment study of ADHD for 2 years.

In the first phase of the study, the children were assigned to one of four different treatment groups (medication alone, medication plus behavior modification therapy, behavior modification therapy alone, or a community comparison group) for 14 months. At the end of the first phase, the participants were free to change their treatment and were followed for an additional 10 months.

All four groups improved during the first phase, but the medication and combination therapy groups experienced a significantly greater reduction in ADHD symptoms.

Ten months after completing the initial phase, the study showed that the medication's group significant benefit in symptoms reduction declined over time while the benefits of other treatments remained consistent.

"At 24 months after the start of treatment, the effects of various treatments seem to be coming together," says Swanson.

But researchers say changes in medication use such as starting and stopping medication may explain the changes seen over time with the treatments.

"We don't think that treatments become ineffective over time," says Swanson. "What we see is that a lot of people stop treatment, and then the efficacy is not permanent and it tends to go away when the treatment stops."

Swanson says many of the children who were initially assigned to treatment with ADHD drugs stopped taking them after the first phase of the study, and many of those in the behavioral group started taking them during the follow-up period.

Further analysis showed that children who stopped taking their ADHD medications tended to have a greater reduction in benefits, children who went on medication showed improvement, and children who stayed with the same treatment stayed about the same, whether they were on medication or not.

ADHD Medications May Stunt Growth

The study also showed that children who took ADHD medications grew at an average of 5 centimeters per year compared with the 6 centimeters per year seen in unmedicated children.

Researchers say those findings are in line with previous studies that have shown similar short-term effects on growth. But this is the first major long-term study to show the effect for two years of using the drugs.

"We want to be cautious because we don't know if in the long run children might catch up or not," says Swanson. For example, he says that children using ADHD medications might only experience a delay in growth that only very long-term studies might be able to pick up.

Interestingly, researchers also found that unmedicated children with ADHD actually tended to grow taller than children without the condition, which suggests that any potential negative effect of ADHD medications on growth may be less obvious in these children.

"Whether that's going to outweigh the clear benefits that I think this study and many others have shown for using medication in the treatment of ADHD over the long-term is one of those things that we will have to continue to look at," says researcher Glen R. Elliott, MD, PhD, director of the Children's Center at Langley Porter, University of California, San Francisco.

Any ADHD Info Is Good Info

Experts say that although this study doesn't necessarily compare the effectiveness of one ADHD treatment versus another, the fact that it provides long-term data on the effects of treating children with ADHD is significant in itself.

"It is amazing that regardless of how common this condition is, and how often times young people are prescribed medicine for this, there really is such a paucity of long-term effectiveness or safety data," says Robert Findling, MD, director of child and adolescent psychology, University Hospitals of Cleveland.

Findling says this study may also help parents of children with ADHD weigh treatment options.

"Over time, if your child is doing well on [ADHD] medicines, the odds that they should continue on those medicines," says Findling. "It appears that kids who stay on medications do best over time, and with that comes risk of what appears to be risk of a potential for a slight reduction in growth velocity.

"Ultimately at this point, there is no right or wrong," says Findling. "But more important than anything else is that it provides valuable information for parents, physicians, and young patients that will help inform them, and that really ultimately is the answer."

SOURCES: MTA Cooperative Group, Pediatrics, April 2004; vol 113: pp 754-769. James Swanson, PhD, professor, pediatrics, University of California, Irvine. Robert Findling, MD, director, child and adolescent psychology, University Hospitals of Cleveland. Glen R. Elliott, MD, PhD, director, Children's Center at Langley Porter, University of California,

next: ADHD Medications: Are ADHD Drugs Addictive?
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AD-FX - Natural Alternatives for ADD / ADHD

According to the web page at http://www.herbtech.com/adfx.htm, it says.......

"AD-FX is a special blend which has been shown in laboratory studies to stimulate neurite outgrowth of PC-12 cells. (PC-12 cells are a common model for the study of basil brain cholinergic neurons.) It benefits those who require improvement in overall brain function. This HerbTech blend is superior to Ginseng or Ginkgo biloba either in combination or alone."

SCIENTIFIC RESULTS:

Children with behavioral difficulties show significant improvement after taking AD-FX (500 mg per day). In the case shown below, improvement was seen in all categories of behavior after only 2 weeks. After 4 weeks the behavioral index was close to that seen in the normal population. The Connor's Rating Scale was used as the assessment tool.

