advertisement

Blogs

June is Pride Month, a time that People.com describes as "an entire month dedicated to the uplifting of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, etc. (LGBTQ+) voices, a celebration of LGBTQ+ culture and the support of LGBTQ+ rights." Like me, you have probably noticed various organizations post about the event on social media to showcase their solidarity. However, putting up rainbows online is often a move to appear progressive. Workplaces need to put in work every day to make a change. Because even today, queer employees are widely discriminated against at work -- to the extent that it harms their mental health.
Recovering from a verbally abusive situation is not an easy journey for most people, including myself. The internal damage to my psyche that I endured for years has shaped how I react to certain situations and the choices I make in my life. Part of my personal healing journey is learning how to retrain my brain to think and process my circumstances differently. 
The road of self-injury recovery is a long and winding one, but these self-harm prevention exercises can help make it easier to stick to that road over the long run.
It would be a blatant lie to insinuate that eating disorder (ED) belief systems and thought patterns never cross my mind. Even with all the diligent, consistent recovery work I have put in over the years, I am still not immune to occasional insecurities, temptations, and criticisms from the eating disorder voice that once consumed each waking moment of my life. However, while I used to reactively listen and submit to this voice—no questions asked—I now understand there are healthier, more empowering alternatives. So how do I respond when these ED thoughts re-surface? I talk to my reflection in the mirror.
Late last summer, I went through weeks of acute panic and anxiety. I was very sick, and the mental and physical symptoms I endured were traumatic. I am in treatment to address those traumas, including the guilt and shame I felt from being sick and the residual guilt and shame I feel to this day.
Throughout my life, I've never felt like I could simply enjoy a moment. Each one felt rushed and incomplete. A new episode of a TV show? I'd watch it while I did my homework. I'd play video games while I listened to a podcast. I'd scramble to write something at the last moment, just before a deadline.
When we recover from binge eating disorder (BED), or any other type of eating disorder, we are changing our way of being in the world. We change behaviors, our reactions to emotions, our environments, and the way we think about ourselves and compare ourselves to other people. Recovery is a massive internal and external renovation that is difficult to see up close. Sometimes, you can only notice changes when you compare how you feel today versus how you felt many years ago in eating disorder recovery.
For people with anxiety, being assertive and upfront about how they feel and what they think can be hard. As someone with social anxiety disorder, I was no different. 
Searching for or asking about mental health coping strategies brings up fairly regular suggestions, which include things like meditation, journaling, exercise, and self-care. But, what’s to be done when the chosen strategies to cope with mental health struggles no longer work? It might be easy to fall into self-stigmatizing thoughts of how you must be really “messed up” or beyond help, but here’s why you should reconsider that line of thinking.
Last week, an online friend died by suicide. While I am still grieving and in shock, I am not surprised. They had been struggling with depression for a while. As someone living with clinical depression for years, I know that thoughts of self-harm and suicide are standard. It is hard not to act on them, and doing so can be fatal. Depression may or may not be visible, but it is always cruel. It impacts every aspect of one's life and can even cut it short. She is the first friend who I have lost to death by depression, and I hope she is the last. However, metaphorically speaking, depression causes one to lose friends. I know this because it has happened to me quite a few times.  (Note: This post contains a trigger warning.)

Follow Us

advertisement

Most Popular

Comments

Natasha Tracy
Hi Bobby,

I'm not sure what you mean by that.

-- Natasha Tracy
Elizabeth Caudy
Dear Shanique, Thank you for your comment. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I am so glad you know God loves you and that you get peace from Him, and that you are blessed with loving and supportive family and friends. It sounds like you are very strong. Best, Elizabeth
Katie McMurray
I am a boarder line woman who’s splitting destroyed an innocent person… I know I should feel something but all I have is contempt for this person I used to praise and thank came into my life in every way. I’ve never hurt a person like this before I don’t feel anything god what is wrong with me… I know I have a soul but why can’t I feel emotions like normal people do! Why do I make everyone who loves me into my abusive parents and friends… I don’t want to be an evil person who ruins lives and just takes takes takes and if anyone doesn’t go along with it tries to punish, I want to be a person of substance and value not a leach… the problem is we just don’t feel emotions correctly and confuse things with past triggers because of our trauma. Most of us avoid it all costs, I myself have been in therapy and make mental health problems my whole life and talk about them with strangers to cover how low functioning I am and never have to face my real trauma which was sexual in nature from a close family member, I never face it or let anyone in really we live in fear of little things our friends or people might find out and not like us… it’s a sad way to live I had a severe eating disorder andr stuff led for years before I met my ex, he gave me confidants strength and so many laughs and made me feel safe, I left him with a note and never looked at him again ever after living together through scary times and only having each other for so long… I used his past to say I felt threatened and when he wouldn’t stop whining I threatened him with a restraining order … he never responded but a month later saved pictures to shared album so I got one anyway… just to never have to hear it… we really don’t care how we hurt or use people.. I know I don’t speak to all boarder line people but around half of us are also diagnosed NPD and the majority of us will never be diagnosed or refuse the one we get and just find counsel from people who tell us what we want to hear to feel ok for living a life of lies and emotional abuse… it’s all we know.. like I said it’s not a great way to live so don’t pity us or waste effort hating us, we create our own hell and live it everyday
Shanique
I also have schizoaffective disorder. I am a Christian and pray as well. It helps me alot knowing that God loves me and give me peace. When I am struggling, sometimes it's difficult for me to pray but when I do it reduces my symptoms. I do not attend church often because it triggers the auditory hallucinations, which are Reglious voices, so I choose to worship at home. I also on medications but I do not go to counseling because it not affordable. I work a full-time job and I am a single parent. I have a loving family and supportive friends. I have two friends that has mental illness, one that has schizophrenia.