Blogs
Are you afraid to be needy? Why is that?
Many people have neediness anxiety: aka “worry about being too needy.” Being “too needy” is generally frowned upon in our individualistic culture. And when we--the appropriate, regular human beings we are--desire some help or company, we mistakenly think something is way wrong with us.
We make all kinds of excuses why the other person can't handle our problem on top of theirs; they are too busy or too important to care about us. These are all made up in our mind.
Psychotic episodes are not random ideas, thoughts and noises within our mind. They are stories that follow certain patterns and sequences that are logical to us at the time. There is nothing "disorganized" about a psychotic episode. To prove this point, I have written several of my psychotic episodes onto paper and turned them into fictionalized stories. Some of these have been published by alternative magazines, while others still sit on my shelf. Turning my psychotic episodes into an art has been therapeutic and helped me to confront my horrifying past.
Sometimes, people telling you to just stop cutting or burning or scratching is not enough motivation to actually stop the self-injury behavior. It is like asking someone not to text their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend when they’re staring at a message. It is something they should not do, but they can’t help themselves, so they do it.
It is much more difficult to find a motivating factor to help stop self-harm than many believe. Of course, there is therapy and family and friendships (self-injury treatment), but in the mind of a severe self-injurer, sometimes that is not enough.
It often takes time to find motivation to begin self-harm recovery and end this addictive struggle with self-harm.
Healing in the trauma disorders and addictions means real and permanent major change, and that's usually neither cheap nor easy. Persistence, in the pursuit of healing, is very often the single most important factor predicting success.
There's a lot of initial confusion that can exist for a caregiver during a mental health crisis situation. In my case, the lack of support received from the first responders in that situation was eye-opening and left me confounded.
My name is Douglas Baker. I'm a former caregiver to a woman who suffers from schizoaffective disorder - my ex-wife. If you have been caring for a family member with a mental illness for a while, you probably can relate to my story. If you're just getting started, here's a heads-up.
Recently, I took the bus home. Normally, that's not "interesting" but this trip was because the driver got lost. Seriously. She even asked passengers for directions on her route. So what does this have to do with therapy? Plenty. If you get an unqualified or inexperience therapist, you may end up wandering just like this bus driver did.
Since I started writing this blog over a year ago, I’ve noticed that I get more and more questions regarding my plans on how to end mental health stigma in my life (What Is Stigma?). Of course, I am honored to receive these questions, but I do not by any means consider myself an expert on the matter. But, here it goes anyway. You can be the judge as to whether I am an expert or not.
Like many other mentally ill people, I include a handful of sane citizens in my inner circle of esteemed friends. I don’t do this because I like them, I don’t do it because I think they have anything to offer me, au contraire mon petit fromage, I do it because my slavish devotion to a facade of political correctness dictates that I must pretend to believe that sane people are as good as folks like us.
(This is nonsense, of course. These Wonder Bread and mayonnaise chomping chumps have been denied the advanced education in life’s rock hard realities mental illness affords and consequently must be tolerated with patience, good humor, and condescension as they muddle through their Romper Room existences.)
So, you've been diagnosed with a mental illness. Now what? You have--perhaps without much grace but with much persistence--come out on the other side. Life is, presumably, better than it was before the diagnosis. But it isn't easy and you are still trying to figure the whole thing out: medications, your new mental health care team, and the future. On the understanding that we have a future outside of mental illness, and it's important to get on with life, to the best of our abilities.
It is an unfortunate reality that some people with bipolar disorder refuse help. And it is an unfortunate reality that this deleteriously affects those in their lives. And it is unfortunate that some people are tied to those that refuse help, such as in the case of a marriage or partnership. So the question is, if you are married to a person with bipolar who refuses to get help for their illness, should you leave them?
My point being, I'm right there with you. I hate the rollercoaster. I just want to live life without being in a state of constant fight or flight mode, only for his character to change and de-escalate and I fall for the person I fell for all over again.
Exhausting is a horrible word. The understatement of all understatements, if you will.
I wish there were better support groups for this kind of mental health condition.