AiA (Allergy induced Autism) Diet - ADHD Natural Alternatives

Julie from U.K writes:......

"Dear Simon,

I just thought I would let you know that my two boys are diagnosed as A.D.H.D. & ASD traits & A.D.H.D. & Autism. They were both on very high doses of Ritalin for their ages up until last September. At this time I started them on the AiA (Allergy induced Autism) diet which is the Gluten, Casein, MSG, Aspartame/Free diet which also takes problems with Phenols into account.

They are now on no medication at all and they are both better than they were on the Ritalin (which had helped a lot).

The site for this diet info. is: www.autismmedical.com

I hope this will be added to your list as it has been the answer for so many whose children suffer, not just for autism but a whole range of conditions.

Yours Sincerely

Julie"

"The Good Food Cookbook for Gluten-Free & Casein-Free Diets" by Laurel A Hoekman, "Fed Up" and "The Failsafe Cookbook" both by Sue Dengate.

Attend - Natural Remedies for ADD / ADHD

Sandra from the U.K. writes.......

"Hi,

You may not recall, but I said I'd get back to you with my results from a trial of 'Attend' by Vaxa. Well it's been 9 months now, and I have to 'throw in the towel' For the first month, there were terrific results for my husband (non diagnosed ADD) - he was so focussed and organised and self-motivated, but unfortunatley after this, the effects dwindled to nothing.

For our ADHD and Aspergers son, his concentration and attention did improve slightly, but not enough to make much impact at school.

Last month, we started out son on a trial of ritalin (2x10mg doses) but we had to quickly stop it after 5 weeks as he such a bad reaction. He has just started a trial of Dexedrine and so far, it's looking good. It's great to see him able to concentrate, finish his work, and his hand writing is so much better too. Fingers crossed that everything goes well with this one :-) "

Raul writes.......

"I have been using ATTEND By VAXA for over a week now, I have seen trememdous results thus far, I do not know how long it will last but I see major improvements in concentration and organization. Maybe I am writing you too early about this product but I am just happy it works. I have never been diagnosed with ADD but I know I have it, I am just to afraid to get diagnosed because my JOB will find out."

next: Natural Alternatives: beCALM'd, Buried Treasure ADD Attention, Bioflow
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Suicide is a worldwide problem. A look at effective interventions and how to prevent suicide.

As reprinted from the World Health Organization

The Problem:

• In the year 2003, approximately one million people died from suicide: a "global" mortality rate of 16 per 100,000, or one death every 40 seconds
• In the last 45 years, suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is now among the three leading causes of death among those aged 15 to 44 years (both sexes); these figures do not include suicide attempts up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicide
• Suicide worldwide is estimated to represent 1.8% of the total global burden of disease in 1998, and 2.4% in countries with market and former socialist economies in 2020.
• Although traditionally suicide rates have been highest among the male elderly, rates among young people have been increasing to such an extent that they are now the group at highest risk in a third of countries, in both developed and developing countries.
• Mental disorders (particularly depression and substance abuse) are associated with more than 90% of all cases of suicide; however, suicide results from many complex sociocultural factors and is more likely to occur particularly during periods of socioeconomic, family and individual crisis situations (e.g. loss of a loved one, employment, honor)

Effective interventions:

• Strategies involving restriction of access to common methods of suicide have proved to be effective in reducing suicide rates; however, there is a need to adopt multi-sectoral approaches involving other levels of intervention and activities, such as crisis centers
• There is compelling evidence indicating that adequate prevention and treatment of depression, alcohol and substance abuse can reduce suicide rates
• School-based interventions involving crisis management, self-esteem enhancement and the development of coping skills and healthy decision making have been demonstrated to reduce the risk of suicide among the youth

Challenges and Obstacles:

