Blogs
Christie Stewart
One of the most-requested topics among readers of this blog is self-injury and its affect on romantic relationships. In this blog, I will give you some quick tips on how to tell your boyfriend, girlfriend or significant other that you self-injure.
One of the things that is so debilitating about a chronic, long-term mental illness is that it is so relentless. Day in and day out you face the challenges it brings. On your birthday, it’s there. On Christmas, it’s there. On Arbor Day, it’s there. And no matter how you’re feeling and what’s happening in your life, you have to deal with it. Mental illness isn’t the kind of thing that you can push “pause” on. Mental illness doesn’t wait for later. Mental illness is like a 2-year-old. It wants you now, now, now, now and if it can’t have you, then heck hath no fury like a two-year-old ignored.
But I swear, I could be a better crazy person if I could just get a break once in a while. If I could just get all the nuttiness in my head to shut up for a while I swear I could get on with things like work, and taxes and cleaning and the gym. But the nuttiness in my head will not be quelled and this, I think, is one of the hardest things about mental illness.
If you live with a mental illness, you have probably found yourself wondering if you should talk to your potential or current employer about your illness. It's hard. We all want to be viewed-- especially within our chosen occupations--as competent and talented. We do not want to be labelled, or defined as living with a mental illness. We don't want to be only "a person with a mental illness."
Remember way back when the most interesting thing to complain about was the wretched excess, questionable integrity, sleazy tactics, and relentless disingenuousness of what is referred to as the Presidential Campaign?
Seems like ages ago, does it not? Why? Simple. Reality ripped us from the clutches of affected patriotism and metaphorical backstabbing in a big old dramatic manner unique to nature, nature which gives and removes all that is consequential, unlike political gasbags who – at their very best – do less damage than they might.
A victim mentality is one in which someone blames others for what happens or has happened in their world. A victim mentality probably also affects a person who thinks the future only holds bad things for them or they are unlucky. Victim mentality is buying into and believing that circumstances are beyond your control.
I was afraid of the dark when I was little, and when I am vulnerable, I still feel the same way. Light gives me the sense that there is hope. It connects me to reality when I feel out of control. Because I can see. And seeing is power.
As I write this, I feel a mixture of disappointment, anxiety, betrayal and anger. While I was admitted to the alcoholism treatment center last week for rehab, treatment did not go as planned. Short version: the staff decided my psych symptoms (anxiety and flashbacks) necessitated a trip to the psych ward. They transferred me by ambulance, held on to my medication and property, then decided I no longer met criteria for inpatient admission at their facility after I spent five days on the psych ward.
Sometimes treatment providers screw up. We have to know how to face it when that happens.
If you're one of over 24 million people in the US who struggle with symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder then you probably know exactly what it feels like to dissociate. When a situation, emotions or triggers cause you to feel overwhelmed, anxious, frozen or terrified the mind offers a typical (and really fantastic) coping mechanism: you go somewhere else in your head.
While dissociating can be a life-preserving response it can become a habit that severely inhibits PTSD recovery efforts. Part of healing means learning to become more present.
Have you ever seen Reefer Madness (1936)? This (very) old school tale of marijuana-based debauchery leads viewers to believe that marijuana is truly a tool of the devil designed to lead our youth astray. Well, here we are in 2012 and has this argument remained true?
We all have good things happen in our lives. It might be marriage, a child, a new job or a stunning new hair color. All these things are good, but all these things are also changes. Good changes, but changes nonetheless. And as someone once said, “change is bad.”
Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry you're in that situation. I know how hard it is for parents to watch a child with mental illness struggle. Know this: you are not alone. Many parents are in this untenable situation.
Your options are very limited for the reasons you have listed. Your son is an adult and get to make his own decisions -- even when those decisions are heavily influenced by an illness. And while some might disagree, the US tends to fall on the side of personal rights, regardless of illness.
If your son is a risk to himself or others, you can see about getting him treated without his consent. (In some States, this is also possible when a person is at a grave threat of decompensation [getting sicker].) I know this is a hard thing to do, but sometimes the only thing that will help someone is the treatment they refuse.
I recommend you check out the Treatment Advocacy Center. They have a hotline and a lot of information online about serious mental illness and treatment of those illnesses: https://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/
I also wrote this piece about the situation when help is refused (not associated with HealthyPlace) and it lists some additional resources: https://natashatracy.com/bipolar-blog/person-mental-illness-accept-illness/?swcfpc=1
Finally, I recommend you reach out to other parents in the same situation. You may be able to find these people through groups like NAMI (just Google them). Knowing others facing the same issues can help.
I hope your son is able to get help.
-- Natasha Tracy