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There are some issues surrounding children with mental illness, their parents, blame and anger, I want to explore. While I'm collecting my thoughts, however, I ask you to consider this, originally posted on my personal blog in July, 2007.
Kindergarten starts August 20, 2007. Bob is registered. He's had his tour of the school. He can't wait. Me? I'm freaking out.
I went on my first diet in 2000. I lost a lot of weight but grew disturbingly obsessed with food and dropping even more weight. I stopped going out, I lost friends, I refused to eat out at restaurants and my weight plummeted to a new low where I lost my period and had to be hospitalized.
Every year when the last leaf falls of the tree and the gusting wind blows her chilly breath, dread develops in my heart. It means that winter is just around the corner. Oh sure, winter has its charms: freshly fallen snow, hot chocolate, and the anticipation or anxiety of the holidays. But what about the daily winter burdens like trying to start your freezing car, the shorter daylight hours, and the strong desire to act like a bear and hibernate? Most winter headaches can be remedied with a positive attitude and a few helpful winter survival tips.
...you don't notice it's there, until you're falling.
That's the experience of mental illness - in a nutshell: You're either flying, or falling. It's hard to stay in one place, difficult to nail down exactly what's wrong because it's such a core thing. So much the experience of the world, rather than the experience of one symptom or other.
My illness may be invisible, but that doesn't mean I have to be. Let me repeat that. Give you time to catch up:
Your illness may be invisible, but you don't have to be.
Why is a group of happy gnomes just as unhealthy as the gnomes who sing "We're happy when we're sad"?
(cont. from part 1 of story)
My son’s bipolar disorder and ADHD treatment has been a constant source of conflict between his father and I. Non-compliance with Bob’s prescribed medication regimen has been an ongoing problem for years, and has once again become a problem following a frightening drug reaction. Despite the devastating effects bipolar medication non-compliance could have on Bob’s physical and emotional health, there are sadly few resources I can go to for help.
Epileptics often get what is known as an aura before they have a seizure. An aura is a sensation like hearing voices or seeing colored lights or experiencing numbness. An aura might be present a few seconds or a few minutes before the seizure depending on the person. It’s an early warning sign of a brain misfire. Similarly, I experience signs, an aura if you will, of upcoming hypomanias.
It seems many people think of Dissociative Identity Disorder as the pinnacle of crazy. But if I've ever truly lost my mind I did so when I was trying desperately to escape DID. It was when the confusion, fear, loneliness, and shame I felt in the aftermath of my Dissociative Identity Disorder diagnosis periodically reached critical mass that I panicked and, in fits of desperation, clung to ludicrous, even dangerous thoughts.
Depression and hope are natural enemies. When it comes to recovery from depression, sometimes others have to do the hoping for you. Graeme Cowan survived what his psychiatrist described as the worst depression he ever treated. Graeme says his parents, and the faith they had in him, helped him to eventually overcome the severe depression that nearly ended his life.
It is still hard to confess that from February through May of this year, I created a alternative persona called Ana Magersucht and became enmeshed in the pro-anorexia lifestyle. I joined several websites devoted to pro-anorexia under this alternative name, and began to buy into the idea of anorexia as a lifestyle choice and that recovery was optional. My eating disorders psychiatrist quickly became alarmed when I talked about what I was doing, and immediately suggested that I be hospitalized. I wasn't at my lowest weight yet, but I was heavily restricting and it was significantly affecting my health. But that was not his biggest concern. He was most concerned with my growing obsession with pro-anorexia.
Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry you're in that situation. I know how hard it is for parents to watch a child with mental illness struggle. Know this: you are not alone. Many parents are in this untenable situation.
Your options are very limited for the reasons you have listed. Your son is an adult and get to make his own decisions -- even when those decisions are heavily influenced by an illness. And while some might disagree, the US tends to fall on the side of personal rights, regardless of illness.
If your son is a risk to himself or others, you can see about getting him treated without his consent. (In some States, this is also possible when a person is at a grave threat of decompensation [getting sicker].) I know this is a hard thing to do, but sometimes the only thing that will help someone is the treatment they refuse.
I recommend you check out the Treatment Advocacy Center. They have a hotline and a lot of information online about serious mental illness and treatment of those illnesses: https://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/
I also wrote this piece about the situation when help is refused (not associated with HealthyPlace) and it lists some additional resources: https://natashatracy.com/bipolar-blog/person-mental-illness-accept-illness/?swcfpc=1
Finally, I recommend you reach out to other parents in the same situation. You may be able to find these people through groups like NAMI (just Google them). Knowing others facing the same issues can help.
I hope your son is able to get help.
-- Natasha Tracy