• Worldwide, the prevention of suicide has not been adequately addressed due to basically a lack of awareness of suicide as a major problem and the taboo in many societies to discuss openly about it. In fact, only a few countries have included prevention of suicide among their priorities
• Reliability of suicide certification and reporting is an issue in great need of improvement
• It is clear that suicide prevention requires intervention also from outside the health sector and calls for an innovative, comprehensive multi-sectoral approach; including both health and non-health sectors, e.g. education, labor, police, justice, religion, law, politics, the media

next: Suicide: A Very Real Threat to a Person with Bipolar Disorder
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When my son Kevin was about 3 years old, he spied a green pea. He picked it up between his fingers and rolled it over. It looked good! He then pushed the pea up his nose. Interesting. Vegetables are fun! He used another pea to push the first one up higher. Then another. Yet another pea followed the first three into Kevin's nose--and it was not the last! Kev was not satisfied until he had enjoyed five peas--in his nose! Later, in the emergency room, after they'd removed the peas, Kev's older brother Garrett, with a sweet twinkle in his eye, called Kevin a pea-brain!!! When I say that kids need vegetables, I mean they need to eat vegetables -- by mouth.

It's hard to compete against fast-food kids' meals--salty, fatty food, served quickly, in a bright, exciting place--and they come with toys! It's no wonder trips to fast-food restaurants have become the pinnacle of gastronomic delight for most preschool children in the United States. But here, in these fast-food restaurants, children miss out on important nutrients and fill their tummies (and arteries) with things they don't need. We need to be very clear about what they need and what they don't in order to avoid being knocked over by the junk food current.

Children do need whole grains. They do need fresh fruits and fresh vegetables. They do need a source of calcium for their growing bones. They do need healthy sources of proteins, either from fish, poultry, eggs, and meat, or from plant sources. These foods give them the vitamins, minerals, and micronutrients they need to build high-quality bodies.

Children do not need to eat large amounts of sugar. In the 1800s, the average American consumed 12 pounds of sugar per year. By 1975, however, after the overwhelming success of the refined-food industry, the 12 pounds had jumped to a world-leading 118 pounds per year, and jumped again to 137.5 pounds per capita (for every man, woman, and child) by 1990. (Food Consumption, Prices and Expenditures, United States Department of Agriculture, 1991).

The effect of sugar intake on children's behavior is a hotly debated topic in pediatrics. Parents and educators often contend that sugar and other carbohydrate ingestion can dramatically impact children's behavior, particularly their activity levels. Physicians, on the other hand, have looked at controlled studies of sugar intake and have not found hypoglycemia or other blood sugar abnormalities in children who are consuming large amounts of sugar.

An interesting article appears in the February 1996 edition of the Journal of Pediatrics. In contrast with other research teams, William Tamborlane, MD, et al of Yale University, leaders in child nutrition, reported a more pronounced response to a glucose load in children than in adults.

It is commonly acknowledged that as blood glucose levels fall, a compensatory release of adrenaline occurs. When the blood glucose level falls below normal, the resulting situation is called hypoglycemia. Signs and symptoms that accompany this include shakiness, sweating, and altered thinking and behavior.

Tamborlane and his colleagues demonstrated that this adrenaline release occurs at higher glucose levels in children than it does in adults. In children, it occurs at a blood sugar level that would not be considered hypoglycemic. The peak of this adrenaline surge comes about 4 hours after eating. The authors reason that the problem is not sugar, per se, but highly refined sugars and carbohydrates, which enter the bloodstream quickly and produce more rapid fluctuations in blood glucose levels.

Giving your child a breakfast that contains fiber (such as oatmeal, shredded wheat, berries, bananas, or whole-grain pancakes) should keep adrenaline levels more constant and make the school day a more wondrous experience. Packing her or his lunch box with delicious, fiber-containing treats (such as whole-grain breads, peaches, grapes, or a myriad of other fresh fruits) may turn afternoons at home into a delight.

Refined sugars also affect insulin control, which decides how much fat they will store for the rest of their lives. As a child, I had HoHos, Twinkies, and Ding Dongs as regular parts of my meals because my mother, like so many of that era, wanted to give her children a nice treat. We both shudder now to think of it.

Sugar is not just found in sweets or junk cereal. It's in almost everything. When you look at labels, you find sugar, sucrose, glucose, dextrose, sorbitol, or corn syrup on almost every label. The more simple meals from whole foods contain much less sugar.

Fruit juices contain lots of simple sugar without much fiber. Many people think of juices as health foods. This simply isn't true. In small quantities they are fine, but they are mainly a way to get many of the calories and some of the nutrients from a substance, without getting as full and without getting the needed fiber. And children who drink more than 12 ounces of fruit juice per day are shorter and fatter than those who don't.

