Blogs
The question of whether or not to take stimulant medications for adult ADHD has been discussed vigorously. I believe strongly that taking Ritalin, or the equivalent at times, has helped me to function as the adult I want to be. I spent 2009 mostly not taking any stimulants and not only did my work ethic become nonexistent, but I didn't like myself as much. I look forward to hearing your opinions on this!
Addiction comes in many forms. Often when we think of this disorder we think of its impact on the individual. There are many harmful effects associated with addiction: poor health, legal consequences, and psychological problems to name but a few. For most individuals who are in active addiction their lives are ruled by the relentless desire to get more of the substance despite how bad things become. But addiction goes far beyond the problems associated with the individual addict.
Mental illness and rage often go hand in hand---primarily when the illness is not yet treated. Rage is scary and stems from irritability and anger. It represents, and feels like, complete loss of control. What is rage and how can we confront it when living with mental illness?
Wow - I wish I knew how to do that, don't you!?!?! No, seriously, I'm not very good at consistently getting my hyper brain under control, but I have a few strategies that have worked in the past. My Adult ADHD brain is a monster sometimes and it needs to be fed a weasel or two to be satisfied. Bear in mind, the weasel is a vegan mock-weasel.
How My Mental Health Problems Manifest as Fear
I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2002 at the tender age of 19. Since then, my diagnosis has changed to bipolar disorder and a typical day for me is rarely free of some type of anxiety or depression. In the beginning, a number of fears came over me ranging from a fear of social situations to fear of failure and an overall fear that I would live the rest of my life fighting an endless battle trying simply to enjoy all of the wonderful things life has to offer. At the end of the day, I am strong – but so is my disorder.
So, maybe I was wrong. Sometimes you just don't know.
Yesterday Ben seemed a little bit off. We know the signs. He tries too hard to be "sociable"...like asking "how was your day?" three times in the space of ten minutes. His smile seems too forced, his attention to some tasks too focused. He seems to be mumbling under his breath to - to whom? When I ask, he tells me he's just thinking about a song.
Insert sigh here. What might come next? And what can I do?
Meds, or Mood?
In the past, moods like this were usually precursors to worsening symptoms, and a sign that Ben was off his medications. But now...now we ourselves supervise the twice-daily regime, and Ben has been remarkably relapse-free for over 18 months.
Still - something's up. Something is not right. But what? And why?
When you live with a mental illness you understand depression. You know how much depression hurts, the damage it can cause, and the fear that results from it. But it can be hard to distinguish a state of sadness from that of depression. And it be scary not knowing if you may be experiencing a depression relapse or, with any luck, just feeling plain sad.
Today I tuned into a webcast on managing bipolar depression. I wasn’t sure what to expect although I was aware the webcast was designed for doctors so I knew the level of discourse would be high.
And I must say it was a great hour. Granted, I knew the vast majority of what was being presented but the nuggets of new items here and there definitely made it worthwhile.
What’s more is that this view on managing bipolar depression is evidence-based and they present the numbers behind what’s recommended. They make clear which studies are drug company-funded and which are not. It’s the kind of information that I wish every doctor knew.
And, if you have bipolar, especially bipolar depression, it’s the kind of information you should know too.
Navigating changes in a relationship where one member has Adult ADHD can be tough. In part one of this series, my wife and I discussed how a solution called previewing helped me handle change. Here, we talk about how we've managed to ameliorate my grumpiness when it comes to unexpected change and planning for it. Please pardon my wife's cuteness and do not let it distract from the possibly important message.
One thing I didn’t address in my last post about what you can learn from eating disorder relapse was coping skills. Honestly, I started to, but coping skills really deserve a post all their own. When I was crafting my eating disorder recovery plan last summer, I had literally a two-page list of coping skills to use when I felt like I wanted to use eating disorder or self-harm urges. Awesome, right?
Well, sort of. Having a two or three or ten page list of coping skills isn’t going to do anything for your eating disorder recovery unless you’re actually using them.
Well, eventually, the depression demons took hold and he told me on August 5th 2023 that he decided he wanted to just move to MT and isolate himself from everyone. He had been offered a free place to stay if he did some maintenance. He is very handy and that type of situation was very ideal because it was flexible; he only worked on things on the days he was physically up to it.
We talked every night like "normal" up until he left on April 14th 2023. We had a long distance relationship then and so I didnt get to see him in person often and didnt see him that last week. He told me one last time that he loved me and he was sorry to hurt me and I have not heard from him since. He didnt even tell his parents or sister he was leaving.
I still love him as much as I ever have even though it has been over a year since we last spoke. I just had dinner with a close friend who was always very critical of him because often he would have to cancel plans last minute due to the Crohn's or because he would go dark for weeks at a time. She told me tonight that he is a selfish person and that if he truly loved me he would have gotten help for the depression. Oddly, she has been depressed before and suicidal which you would think would make her more understanding. I asked her if when she contiplated suicide was she selfish? She said yes. I said but are you a selfish person and she said no. I said that was the same for him. Sure him leaving me and his family was "selfish" but at his core, is he selfish? Absolutely not. She thinks because she was able to conquer her depression that if he really loved me, he would have fought his depression. It makes me sad to think she cant see the amazing guy that is buried under the depression. I know, without a doubt, if he did get a handle on the depression, that he would NOT be selfish at all. It is hard to understand why others cant see the true person under the depression.
I hope those that are struggling know that not everyone will abandon you in your time of suffering. There are people out there that see the real you and would do anything to help.
I encourage all those suffering from depression to not only tell your loved ones what you are going through, but also to seek professional help. And for those of you who love a person suffering from depression, have compassion and understanding for their struggle. Know they do not intentionally hurt you and deep down they still love you even if they cant show it.
Thanks for reading.
p.s. I also struggle with depression and anxiety but I did get help and between medication and coping techniques, I am able to be myself again.
From the story you told, it sounds like you know when your partner's alters switch.
I'm sorry this was written in the first/second person. But maybe apply this to your situation with a grain of salt.