advertisement

Blogs

This week, I received a text from a longtime friend that sent me into an emotional tailspin. As a result, all motivation to care for myself evaporated into thin air. This news she shared was heavy to process, obviously, because I don't want to see her suffer, but also because I have firsthand experience with the issue she is facing.
Taimi is a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, plus (LGBTQ+) dating app known for its inclusivity. I've used dating apps like Tinder and Bumble, but this is my first time using a dating app specifically for LGBTQ+ people. The setup was easy, and I was impressed by the dating app's features. However, after using the app for a few weeks and reading some reviews, I think many improvements can be made to the user experience. I'm trying to navigate the good and the bad as I dip my toes into the dating pool. Here's what I found out about the Taimi dating app.
Mood journaling for people with depression, which simply means keeping a log of your moods, has many benefits. The act of transferring your feelings to paper can be therapeutic, taking bottled-up emotions out of your head and lightening your emotional load. Practicing writing your feelings down can help you better communicate them to your friends, family, or therapist. And looking back through your depression mood journal entries can help you identify trends, triggers, and possible treatments.
I want to make it clear that my identity is not just related to my schizophrenia. For nearly seven years, during my thirties, I lived almost schizophrenia and anxiety symptom-free. It was before I developed an anxiety disorder, and shortly after the period where I became treatment compliant and took my medication every day. I look back at that time as remarkable.
I've encountered an unexpected companion in borderline personality disorder (BPD) recovery. That companion is grief. It's like saying goodbye to that fun (and toxic) best friend who used to call the shots in my life. Embracing the unknown and forging my own trail is a bit intimidating, especially when BPD's been riding shotgun for way too long. Grief in BPD recovery is making itself known.
I'm someone who is always extremely anxious to reach an "end goal." This often makes it difficult to be mindful and appreciative of the steps and paths it took to achieve that goal. In recovery, it can be difficult to appreciate what life offers, but each step in life is its own gift, and enjoying the journey can be even more meaningful than reaching the destination. There is a mindful quote that helps me appreciate the journey.
For most people practicing an alcohol-free lifestyle, there will eventually be an alcohol-centered party or event worth attending. Concerts, weddings, and holiday gatherings can be tricky, but not impossible, to navigate as a sober person. One thing that has helped me stay alcohol-free on a boozy night out is to redefine success.
Some who have struggled with childhood trauma might develop maladaptive daydreaming as a coping mechanism.  For example, when I was only four, I endured child-on-child sexual assault and emotional abuse that made me feel isolated from the rest of the world. It felt too terrifying and heavy to be in the real, present moment. Any time I was still or not distracted, I felt extreme anxiety, panic, and sadness. This led to my development of maladaptive daydreaming — a habit I am still actively trying to break as an adult today.
Seasonal changes affect my mental and physical health in various ways, particularly during the hottest and coldest months of the year. The effects have ranged from fatigue and irritability during summer to depression in winter. Fortunately, there are ways to manage these seasonal changes and maintain balance.
Support groups have helped me a lot with my schizoaffective disorder over the years. Here are some ways support groups have been beneficial. (Note: this post contains a trigger warning.)

Follow Us

advertisement

Most Popular

Comments

MK
Thank you. I can relate to parts of this story as a 54 year old who has felt suicidal since 10. However, in my case I can’t blame parents who expected perfection. They were normal people. My mistakes are real, significant, and frequent. For example, I just got off a work call. Our CEO is friendly and thanks literally everyone else. With me, my phrasing is awkward, incomplete, and wrong. He didn’t even know who I was and frustratingly asked me to follow up. Sure enough, the information was already available and someone else provided it. Later, one of my coworkers saw me and said “wow, that was ugly”. My boss gave me my first year review. His statements include j“you’re struggling, you don’t seem to put the dots together, I don’t have faith that you can do this job”. These are verbatims. If this only happened every couple of months it wouldn’t be bad. However, it’s daily. Some may say that I haven’t found the right fit and to try something else. But that’s the thing, I’ve tried all sorts of jobs and I keep making big mistakes. I went to military pilot training and barely made it through. Once in the flying squadron I struggled so much I was asked to leave. “Try something else”. I did; engineer, sales, marketing, hands-on work. Always the same. Also, I have no real friends. I thought I did a couple of times but I was never invited to their important events, such as 40th bday parties, kids weddings, etc. After all these years I prefer to be by myself.

Once a year or so, things will get better and suddenly my mood lifts. However, I’ll soon make another mistake and go right back to my long term severe depression. Thus, it is clear to me that I don’t have a chemical imbalance or some sort of mental disorder. Instead, my depression is completely explainable. I’m a lonely screw up despite decades of effort. These circumstances would make anyone suicidal. I made major attempts three times. At age 20 I had a major anxiety attack the day before my junior year. I went in the woods near my house with a pistol. I held it to my head but eventually chickened out. I convinced myself that things were would get better. Deep, deep
down inside I knew they wouldn’t and that was the case. Most recently I’ve found a large rock outcropping at the exit I take for the gym. I wish
I wasn’t so afraid. I feel regret every day that I didn’t go through with it at 20. So much pain.

Every other suicidal person I’ve met has flawed thinking and can get back on track. In my case, however, my thinking is clear: I am a friendless screwup. The evidence is there plain as day.
Rue
Hi Alyssa! I hope I'm not too late. With the weather, it might not be. Just say it's a bit chilly, and that the water is cold. Hope this help.
Abigail
Thank you. This is helpful.
Natasha Tracy
Hi She_Has_No_Name,

Thank you for your comment. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I wish I could say something to make it feel better, but I suspect that's impossible.

What I can say is that you're right to hope. There is always the possibility of positive change. Getting help -- new help, additional help, etc. -- can be very hard and even disheartening at times, but it can also work, too.

I'm sending you some warm fuzzies. I know how hard it is, but the fact that you're still here speaks to your strength.

-- Natasha Tracy