Fruits contain lots of sugar, but it's in a form that's intended for the body to use. Instead of sugar-coated breakfast cereal, try cereal with berries. Most kids like this. They enjoy the treat, and it stays healthy.

Children do not need large amounts of refined white flour. Again, in this century, white flour has become a major part of our diets. This simple carbohydrate acts in our bodies much like white sugar--empty calories that disrupt energy levels and insulin levels and increase body fat. The risk for diabetes increases with consumption of white bread, white rice, mashed potatoes, and French-fried potatoes (Journal of the American Medical Association, February 12, 1997). White flour can easily be replaced with whole-grain flours. Whole-grain cereals can replace breakfast cereals made from white flour. Which are whole-grain cereals? Special K? Product 19? Corn Flakes? Cream of Wheat? No. No. No. But the following are: Cheerios, Raisin Bran, Total, Wheaties, Spoon-Size Shredded Wheat, Grape Nuts, and oatmeal. When selecting among whole-grain cereals, try to minimize sugar and chemical additives.

Children do need fiber. They need their age plus 5 to 10 grams of fiber per day (that is, 3-year-olds need 8 to 13 grams per day; 18-year-olds need 23 to 28 grams per day; adults over 18 years need 25 to 35 grams per day). Dietary fiber is essential for optimum health (Pediatrics, 1995 supplement). Most children in the United States get far less than they need. White-flour snacks, breads, and cereals are major culprits . Fiber is found in vegetables, fruits, and whole grains.

Don't let the names of products fool you. Names like Pepperidge Farm Hearty Slices Seven Grain, Multigrain Cheerios, and Arnold Bran'ola Nutty Grains Bread sound like they would be made mostly from whole-grain flour. Nope. Arnold Country Wheat and Pepperidge Farm Natural Whole Grains Crunch Grains breads are, however. Nabisco Reduced Fat Triscuits and Wheat Thins are primarily whole wheat. Wheatsworth crackers are not!

Check the first ingredient on the ingredients lists of breads and crackers. It should say "whole wheat" or some other whole grain, such as oats. "Wheat flour" or "enriched wheat flour" are not what you are looking for--they are essentially plain white flour.

If the front label says, "Made with whole wheat" or "Made with whole grain," get suspicious! Usually the product is mostly refined white flour with a touch of whole grain thrown in to fool you! Front labels can easily deceive. These breads are made with mostly refined flours:

• Cracked wheat
• Multi-grain
• Oat bran
• Oatmeal
• Pumpernickel
• Rye
• Seven bran (or twelve bran)
• Seven grain (or nine grain)
• Stoned wheat
• Wheat
• Wheatberry
• Whole bran (bran is just the outer part of the grain kernel)

(Source: Nutrition Action Healthletter, The Center for Science in the Public Interest, March 1997) Some of these names are enough to make you think that the manufacturers are trying to fool us into thinking that their products are healthy when they are not.

Children do not need large amounts of fat--although fat by itself isn't quite the culprit that most people think. Fat in combination with simple carbohydrates (such as sugar, white flour, white rice, or potatoes) is far more dangerous than fat alone because the fat is handled by the body so differently. French fries, potato chips, cheeseburgers on white-flour buns, donuts, candy bars, and the like are particularly bad. Butter on vegetables is much better for us than butter on white toast. Children do not need partially hydrogenated anything. These artificial fats, so commonly found in items on grocery store shelves, are not found anywhere in nature. It pays to take an honest look at what your children are eating.

next: For Troubled Teens, Group Therapy May Be The Problem; Family Therapy the Solution
~ eating disorders library
~ all articles on eating disorders

Experiencing psychiatric symptoms is horrible. Many people who try and live with these symptoms every day sometimes feel so discouraged they want to end their lives. Suicide is never a good idea. Why not?

1. Psychiatric symptoms get better. Sometimes they get better even if you don't do anything about them. But there are many things you can do to help relieve these symptoms. To feel a little better right now, try the following:

Tell someone how you feel--someone you like and trust. Talk to them until you feel better. Then listen to them while they tell you what is going on in their life.

Do something you really enjoy--something you love to do--like go for a walk, read a good book, play with your pet, draw a picture or sing a song

Get some exercise--any kind of movement will help you feel better. It doesn't have to be strenuous.

Eat something healthy like a salad, some fruit, a tuna fish sandwich or a baked potato.

