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I am currently experiencing low self-esteem in my parenting skills. You see, I'm as punctual as an IRS refund with the soft temperament of a charging rhino and the understanding of a sensitive brick. Add it all up and I don't feel I'm doing so well as a Dad.
But am I really doing so badly, or am I just being down on myself? For some reason, making mistakes all the time affects the ADHD adult's self-esteem. Who knew?
We all take part in the game of denial. Humans need denial to exist. We can’t think about our inevitable death, the fact that we are aging, or that our marriage may end in divorce and expect to care about jobs, mortgage payments and the obvious importance of Jimmy Choos. We know unpleasant possibilities and inevitabilities are true, but on a daily basis we deny them. We need to. Denial produces a workable life.
What gets under my skin though, is the fact people expect me to deny my bipolar disorder, my experiences with it, and its effects – mostly just to make them feel better.
When your son or daughter has been diagnosed with anorexia or bulimia or another eating disorder your job description gets a lot longer: now you are a nurse, a researcher, a record-keeper, a team leader, a cheerleader, the chauffeur, and the sounding board for an illness your child probably doesn't believe exists. You are in charge of food, activities, and treatment prescriptions and all while you are on a steep learning curve you hadn't expected. (Read: Finding An Eating Disorder Treatment Specialist) This is a good time to "let things go."
A lot of people seem to think that "re-feeding" is just for treatment of anorexia. I'd like to argue for a different way of looking at weight restoration and nutrition for all eating disorders.
Once you’re on a magical medication cocktail, see doctors regularly, have done years of talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), tried shock therapy (ECT), exercise, have social contacts, a support network, a support group, eat well, tried light therapy, dark therapy, and a series of awful tasting herbs and you find yourself still unwell; the question must be asked:
If I’m doing everything right, why am I still sick?
Forget that a symptom of adult ADHD is 'inaccurate self-observation.' I'm not buying it. Truly, nobody likes me. It's not that they tell me so, but I just know, you know? I realize that over 900 people follow me on Twitter, a few thousand people read my two blogs every month, and I have friends who travel 60 minutes every Saturday just to spend time with me, but none of that matters. Because I KNOW . . . I have heard that people with ADHD have inaccurate self-observation, but my observation here is based on hard perceptions. Not facts, no, but a perceived slight is every bit as good as a fact, isn’t it? Maybe not (Adult ADD, ADHD Symptoms and Their Impact).
He thinks he’s showing you love by buying you flowers. You think flowers are better left in the garden and just want him to help you fix the kitchen sink. In love language terms, he may as well be speaking Swahili to you. While his efforts at romance are admirable, he’s wasting his money on gifts while he really should be engaging in acts of service.
One of the most useful wedding presents I received is the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. While the book’s Christian overtones may not be everyone’s cup of tea, the book is filled with real examples of couples with problems and practical advice on how to make sure you and your partner are communicating effectively.
I have read that anxiety can be caused by growing up in an atmosphere where you are taught that the world is a very scary place. As a first time parent, I want to protect my little girl from everything and anything that can harm her, however, I don't want to be an overprotective parent and cause her to not have confidence and independence (Can Kids Blame Their Parents for Social Phobias?). It's a balancing act I am still trying to figure out. Are you too relaxed with your children, too uptight, or have you got it all figured out?
Amanda_HP
I'm reading the Bipolar Vida blog, and wondering "how much can one person take?" Cristina, admittedly, had a bad childhood which, she says, probably triggered the bipolar disorder she now lives with.
In the months since she started her bipolar blog here at HealthyPlace.com, Cristina has endured depressive episodes, hypomania, and everything else bipolar disorder can bring your way. Yet, in almost every blog post, she mentions that she's doing everything she can to keep her bipolar recovery on track.
![](/sites/default/files/styles/blog_listing/public/uploads/2014/10/negative-thoughts-glad-technique.jpg?itok=pwE29L9o "About Theresa Fung, Author of "The Unlocked Life" Blog")
Theresa leads a pretty normal life (some may even say boring) — she is married, has a baby daughter and a dog. She started writing about her thoughts and observations on life on her personal blog, LuvBuv. Shortly thereafter, she was asked to blog about relationships, family, and well-being for the HealthyPlace community.
I read this book many years ago, just as I was entering the turmoil of remembering, questioning and doubting myself all the way (as I'd been covertly taught over a lifetime). I happened to mention to my two sisters one day, "This is so strange but I've been diagnosed with PTSD." Both my sisters surprised me by responding, "Me too."
THEN I happened upon an old book manuscript that my now deceased father had written (not published), wherein the protagonist was obviously based upon himself and he rapes his "fiancee," who had my unusual name. Yes, truly.
Then I made myself look at the peculiar memory I always had where he violently threatened me but somehow I had never been able to recall what came before or after the episode. I had to admit that was a bit strange.
The pressures and powers to forget sexual abuse are great, both in family and society. In fact, I've come to the sad conclusion that the vast majority of survivors never really deal with their childhood wounds (a neglect for which there are always repercussions).
To critique an encouragement of people trusting their intuition in such matters is really getting the prescription dangerously wrong.
Thanks!