Self-Confidence and Self-Worth with Mental Illness

Understanding the difference between self-confidence and self-worth has helped me on my mental illness recovery journey. Self-confidence is more exterior, valuing my abilities and external presentation. Self-worth is my internal view of myself and what I deserve. Learn more about mental illness and self-confidence versus self-worth below.

Self-Confidence While Mentally Ill

In my early 20s, I was often complimented on my self-confidence. It appeared that I knew what I wanted, said what I wanted, did what I wanted, and loved myself while doing it.

I was no stranger to manic episodes, which fueled my mindset of I-can-do-no-wrong-and-face-no-consequences. Once I started mood stabilizers and taking my recovery seriously, my self-image and confidence disintegrated substantially, leaving me to face how I truly felt about myself.

Low Self-Worth and Mental Illness

I had been self-confident, but I severely lacked self-worth because of my mental illness. I could look at myself in the mirror and think, "What a wonderful person," but my actions were not aligned.

There were years of poisoning my body and putting myself in harm's way. It was behind closed doors that I struggled with self-harm, substance abuse, and even an attempt to end my life.

No one would have known this because I exuded such a powerful perception of self-confidence that I had even tricked myself. Underneath my persona lived the part of me that didn't think I was deserving.

Uncovering Self-Worth on the Mental Illness Healing Journey

I'm still struggling to rebuild my self-confidence with mental illness. I fall victim to the comparison game, and I doubt my writing, my work, and even my hobbies. I've spent hours in front of a mirror reciting every detail I would change.

But while working on my journey to recover from my mental illness and reinstall a healthy level of self-confidence, I uncovered my self-worth.

For me, self-worth doesn't mean I'm always certain of myself. It means that I know at the end of the day, I'm going to forgive myself for not being perfect. It means I'm at the point where I can have honest conversations instead of guarded attacks. I can be part of my first serious, healthy relationship in years because I'm worthy of love. I've moved past long-held grudges and anger because not only do other people deserve forgiveness, but I deserve to forgive myself as well.

Building Self-Worth with a Mental Illness

My self-worth is the sticky note on my mirror that says, "I am beautiful. I am confident. I am grateful for my body."

Even though I'm working on building my confidence around my self-image, it's my self-worth that knows that healing my thoughts is more important than changing my body; no matter what I look like, I'm worthy of loving myself.

This is not to diminish the importance of self-confidence. A healthy level of self-confidence is necessary for mental illness recovery. One has to believe in themselves to achieve their goals, but I do think the concept of self-worth is what drives someone to create those goals.

Understanding the importance of self-worth made me understand why it is so crucial to recovery. Knowing my self-worth keeps me going and reminds me that I'm worth recovering for.