Develop and use a symptom monitoring and response plan (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) to help yourself get well and stay well.

2. When you feel better, you will have many wonderful experiences--warm spring days, snowy winter days, laughs with friends, playing with children, good movies, tasty food, great music, seeing, hearing, feeling. You will miss all these things, and many more, if you are not alive.

3. Your family members and friends will be devastated if you end your life. They will never get over it. They will think about it and miss you every day for the rest of their lives. If you have a box of family photographs, choose some photos of the people you love and display them around your house to remind yourself that you never want to hurt these people.

When symptoms are very severe, you may have a hard time making good decisions for yourself. To make it difficult to make a bad decision, like ending your life, make suicide hard for yourself by taking these preventive actions.

Get rid of all the old pills and any firearms you might have around your house.

Give away your car keys, credit cards and check books when you start to feel experience symptoms--before they get worse.

There are good people who can help you through these hard times. It may be your family members or friends. Set up a system with them so they will stay with you around the clock when your symptoms are severe. If you don't have family members or friends who could do this, call your local mental health emergency services and ask them what to do.

The National Hopeline Network 1-800-SUICIDE provides access to trained telephone counselors, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Or for a crisis center in your area, go here.

next: Coming Out Of The Mire
~ back to Mental Health Recovery homepage
~ depression library articles
~ all articles on depression

Comprehensive information on Alzheimer's disease - symptoms, causes, medical and alternative treatments for Alzheimer's, plus information for Alzheimer's caregivers.

Contents in the Alzheimer's Community:

General Information on Alzheimer's Disease
Treatments for Alzheimer's Disease
Alternative - Complementary Treatments for Alzheimer's
Manage Alzheimer's Symptoms
Preventing and Delaying Alzheimer's and Dementia
Information for the Alzheimer's Caregivers.
Understanding and Caring for the Patient and Maintaining Their Quality of Life
How to Understand and Respond to Unusual Behavior of Alzheimer's Patients
Residential Care for the Alzheimer's Patient
How to Explain Alzheimer's to Children
Grief and Loss

Alzheimer's Main

• What is Alzheimer's Disease? Signs and Symptoms, Causes
• Risk Factors, Diagnosis, Preventative Care
• Prognosis and Complications
• Stages of Alzheimer's

Treatment of Alzheimer's Disease

• Treatment of Alzheimer's
• Alzheimer's Medications
• Treating Behavioral and Psychiatric Symptoms of Alzheimer's
• Talking with Your Physician about Treatment Options

Alternative - Complementary Treatments

• Alzheimer's Disease: Dietary Supplements, Herbs, Alternative Treatments 
• Alternative Treatments for Alzheimer's

Managing Alzheimer's Symptoms

• Managing Behavioral and Psychiatric Symptoms
• Managing Depression
• Managing Hallucinations
• Managing Sleep Problems

Preventing and Delaying Alzheimer's and Dementia

• Ways to Keep Your Brain Healthy

Alzheimer's Caregivers

Caring for the Alzheimer Patient

• Support for Families and Other Caregivers
• Positives and Negatives of Being An Alzheimer's Caregiver
• Understanding and Respecting the Person with Dementia

Caring for the Caregiver

• Caring For Yourself
• Dealing With Your Health, Money Problems, Conflicting Demands and Where to Get Caregiver Support
• Alzheimer's Caregivers and Dealing With Feelings of Guilt
• Moving the Patient to Residential Care and Coping With Death of Alzheimer's Patient
• Getting and Finding Caregiver Help
• Getting Away From It All

Maintaining the Alzheimer Patient's Quality of Life

• Ways of Helping
• Memory Aids, Social Skills, Communicating
• Dementia and Language
• Communicating with the Dementia Patient
• Keeping Active - Early Stages of Dementia
• Activities for the Later Stages of Dementia
• Difficulty Remembering in the Later Stages of Dementia
• Dementia Patients and the Holiday Season

Understanding and Responding to Unusual Behaviors

• Responding to Unusual Behavior
• Shouting and Screaming and Lack of Inhibition
• Pacing, Fidgeting, Suspicion
• Hallucinations and Delusions
• Delusions and Explaining Odd Behavior to Others
• Alzheimer's and Aggressive Behavior
• Preventing Aggressive Behavior
• Walking or Wandering Off
• Drugs Used To Control Behavioral Conditions
• Drugs for Treating Agitation, Aggression, Psychotic Symptoms, Depression
• Drugs for Treating Anxiety, Sleep Problems and Dementia
• Overview of Alzheimer's Medications

Residential Care for Alzheimer's Patients

• Care Options for Alzheimer's Patients

Explaining Alzheimer's, Dementia to Children

• How to Explain Alzheimer's, Dementia to Children

Grief and Loss

• Alzheimer's Caregiver: Grief and Loss

Videos

• Videos on Alzheimer's Disease

Books

• Books on Alzheimer's

Music homepage

I have written and released 4 CDs:

1. Journey to Alpha
2. Still My Mind
3. Don't Let Go of Your Dreams (companion cd for free book "Getting off the Roller Coaster."
4. Shelter in the Shaman's Cave

You can read song lyrics here

All of the songs featured here are written with the intent of providing a window into your own spirituality. I hope you enjoy them and find them helpful for your own journey.

Here's a video of the title track "Still My Mind"

If you are interested in listening to or purchasing my music:

• Listen and download by song for mp3 players
• Listen and download from itunes
• Order the CD

"Journey to Alpha " by Adrian Newington © 2007

The music on the CD, 'Journey to Alpha' can be used to promote a deep meditation, or simply help you relax. Science has revealed brainwave activity at particular frequencies which relate to various states of mental activity ranging from normal waking, rest, meditation and sleep. The Alpha state (around 8Hz), is the place we want to be for beneficial meditation.

The 3 tracks on this CD each contain rhythmic modulations designed to lower you into the alpha state.

"Calm the Body", includes a recurring heartbeat in the background which is continually getting slower and slower, and sets you up for the soothing sounds of "Calm the Mind" which incorporates lush ambient sounds amid a background of gentle sea-shore waves.

Track 3, "Calm the Soul" has an even gentler pace than the previous 2 tracks which gently diminish in level to fade out and leave you to continue your meditation or relaxation.

Each track is purposefully composed with simple and uncomplicated musical arrangements to facilitate the goal of meditation and relaxation.

These tracks are primarily mixed & balanced for use with headphones. Load them into your favourite MP3 player, dim the lights and lie back and relax. Ahhh, beautiful.

You can read song lyrics here.

"Still My Mind" by Adrian Newington © 1991 ~ 2005

This Album contains many songs that were originally written around 1991. It is only in recent times that technological advances in computers, music creation software and the Internet, have enabled the Independant artists like myself to flourish.

As I walked my own personal journey, my music blossomed, but for many years the doors of opportunity were not fully opened.

Now it is with great excitement that I offer this collection of music to the like-minded who walk a journey similar to mine. Christian spiritual principles form a solid foundation in my life, and I draw inspiration from both the Bible, as well as reflection from personal experience. Through these songs, I hope your faith finds inspiration for renewal. I hope your heart is nurtured with hope, and most importantly may you come to know who you really are. You are Great!

You can read song lyrics here

Don't Let Go of Your Dreams by Adrian Newington.

The FREE book has an optional Companion CD or Audio Tape

AVAILABLE FROM MY PURCHASE PAGE

You can listen to these songs at www.broadjam.com

INDEX OF SONGS

Don't let go of your dreams.

The Believing Way

It's gonna be alright.

Miracles Matter.

Talk to Me.

Breakaway.

Don't be afraid.

next: Lyrics Table of Contents

Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 25

1. Resistance is Futile?
2. Narcissists as Vampires
3. The Need to be Hopeful
4. Fight
5. The Narcissist as Predator
6. Seeking Help
7. Falling in Love with Ourselves

1. Resistance is Futile?

Resistance is a sign that you still do love yourself.

Why else would you try to shield yourself so? Why else would you fear hurt?

Your resistance used to be your best friend, don't cast it aside so lightly or callously.

Your ability to convince your resistance to amicably wane is a real test of how far you get.

BTW, "She" is NOT a form of resistance. She does not seek to shield and protect you (though She might claim to do precisely that).

She is an enemy within and should not be confused with your resistance. She should never be trusted for She has your worst interests in mind. She is punitive and sadistic.

The False Self STARTS as a defence mechanism and ends up replacing the host.

The False Self is a virus, an auto-immune deficiency. Your defence mechanisms are your immune system.

It is an intricate (and very confusing) balancing act. Maybe this can be of help: all of us, even the most "normal" have defence mechanisms and employ them regularly. But only narcissists have False Selves.

The splitting defence mechanism leads to "Good Mother" in True Self and "Bad Mother" (or bad breast or whatever) in False Self. Seeking narcissistic supply is really a quest to transform the Bad Mother into a Good Mother through the adulation, approval and attention of others.

2. Narcissists as Vampires

Vampires are linked to narcissists in more than one way. The narcissist has NO reflection - this is why he is so dependent on others to reflect some self (=the False Self) back to him. Vampires are blood thirsty parasites - but not malevolent. They are slaves to their nature - not diabolical fiends with vicious designs. Actually, they can be rather empathetic (and pathetic). And their trade is with illusions and delusions. They are only marginally supernatural and they promise eternal life. They don't kill - they foster addiction. Isn't this a perfect description of the narcissist?

3. The Need to be Hopeful

There are gradations of narcissism. In all my writings, I am referring to the extreme and penultimate form of narcissism, the NPD.

We often confuse shame with guilt.

Narcissists feel shameful when confronted with a failure. They feel (narcissistically) injured. Their omnipotence is threatened, their sense of perfection and uniqueness is questioned. They are enraged, engulfed by self-reprimand, self-loathing and internalized violent urges. The narcissist punishes himself for failing to be God - not for the maltreatment of others.

The narcissist makes an effort to communicate his pain and shame in order to elicit the Narcissistic Supply he needs to restore and regulate his failing self-worth. In doing so, the narcissist resorts to the human vocabulary of empathy. The narcissist will say anything to obtain NS. It is a manipulative ploy - not a confession of real emotions or an authentic description of internal dynamics.

Yes, the narcissist is a child - but a very precocious and young one.

Yes, he can tell right from wrong - but is indifferent to both.

Yes, it is a process of "re-parenting" (what Kohut called a "self-object") that is required, of growth, of maturation. In the best of cases, it takes years and the prognosis is dismal.

Yes, some narcissists make it. And their mates or spouses or children or colleagues or lovers rejoice.

But is the fact that people survive tornadoes - a reason to go out and seek one?

4. Fight!

You should fight her.
Don't let her spoil everything again.
Understand that she hates you, she wants you emotionally dead, besieged, paranoid and lonely.
She thrives on your misery.
She is a mortal enemy because she starves to death that part of you that really matters - the ONLY one that matters.
She won't let you love, she won't let you live, and she won't let you leave.
So, you can only fight her, tooth and nail.
Don't be afraid. She is much weaker than you.
She is brittle.

She is precariously balanced.
Topple her and cast her into oblivion.
You can do it.
Now is the time, a window of opportunity overlooking the pastures of self-contentedness and of contentedness with self.
Sometimes, we believe we have a choice.
Often, we believe we make choices.
But our choices make us - not the other way around.
And often, we have no choice and our "choices" are elaborate optical illusions, ricocheting off mirrors glazed with fears and splintered hopes.
Hold on to what you feel is real.
Demand your rights.
Protect your turf. 
Fear not.
And as for other people in your life -
Whatever you decide, they will always be here.
They are not an apparition.
They are stable and reliable.
They are not erratic and irritable and capricious or malicious.
Think about it. Believe it.
And act.

5. The Narcissist as Predator

I am very much attracted to vulnerability, to unstable or disordered personalities, or to the inferior. Such people constitute more secure sources of better quality narcissistic supply. The inferior offer adulation. The mentally disturbed, the traumatized, the abused - become dependent and addicted to me. The vulnerable can be easily and economically manipulated without fear of repercussions.

I think that "a healing narcissist" is an oxymoron (though NOT in all cases, of course).

Still, I agree. Healing (not only of narcissists) is dependent upon and derived from a sense of security in a relationship.

I am not particularly interested in healing. I try to optimize my returns taking into consideration the scarcity and finiteness of my resources. Healing is simply a bad business proposition.

BUT

I never discounted what others had to offer.

I simply put it in context. MY context.

I fully realize that there is a gaping disparity between my context and others' - which makes it doubly imperative to remind everyone recurrently of it.

In MY context being accepted or cared for (not to mention loved) is a foreign language. It is meaningless.

One might recite the most delicate haiku in Japanese and it would still remain meaningless to an Israeli.

That Israelis are not adept at Japanese does not diminish the value of the haiku OR of the Japanese language, needless to say.

Being understood is important to me and I am glad when I am understood providing that understanding me leads to adulation, admiration, and fascination or to awe and fear. In short: to Narcissistic Supply.

A narcissist who (for some oblivious reason) would wish to heal should expect pain through the re-processing of old narcissistic hurts.

6. Seeking Help

You cannot convince someone to seek help. Help is sought only when the individual has exhausted herself and her resources in such a complete way that help (or death) are the only options left. Your daughter must hit bottom. But only she can say what constitutes "bottom" as far as she is concerned. She will know the right time, not to worry. In the meantime, try to be her friend and her parent.

It is wrong of you to allocate blame and to experience guilt feelings. We all do the best we can, always. Sometimes is just is not good enough. But when it is not - it does not mean that we should carry it as the proverbial albatross around our necks forever.

Three things are clear:

You are preoccupied with finding a "reason", a "logic", an "order".

There simply isn't (at least not that anyone is sure of). Humans are machines so complicated that they are no longer mere machines. There is no "user's manual". We all are groping in the dark. We are trying to understand. We often change our theories and views.

Forgive yourself because you did the best you could, and so did your husband, so forgive him too. Above all, forgive your daughter.

It is often that we blame failing relationships and other problems on others. It usually is wrong.

Get on with the business of living. Take stock of all you are and move on.

You both over-indulged your daughter.

Indulgence is a form of abuse. It is through catering to the child's every need, whim and desire that we chain her to use. We transform our children to extensions of our selves by being subservient, submissive, overbearing. Your child needs a PARENT, not a servant, not a frightened slave.

Don't you think that your daughter is angry BECAUSE you were too good to her - because you never really existed? Because instead of drawing clear limits and making rules - you receded and annulled yourselves?

Do not be afraid even now to refuse, to set rules, to draw the line.

She might throw temper tantrums and try to commit suicide again. If this is her chosen mode of communication there is little you can do about it.

Your daughter must repossess her life. Give it back to her - by making the boundaries clear.

Your daughter is not merely narcissistic.

She seems to be suffering from a cocktail of personality disorders (this often is the case). Judging by your description she is clearly NPD (though diagnoses should be made only by a mental health professional with experience in the specific disorder). But she most definitely exhibits non-narcissistic behaviours (suicide attempts is a borderline trait, for instance, and threatening to kill you is an antisocial PD trait).

She should be treated intensively and it should not be her choice. Do everything you can to make sure that she receives proper talk therapy and medication.

It is often our fear of being abandoned that leads to our abandonment. Our fear of being hated provokes hatred. We cling, we subsume, we walk on eggshells (heard the expression before?), we vanish, we merge with the meaningful other.

It is your life, your house, your peace of mind, you have your problems and you have two other daughters. If your daughter cannot live with that - then make her face the consequences of her own behaviour.

Perhaps for the first time in her life.

Take care, fear not, and do the right thing.

7. Falling in Love with Ourselves

It must be difficult to always like the sources of our frustration and to be drawn to them.

It is a narcissistic thing, this - a punishment meted out by an already gone or absent parent.

We are drawn to our reflections ("he is so much like me!") and, being narcissists, we fall in love with ourselves through their agency and mediation, vicariously, by proxy, as it were.

These doppelganger, these alter egos, these suddenly significant others with whom we experience such resonance, such depths of empathy - legitimize our need to engage in the most distilled form of incest - infatuation with our selves. By "loving" or "being attracted" to THEM - we actually fall in love and have (emotional and often physical) intercourse with ourselves.

This is never sustainable because, deep inside, we harbour a burning hatred, resentment, and sadistic urges directed exactly at our very selves - the selves that we so crave, that we are so enamoured of.

Thus, loving our reflections terrifies us. It leads us closer to the sources of our emotional (and sometimes imminent physical) demise. By loving OURSELVES through THEM - we provoke our idealized, sadistic parents, buried deep inside our psyches - to attack us relentlessly, ferociously, mercilessly.

Of course, we blame our significant others.

Who dares stare the abyss in the eye? It might stare back at us.

So, we attack and we withdraw and we avoid and we blame and we apportion guilt and we suffer and we torment and are tormented and then we divorce ourselves, assisted by our False Self.

We call all this - "relationships".

next: Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List Part 26